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Everyday life. How was your day?

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lost-soul
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2018 8:33 pm

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Postby lost-soul » Sun Jul 08, 2018 12:14 am

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Last edited by lost-soul on Wed Jul 18, 2018 7:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Beenthere1001
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:42 am

Re: Any advice on dating while struggling with depression?

Postby Beenthere1001 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 12:50 pm

I think you might have known to look up this topic on Google and youtube. There are hundreds, even thousands, of dating tips on there.
I agree with the following tips on the internet:

1. First impressions are always important. Your ripped jeans may be lucky, but remember, this will be the first impression your date gets of you. ...
2. Make date plans for somewhere you'll feel comfortable. ...
3. Be confident. ...
4. Don't do all the talking. ...
5. Keep the conversation fun. ...
6. Avoid the 'ex' conversation. ...
7. Turn off your phone. ...
8. Offer to pay.

For #3, as you mention that you have low self esteem, so you just need to work on it to improve yourself (read self-help books or look up Google too). It can’t happen overnight, but you write down a plan and goals, and follow up and push yourself, work hard on it, you can make it. Try to feed will power into your head, saying I can do it, I can do it constantly.

For #8, in the old day, usually gentlemen paid for ladies when they went out. But nowadays men and women are quite equal. They both work. So, if you want to pay the first time, it’s good. But if your date (the lady) wants to pay her share, let her pay too. And you give some nice comment on her act.

I’m older than you. I find that life was much simpler before. People could find a date/gf/bf so easily.

One of my co-workers told me she met her man at a train station and they got married in ten days after their first met. I was thinking OMG, that’s scary. Now, nobody would do that. But their marriage lasts for decades. She told me they have been through lots of ups and downs, but they always want to support each other.

Other people met each other at church, a party, a volunteer event or through friends, etc., …

A friend told me he met his wife through a marathon. How beautiful!

You’re still very young, you have the whole future ahead of you. I read all your posts, I see that you are smart, intelligent, gentle and responsible. You have dreams and goals for your life. But right now, you cannot achieve them yet because not everybody can be successful and achieve their goals right after college/uni, at the very young age. And you feel life is hard and feel disappointed, frustrated and feel scared of the rough roads. That’s normal for everyone.

Off the dating topic, I would like to share my personal life stories:

When I was 20, my bf and I broke up, I wanted to kill myself too. Now I feel I was silly. I was growing up in poverty. I did not have an easy life. I started on my own when I was 19 years old. I cannot tell you my whole life’s hardship. It’s too long, and you may not want to hear. Mostly, young people don’t want to listen to “old” people’s sad, boring, “whining” stories. And I don’t want to. I want to try to be positive.

Now, I’m a mother of two grown up young men. They are the love of my life. They gave me joys and pains. I treasure the joys and accept the pains. When I feel hurt, I just have to think there are parents who have to suffer worse situations than mine. And I pray to God to give me strength and wisdom to live in this life, to love them more, to be able to tolerate, to be patient.

You mention you don’t believe in God, so what do you believe in? Science? Technology? Nature? Scientists? Doctors? Yourself?
Science and Technology are great. Nature has beauty and cruelty too. Scientists and Doctors have to go through lots of studying, hard work, stress, “failures” also, and they succeed.

About yourself, when you feel tired, stressed out, sad, depressed, probably you have body chemical imbalances. Go to see your Doctor, talk to him/her. Sometimes, you may just need someone to talk to; and that person must be understanding, not judging, listening more and can give some good advice. And mostly, that’s a Professional person like a Doctor, Psychologist or Psychiatrist. Find someone you trust and talk to that person. Please don't shut yourself. When you reach out to people, people reach out to you. If you don't tell someone what you need help with, nobody can read your mind. Or they don't want to, or they are scared to be close to you, and you push them away.

It’s been quite long. I think I need to finish up soon.

I want to tell you that Thomas Edison did not invent the electric light an overnight. And I always try to remember this quote from him: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

I would like to paste a link here: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/failure and hope it can encourage you when you feel down or “failing”.

Hope you can take good care of yourself. Nobody can take care of you than you do. Just remember that there’s a will, there’s a way.

Work hard, but don’t forget to enjoy the beauty of nature (mountains, brooks, lakes and seas, trees, birds and wild flowers), big cities, small towns. Try to connect with your friends. Reach out to and for others, which mean ask for help when you need help and help others when you can. Helen Keller said: “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

Wish you all the best.

lost-soul
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2018 8:33 pm

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Postby lost-soul » Sun Jul 08, 2018 8:08 pm

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Last edited by lost-soul on Wed Jul 18, 2018 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Beenthere1001
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:42 am

Re: Any advice on dating while struggling with depression?

Postby Beenthere1001 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 11:29 pm

I'm an introvert too. I believe I understand how you feel. Sometimes, I wished there were internet, Google and youtube when I was 20 something so I could learn a lot more. But oh well, I went through without those. It was not so bad. People can survive in the worse conditions. And now I think I'm okay. I don't have a perfect life, but I learn to look on the positive side. I learn not to compare myself with others. I learn to accept myself and others. I really appreciate technology now. Whatever I need to know, I go to Google. And of course, if you can learn things from real people (friends and professionals) is much better.

MeToo7
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 10:32 am

Re: Any advice on dating while struggling with depression?

Postby MeToo7 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:11 pm

lost-soul wrote:I know that this isnt really something to ask on here but i will anyway. Im just looking for any sort of advice to dating because it be something id like to get back into but i have low self esteem issues. Or at least a few tips on what to say or how to act in order for someone to not notice my flaws (i.e. depression, and low self esteem) i know this sounds desperate but i need help.


I think all topics are ok on here :) Looking for tips is a great idea. I do agree with some tips listed in other comments, like putting your best foot forward, wearing nice outfits that make you feel good about yourself etc. I think my tip would be this: Figure out what your strengths are, what you are good at, what hobbies you enjoy etc. Then, accept dates only with people who have similar interests. Why? Because you'll be 'matched' with someone who will appreciate that you enjoy (say hiking, golf...whatever) same as them! Instead of feeling bad that you don't know anything about their interests or aren't good at it, you'll already be in an 'even playing field'. Also, if you pick activities you are good at and enjoy (cooking, reading, going to concerts etc), chances are that you'll feel good about being involved in doing them and the depression won't be as obvious. Make sense?

Lwoodall
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2016 2:25 pm

Re: Any advice on dating while struggling with depression?

Postby Lwoodall » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:20 pm

We all need help in our lives. None of us is born knowing everything. I believe that one good advice is to be yourself when you are on a date with someone. And speak kindly about yourself and about others. I do not think you are the only who needs advice about dating. You are being wise by seeking advice. Something that can help is going out to walk outdoors before going out on a date. I’ve heard that walking provides benefits not only physically. Maybe it will help you feel relaxed and I know that walking helps depression tremendously. Think of yourself as someone brave and courageous, and be kind to yourself. Those are things I tell myself too. God bless you!

FayeGaudreau
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:51 am

Re: Any advice on dating while struggling with depression?

Postby FayeGaudreau » Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:54 am

I am sorry that you are struggling so much. You should do something to control it like try medication, exercise or try talking to a counselor. You can also talk a psychic like Voyante Sérieuse to know the exact reason why are you facing these problems.

Cactus.ly
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: Any advice on dating while struggling with depression?

Postby Cactus.ly » Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:52 am

Get some personal wins before you schedule a date, so you can build confidence and won't come off too needy or weird. You also need to work on trust so you dont come off as abrasive while you are desiring and requesting closeness.

If you must schedule dates now,

1. make some choices ahead of time about how you're going to respond to rejection or your perceptions of rejection/failure such as you're not going out to fail, you're testing...so you're not bringing home failure and rejection. No grudges. Just information for your next date. Gamify it if you must. If you start to dwell on something, remind yourself that isnt allowed for two hours.

2. Go on Meetup.com to find some groups and events that serve your interest. Do things you like to do so you can meet people who like to do those things too. Helps with conversation. If you're in tech, will def find other Aspies.

3. Make dates to have fun. Decide the first few will be bad and don't internalize it. Use the feedback to build on.

I know meds dont work for you, but you have to find a way to get grounded so that anxiety isnt buzzing in your head and keeping you from being present. You just have to. If you just cant, then roll with it. Engage it. Joke about it.

Tell your date you have ASD and what that means and how she can help you understand and better communicate.

And you didnt fail with sex. That's nature and happens to a lot of guys when they are anxious about performing.


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