No One Cares

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

Moderators: windsong, cj-, BlueGobi, Moderators, Frame

Rainstorm
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:54 pm

No One Cares

Postby Rainstorm » Tue Sep 11, 2018 10:57 pm

No one cares. I've known that for awhile now. I tried to stay positive. But it just doesn't work anymore. Every time I speak up about a problem I'm having, it's gotten to the point where no one says a word of comfort, understanding, or care. The only answer I get is to 'stop complaining'. My mom told me a few days ago, "No one wants to hear about your problems all the time. If you say it so much, it's bothersome and I want you to stop talking about it." Don't you know this is my way to crying out? Why can't you listen to your own daughter? I have constant headaches, stomach pain, and I have a panic attack about once a week (sometimes more). How come these problems don't seem serious to you? You told me to stop hiding my feelings and pain; so why don't you accept them when I do tell you? You took me to therapy for my depression last year. I've had depression for 6 years now. How could I possibly heal from that in 1 year? Severe depression, anxiety suicidal thoughts, and psychosis. The only thing that changed was the way those manifested. I mentioned stories of suicide that I heard about just today. How do you think I heard about them? Why do you think I told you about them? Are my clues not big enough? If I tell you I never healed you either won't believe me or you'll never trust me, which is already a problem that you have.

There's just no way I can feel loved in this situation. The only thing keeping me alive is my fear of going to hell. I'm glad I have my religion, because if I didn't, I would've been gone long ago. I want a family one day, but I don't feel like I'll ever deserve one. You tell me I'm beautiful, then tell me not to dress that way; don't wear much makeup or you'll look like you want something else. You tell me to stand my ground, but if you disagree, you tell me I'm stubborn. When will I be enough? I wish you could love me for who I am, not who you want me to be.

Just recently, after almost 2 months of asking you, you finally decided I could go to a therapist for my anxiety. I don't dare tell you about the depression, because for some reason, you think that's been fixed, even though I've never acted any differently than I did last year. I explained my panic attacks and anxiety, and you simply said, 'cope'. That's not how that works. I have coping techniques that help a little, but it's not a cure. A cure would be to change the environment, but clearly that's not happening after the many times you said you would behave differently and look for the good in me, but still told me the exact. same. things.

I'm so tired. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night. Of having dreams, only to wake up in a nightmare. I'm so tired.

No one cares; but I don't expect them too anymore. Afterall, who could love a stupid, ugly, emo, useless person like me.

- C

Golda Dilema
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2018 12:51 am

Re: No One Cares

Postby Golda Dilema » Tue Sep 11, 2018 11:48 pm

You can still be loved and still be happy. You can find people who will truly care. You need to be happy once again. It will do you good if you won't expect love and care from other.people even from your mother. Love yourself. What are the things that make you happy? Do them so long as they won't do you any harn. Activties like doing aromatherapy, listening to good music, exercising, watching good and funny films, eating your favorite food, doing hobbies, helping others and the like.

Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy because you can.

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: No One Cares

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:38 pm

I am so sorry you feel that no one cares. I am glad you reached out on this forum, because this is a place where people do care about you. People on this forum understand the struggles with depression and how it is hard to deal with this disease. I am sorry your mother is not more supportive. I am glad you have begun to go to therapy and please do continue with the counseling. Also, you might look into medication. Often, depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and with the right medication and therapy you will begin to feel better. I struggled for years, with medication I remain stable. I also had to learn what my triggers are and what causes me to spiral. I am glad you look to your faith for your strength. My faith is what also helped see me through my depression. I would pray daily and learned to seek and trust Him more. I would journal my thoughts and eventually they became prayers. This was really helpful. I also learned that I cannot allow the disease to rule me. I would find things that I enjoy and focus on them instead, like games I enjoy, dancing, exercising, and inspirational music. I also attended a bible study at my church and prayed with some of the ladies on a weekly basis. That was such a blessing for me. I will be praying for you and just remember you are never alone. There are others who care. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. If you ever need to chat, just let me know. I am here for you. Hugs!!!

Rainstorm
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:54 pm

Re: No One Cares

Postby Rainstorm » Wed Sep 12, 2018 10:25 pm

I appreciate the replies I received. I'm a people pleaser, so when other people say their thoughts, I tend to agree. Maybe it's because I want them to be happy or maybe it's because I agree with them. But, I know it's not a good way to be. It's so hard. My mom doesn't want me to be on medication. She asked me, "Do you want to be on medicine your whole life? Why don't you actually try and get better and not rely on prescriptions to do the work for you." it doesn't work that way. I can't just fully recover on a whim. It takes time. It seems like my will to stay alive doesn't get through. All it looks like is me just trying to get attention (which is undeserved). I'm a young adult, but I'm still at home, so I can't get the meds I could definitely use.

I want to join a church group of some kind, but the adult programs at my church are non-existent and no one wants to start one because of college or work etc. I wish the things I like and want to do were more accessible. I've been praying for years now to send someone to help me, because it seems past the point of self-recovery. I just want to be heard. People are very important to me, but they never want to be around me. Maybe I'm just bringing them down. It's too bad I'm an extrovert; I'm at home so much. I think I'm living someone else's dream (minus the mental problems).

I just don't know how much longer my mental health can take of this. My panic attacks are so frequent; my sister is constantly putting me down and screaming at me. About 70% of the times my panic attacks occur are after listening to her rave about my inability to do anything right. My dad tells me to tough it out because sh has problems too, but is not willing to fix them. Walking into the house always puts me on edge. Why must I wake up after falling asleep?

- C

agapios
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 1:02 am

Re: No One Cares

Postby agapios » Thu Sep 13, 2018 1:45 am

I can so feel your struggle being that I have lived and survived that unfortunate but necessary state. What I mean by necessary is that pain and suffering is what motivated me to seek answers (kinda like this forum) and when I kept gathering tools and golden nuggets from my journeys of trying to understand why this is happening to me, I was blessed with clues that lead me to the truth of myself. The illusion or lie I was telling myself on a sub conscience hidden level is that I was not worthy of being here and was sub standard compared to others. This belief or lie was instilled in me early in my childhood and I was unaware how deep rooted it was buried. In other words I was believing the lie someone told me about me. This of course lead to depression, zero motivation, anxiety attacks, stress, fears, suicidal thoughts, hyper awareness of believing I will die soon.
I found that of all these negative emotions were the result of me punishing myself for believing the lies and I believed I deserved it. Think about it, if I love myself then why would I want to punish myself? or anyone for that matter. This was my new challenge and that was learning how to love myself by reversing their lies. Seek and you shall find as god truly wants us to be happy. However, happy is usually temporary and without understanding it becomes meaningless and leads to temporary, empty, and unfulfilled happiness.

What I have read and uncovered is that the true purpose of our lives is that pain and suffering is here for us to discover ourselves and this is the only place were we can find the most valuable tools to make this world a better place than when we found it. Pain and suffering is not a punishment as some would want us to believe. Its just like going to the gym and accepting the pain and suffering so we can grow into something better. We are all born with gifts and talents to share and contribute to others.
There are two most important days in our lives, the day we were born and the day we find out why.
Keep digging.
Life can be difficult so when it throws us lemons we should make lemonade. However, without sugar it will still be sour. We are here to find the sweet solutions. Life without problems is meaningless. We are here to learn, then unlearn, then relearn and this is the difference between knowledge and wisdom.
I had to pay close attention to the words I used when I talked to myself. Try to use words that empower and make life interesting and positive. Ignore everything else as the negative uninspiring words are connected to the emotional injured self. Don't believe the lie.
There are two words in the word impossible, "I'm possible"
I love you.

Rainstorm
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:54 pm

Re: No One Cares

Postby Rainstorm » Thu Sep 13, 2018 11:28 pm

Wow. You are such an inspirational person. I wish I could give you a hug and thank you for your words. You're exactly right;. I just went to my first therapy session for my anxiety today and they said the same thing. Don't use words like, 'I can't' or 'I have to'. It tends to cause more stress and usually has negative connotations (especially if you fail). Instead use words like, 'benefitual' or 'good'. It reduces stress and sounds more positive.

I still don't know what to do about my depression, self hate, and suicidal thinking. I know I can't tell my mom, because we'll never be able to have a good relationship again. But at the same time, I know it would help. I wish I had a good friend I could talk to and confide in and maybe, just maybe, I could begin to heal with their help.

But once again, silimar to what you were saying, if there was no pain and suffering, we could not appreciate the good and happiness as much.

I look forward to hearing advice and maybe ways to seek out good friends (which I am evidently terrible at). I am truly thankful for the support I have received as well as the coping techniques. I wish I met more people like you all in life; I know it could've really helped. But, maybe I wouldn't have appreciated it as much.

Hope and love,

- C

niclear0093
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2018 3:12 pm

Re: No One Cares

Postby niclear0093 » Tue Sep 18, 2018 3:13 pm

I know for certain there is someone who loves you!!! I am not sure what religion you are, but I know God loves you and I know that Jesus died for you so He could be with you forever. I am so sorry you feel this way and feel that no one cares. I care and these people commenting care, as well. We have been where you are and have struggled/still are. I am, praying that you find someone to talk to that is a good listener and caring and helpful.

Rainstorm
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:54 pm

Re: No One Cares

Postby Rainstorm » Tue Sep 18, 2018 11:42 pm

Thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm Catholic, so I do believe that Jesus is there for me, sometimes it's just hard to see it. I would love so much for someone to come into my life and listen. Without judgment or blame. I'm really glad I found this website. I was at a breaking point and even though I'm not right as rain and I don't have anyone to talk to face to face, at least I have a place to go when I've hit a new struggles each week. What are some suggestions for talking to people without them being weirded out or thinking I have ulterior motives? I'd like to learn how to engage in a conversation, without feeling out of place or unwanted.

I hope to hear from you all, seeing how you are able to listen and invite me with open arms. Because I can't go to therapy, this is the next best thing and you have all helped me get through each night, without having to cry myself to sleep. I may not be perfect, but if any of you need a comforting arm or some words of advice/reassurance, I'm ready and willing to help as best I can!

- C

LiveLaughLove2018
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:06 pm

Re: No One Cares

Postby LiveLaughLove2018 » Wed Sep 19, 2018 12:54 pm

Yes, please continue to share. We are here to listen, love, and support you. I hope you are feeling better this week. My prayers are with you. Praying and journaling are two things that have really helped me with my depression. Have a blessed week. Hugs!

Rainstorm
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:54 pm

Re: No One Cares

Postby Rainstorm » Wed Sep 19, 2018 1:42 pm

<3

Thank you! You have no idea how much your support means to me! The week's played out ok so far; let's hope it continues.

I appreciate the prayers and am praying for you as well!

- C


Return to “Your Story”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests