I feel like I'm drowning

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Kenji18
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 4:48 pm

I feel like I'm drowning

Postby Kenji18 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:01 pm

So I've had this "depression" and "anxiety" for about two years now, see previous to this I felt on top of the world, I was in the military and found the most beautiful girl in the world and married her. She was also active duty, we bought a house in Japan and spent what felt like the best two and a half years of my life. We bought a cat (which god did I hate cats before this one) but I loved this cat. I quit majority of my hobbies as I just wanted to do anything to make her smile. I gave her what felt like my soul... when I got orders back to America we planned on moving to Texas once we where both done with the military... Around Christmas time (2 years ago) she randomly messages me saying its just not working out. I come to find out she was 6 months pregnant which means she got pregnant 2 months after I left Japan. It crushed me, to this day I still have dreams that I am in Japan... waking up next to her. Just to actually wake up.... I don't want to even live those days. Those dreams are actually destroying me, but I can't talk to anyone in real life. I've had it drilled so far into my head that men in the house don't have feelings... that we just push everything down inside of us. Well, I've tried... for two whole years. I've tried to date other people and to be honest with you I can't even love myself at this point in my life, so it's always been way to unfair to those I've tried to date. I tried to talk to a therapist before I left the military about this, but I just sit there and look at them. I want to tell someone about my problems I want help... but something in my brain just wont let me say anything.

I feel like I'm drowning, like I'm no longer a person, but rather just this thing that mindlessly does tasks every day. I don't want to be alive, but I am way to stubborn to actually take my life so here I sit just a mindlessly soul-less person. I am begging for help on the inside, but trust me no one would ever know on the outside....

I don't think anyone can help, but this is my shot in the dark....

RustyTavern
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:15 pm

Re: I feel like I'm drowning

Postby RustyTavern » Sat Jul 14, 2018 8:44 am

This is normal. Life is a struggle by design otherwise it wouldn't be beautiful.
1. Re-engage with your hobbies that you shelved when you met this girl.
2. Understand that species survival instincts are typically unfathomable in that they can't be broken ;-)
3. Make yourself strong: walk then gym/exercise
4. Think about yourself & your 'medichlorines'. This is a riddle but try to understand the nature of 'medichlorines'.

I'm not wishing you good luck- make your own.


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