Miserable and confused

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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CamGirl
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Miserable and confused

Postby CamGirl » Thu Aug 02, 2018 9:19 am

My life has been so complicated since I was a child, product of a dysfunctional family. My father left when I was 7 and my mother had a live-in partner a year after. Her partner started abusing me just months after he moved in. I tried to tell my mom, but she didn’t believe me. I have to deal with it alone for years.

Now, I am married to what I thought was a nice guy. He was actually during our honeymoon period. But just a year after, his true color showed. I would often see him with different women, and every time I will confront him he will either beat me up or ignore what I am saying. Lately, he had been taking his woman to our house and do their stuff right in our bedroom.

I can’t tell anyone of my situation, not my mom, siblings or friends. I am afraid no one will come to my rescue and afraid that they would just blame me for being in this situation.

I can’t even find the courage to confront my husband why he is doing this to me for I’m afraid that he will kick me out of the house and I don’t want our daughter to suffer the way I did.

Being able to share my story here gives me some kind of relief. I feel so alone and helpless. I am scared for my daughter’s welfare and even scarier of the things that are running on my mind.

Have you felt like this? Does anyone who have any advice, I want things to work out with me and my husband? Are we hopeless? I don’t want my daughter to grow up in miserable dysfunctional home.

RustyTavern
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:15 pm

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby RustyTavern » Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:26 am

Your daughter is already growing up in a miserable dysfunction home.

Perhaps you 'chose' an abusive partner like abused people typically do to desensitise the horror of themselves having been abused

You should probably kick him out and let him decide whether he wants his family or not. The parent leaving the family home loses everything financially

Barnabas17
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2018 3:37 pm

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby Barnabas17 » Fri Aug 03, 2018 7:47 pm

Beloved I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. More so, I am deeply sorry that you feel so alone. I had similar "stuff" in my childhood. I had abandonment issues so I looked for love in all the wrong places. It was me that allowed men to touch me and lots of other stuff...It wasn't until much later in life that I discovered through counseling and reading certain books that I was so broken from the abandonment of my parents and so wounded by the feelings of rejection and neglect by both dads. We oftentimes and completely unaware "seem to attract" what is deeply hidden and unresolved within us. And without professional help, close and authentic friendships and in my opinion, "some honest" journaling...we can live in the same fears and past wounds all the way into adulthood, into marriages and even childrearing. It is so easy for someone to say leave or put the "person" out, but it is a process in the heart that keeps us from doing so. I can tell that you love your husband, but NOT the behavior. Please consider counseling for yourself right away and get help and tools on how to process all that has happened to you and invite your husband. If he doesn't want to, you continue to go. If he doesn't see a problem with his behavior, you have some hard choices to make. Your daughter is going to see this as a normal relationship and possibly repeat it and you, dear one, you will never see the courage and strength that lies beneath all the pain. It took me awhile to get my voice, to set healthy boundaries and to say NO...especially to bad relationships. I did not value myself because I was never taught to do so. I did matter way back then. I do matter and so do YOU! It's going to be hard, scary and present some real changes, maybe even temporary relocation...BUT You can and You should. You are valued and treasured and so is your daughter!

higherpurpose
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 2:12 pm

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby higherpurpose » Sat Aug 04, 2018 2:19 pm

First, I want to tell you that you do not deserve to be treated this way. Please reach out and contact the local domestic violence resource in your area. They will provide you temporary housing if you explain to them how unsafe you are. They will also provide you lots of resources to help you get back up on your feet. Please remember that you are not alone and that there is a way out. I am praying for you. Take care.

mmd
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 9:15 pm

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby mmd » Sun Aug 05, 2018 3:17 am

If you are too sure that he is chitting you. Or, in other way, if he acting good with you ? I mean, putting this apart, do you behave like a couple ? Or you feel he is cold with you ? If this is happening, i think the best for you is just find another one. For your daughter i dont know, fights are not good, have a mother with suffer isnt it either. Dont know. Does he cares of your daughter ? I mean,why you cant talk about this is happening, and if you have to split do it in a rational way. Would be good if you have a trust friend for this.

Barnabas17
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2018 3:37 pm

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby Barnabas17 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 3:12 pm

Just stopping by to let you know that you're thought of today. Hoping you have received some insight on what to do and how to proceed with what's best for you and your beloved daughter. You're NOT alone and you are prayed for.

CamGirl
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby CamGirl » Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:04 am

You're right Barnabas17. I tried searching online for counseling services and came across Regain. I will try one more time to work things out with him and see where it takes us.

Barnabas17
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2018 3:37 pm

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby Barnabas17 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:24 pm

Implement boundaries and goals. Stay strong and use the resources and professionals to walk with you. You matter! <3

CamGirl
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: Miserable and confused

Postby CamGirl » Mon Aug 13, 2018 2:20 pm

Barnabas17 wrote:Implement boundaries and goals. Stay strong and use the resources and professionals to walk with you. You matter! <3


Thanks so much for such nice and encouraging words.


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