New member, welcoming any and all advice

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

Moderators: windsong, cj-, BlueGobi, Moderators, Frame

DrHPA42617
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:45 pm

New member, welcoming any and all advice

Postby DrHPA42617 » Mon Jun 11, 2018 3:48 pm

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum, and I'm pretty excited for the opportunity to meet other individuals that are likeminded. Is it just me or does the best understanding come from others that are having with similar problems? Here's my story. I'm 32 years old and have been struggling with Major Depressive Disorder for as long as I can remember. I have tried virtually every class of antidepressant, psychotherapy, and most recently electroconvulsive therapy (which I will refer to as ECT from now on). The sad reality is that I have experienced zero relief, even after 3 months of ECT. I have completely given up on recovery and am now focusing on getting through each day without making my loved ones too miserable. I live with my boyfriend and my 12-year-old daughter, both of whom I cherish more than I can put into words. They are as supportive as they can be, but I can tell both of them are completely burnt out. I 100% understand where they're coming from. I'm completely burnt out from dealing with myself. Even so, I can only do my best, and some days I can't help but sob uncontrollably. Some days I can't help but have repeated panic attacks. Some days my social anxiety turns into social phobia, and I can't leave the house. My boyfriend in particular is pretty much fed up. He has admitted to me that if it wasn't for my daughter he would have broken up with me and asked me to move out. I can't talk to him about my issues anymore; lately whenever I try his phone comes out and onto facebook he goes. A couple weeks ago I told him I have been having suicidal ideation, and he told me I was just being a "selfish b*tch". A year ago I received my PhD in neuroscience, prior to which I had a group of friends who shared the burden of caregiving for me. When we graduated, we all scattered to all corners of the country to pursue postdoc fellowships, industry positions, etc, and for all intents and purposes I lost all of my friends. I have never felt so alone in my life. I had to resign my own postdoc a while ago, due to the side effects of ECT (mostly amnesia), so there goes my only social outlet. I love the idea of this forum, and I'm hoping to meet people who get what I'm going through. I'm looking forward to (hopefully) hearing back. Cheers, everybody.

nightingale77
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2017 2:48 am

Re: New member, welcoming any and all advice

Postby nightingale77 » Wed Jun 13, 2018 11:26 am

Halo there, welcome to the forum... I’m so sorry to hear you are hurting so much... hugs.... I wish I know what to say to offer you some instant relief from all that you are suffering. But instead I’m sending you tons of virtual hugs and I wanna let you know I’m here for you and with you. So are other members here in this forum. YOu are not alone in this journey. Sad to say, a lot of times caregivers themselves might not be equipped take care of their loved ones who are suffering from depression. Many times, the reality is that they don’t know how to response and it’s not because they have given up on you or stop loving you. They simply don’t know how to care for you or don’t know what are the right words to say. Does your bf or Daughter ever accompany you for any of the treatment session?? Might be good if they can tag along. Just to give you some moral support. Keep coming back to write and download here ok? You have a safe space here. Praying for you. God bless!

Janine28
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 7:55 pm

Re: New member, welcoming any and all advice

Postby Janine28 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 9:16 pm

You have to look up Ketamine Infusion for depression. I'm 42 and have been suffering from severe depression/bipolar and anxiety almost all my life...depression didn't really work at all!!! Since nothing was working, the doctor told me about how they are using ketamine, which is a medication that they use during surgeries to cure depression...yes CURE!!!! I have never been this happy in all my life!! I'm back in school and am finally proud of myself! Please, look up "the fog is gone Dr.Brooks" online and watch the TV news broadcast. IT WORKS and the reason the FDA hasn't approved for depression yet (which they will) is because pharmaceutical companies will lose billions of dollars because you wouldn't need medication anymore! I am off of almost all my medication! I can't wait to wake up every day!!

DrHPA42617
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:45 pm

Re: New member, welcoming any and all advice

Postby DrHPA42617 » Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:39 pm

nightingale77 wrote:Halo there, welcome to the forum... I’m so sorry to hear you are hurting so much... hugs.... I wish I know what to say to offer you some instant relief from all that you are suffering. But instead I’m sending you tons of virtual hugs and I wanna let you know I’m here for you and with you. So are other members here in this forum. YOu are not alone in this journey. Sad to say, a lot of times caregivers themselves might not be equipped take care of their loved ones who are suffering from depression. Many times, the reality is that they don’t know how to response and it’s not because they have given up on you or stop loving you. They simply don’t know how to care for you or don’t know what are the right words to say. Does your bf or Daughter ever accompany you for any of the treatment session?? Might be good if they can tag along. Just to give you some moral support. Keep coming back to write and download here ok? You have a safe space here. Praying for you. God bless!


Hi Nightingale,

Thank you so much for this wonderful message! I can tell you it literally brought tears to my eyes. It means a ton to me that you took the time out to not just respond but to respond in such a profound and detailed way. It seems to me that the individuals that can offer the most support and understanding are those that suffer from the same or similar struggles. My daughter doesn't come with me to my appts, mostly just because I'm typically SUPER sick and confused when I come out, and I'm a little nervous about how she'd interpret that. Although, she is 12 now. She's more likely than not old enough to at least kind of get what's going on. Hmmm... My bf, on the other hand, used to take me to and from all of my appts, but I think the novelty and/or concern has worn a bit thin after three months of this nonsense. My mum is my transport now, more often than not. I am most certainly thankful for that! Oof. Anyhow, thank you again so very, very much!! God bless YOU, and I most certainly return the hugs and the offer for support anytime you find yourself needing it <3

Take care!

DrHPA42617
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:45 pm

Re: New member, welcoming any and all advice

Postby DrHPA42617 » Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:43 pm

Janine28 wrote:You have to look up Ketamine Infusion for depression. I'm 42 and have been suffering from severe depression/bipolar and anxiety almost all my life...depression didn't really work at all!!! Since nothing was working, the doctor told me about how they are using ketamine, which is a medication that they use during surgeries to cure depression...yes CURE!!!! I have never been this happy in all my life!! I'm back in school and am finally proud of myself! Please, look up "the fog is gone Dr.Brooks" online and watch the TV news broadcast. IT WORKS and the reason the FDA hasn't approved for depression yet (which they will) is because pharmaceutical companies will lose billions of dollars because you wouldn't need medication anymore! I am off of almost all my medication! I can't wait to wake up every day!!


Hi Janine,

Thank you so much for the response and for the amazing advice! It is SO funny that you brought ketamine up! I just went in for ECT yesterday, and my doctor decided to include a ketamine infusion with my anesthesia. It was remarkable, I did feel noticeably better when I woke entirely up. I've heard about the effectiveness of ketamine for severe depression before and about how quickly it acts, but wow! This was amazing. I am most certainly going to look "The Fog is Gone, Dr. Brooks" up and give it a watch. Thank you again, and I'm so incredibly happy to read that this has worked for you as well!

Cheers!

foreverbeach11
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 10:05 pm

Re: New member, welcoming any and all advice

Postby foreverbeach11 » Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:59 pm

Congratulations on your PhD. That is a huge accomplishment. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time now. Have you thought about reaching out to some of your former classmates? Maybe during your tough days you can reach out to them for added support. Have you considered finding a support group in your area? Maybe this could be an outlet for you. This forum is a good outlet to discuss your feelings and chat. Keep posting. Wishing you the best.


Return to “Your Story”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests