Hoping for Beauty from Ashes

[DianaBananas]

Hi Everyone.....my name is Diane and I'm 55. The past 7 years have been an avalanche of one traumatic event after another, for me, the most recent being the death of my Dad 8 weeks ago. It all began in 2004...I began having heart attacks...to date I've had 8 of them and one 20 minute death. At the same time of the death my Husband of 15 years divorced me after I caught him with 9 women. He was excruciatingly cruel. He had molested my Daughter from the time she was 10, which I found out about the day he called me on the phone to tell me he was never coming home again. He has never faced me, so I have never had closure. I wont get into everything that happened, up to now. Suffice it to say that it has been horrible. My depression is out of control. I wake up every morning, crying and having panic attacks. I was on antidepressants but lost my insurance 2 years ago and have not seen a Doctor for my heart and have been on no medicine. I cant afford it anyway...not now. I went to a clinic that worked on a sliding scale, and asked for a therapist...each visit I had a new one...people kept quitting and they ran out of therapists and threw me into a group, which did me absolutely no good at all. I feel like if I could talk this out I'll be ok...and I found you all through google. I've spent the afternoon reading and I sure am glad to be here. I am so tired of the struggle. I live alone, have no friends because I have trust issues, with only my two Jack Russells for company. I dont leave the house a whole lot and I isolate. I cant do this anymore. Thank you for having me.

[Destination]

Hello, welcome to the forum.

I noticed your title for this post, and as I read your story I had a thought:

There was a bird in mythology called the Phoenix. The way this bird would die was to burn up and turn to ashes. Out of the ashes rose a new Phoenix.

Perhaps this place will be your new Phoenix.

[DianaBananas]

The Phoenix rising from the ashes was exactly the basis for my title...beauty from ashes. Wow, Destination.....I cant believe you got that.
Sending love.

[Destination]

Thanks sometimes I do catch things and other times I'm as thick as a brick lol

(( hugs if you want them ))

I'm here any time you want to talk. Have you tried the depression chat room yet? It's a bit busy but very supportive.

[DianaBananas]

Oh Boy, I needed that hug!!!!! Love those hugs!!!!! I treid getting into the chatroom yesterday but it took forever to load. Will try again, today! Sending Love my Sweet!!!!!

[DianaBananas]

Wow...I cant get connected to the server...because it's so crowded?

[St8arrow]

Hi Everyone.....my name is Diane and I'm 55. The past 7 years have been an avalanche of one traumatic event after another, for me, the most recent being the death of my Dad 8 weeks ago.

It all began in 2004...I began having heart attacks...to date I've had 8 of them and one 20 minute death. At the same time of the death my Husband of 15 years divorced me after I caught him with 9 women. He was excruciatingly cruel. He had molested my Daughter from the time she was 10, which I found out about the day he called me on the phone to tell me he was never coming home again.

From St8arrow

To put the best light on this situation, your so-called "husband" was feeling so guilty about his behavior with his own daughter that he decided never to come home again. I suppose some other young girl will become the focus of his warped desire for sexual activity. In reality, the "clown" belongs in jail.

From DianaBananas

He has never faced me, so I have never had closure.

From St8arrow

The fact that he can no longer ruin your life or make your daughters life even worse, must be looked upon as closure enough for you. If that is not good enough, then if you so desire, you could warn whichever one of the nine women this liar and manipulator is now living with, to watch out for her young daughters or who knows even her young sons.

You have to decide if such action is what you want to embrace. On the one hand you may be saving some young girl or boys life, on the other your erstwhile "husband" might go "Bananas" about you telling the truth about him.

From DianeBananas

I wont get into everything that happened, up to now. Suffice it to say that it has been horrible. My depression is out of control. I wake up every morning, crying and having panic attacks. I was on antidepressants but lost my insurance 2 years ago and have not seen a Doctor for my heart and have been on no medicine. I cant afford it anyway...not now. I went to a clinic that worked on a sliding scale, and asked for a therapist...each visit I had a new one...people kept quitting and they ran out of therapists and threw me into a group, which did me absolutely no good at all. I feel like if I could talk this out I'll be ok...and I found you all through google. I've spent the afternoon reading and I sure am glad to be here. I am so tired of the struggle. I live alone, have no friends because I have trust issues, with only my two Jack Russells for company. I dont leave the house a whole lot and I isolate. I cant do this anymore. Thank you for having me.

On the contrary, thank you for coming into this site. I like your style, I think you are right when you say: --- "I feel like if I could talk this out I'll be ok...and I found you all through google." Come back in here and let's talk some more. There are lots of caring people here to share your problems with and Destination sure is one of them as well as Warmsoul and of course many others also. Cheers to you and I hope this becomes the start of --- "a beautiful friendship" --- which is the phrase that was used near the end of the movie, --- Casablanca.

[St8arrow]

Helping you, DianaBananas, and others also, to join the Chat Rooms:

At the top of the Depression Forums page, click on the Depression Chat Rooms area. Now click on Log In Procedure on the right side of the page next to --- Quick Access. Now choose a nickname and enter it where indicated. I suggest that you use the same name as you are using here in the Depression Forums room, but it is entirely up to you what you do. Now click connect and you should be ready to post your comments in the Chat Room. Good Luck and good skill to you.

[DianaBananas]

Thanks Str8.....for ALL of the advice. The Ex is really no longer the main problem...he married a woman my Daughters age ( MY Daughter was his step-daughter) with a young female child. She has been warned....but she was one of the 9 he was cheating with. It's all just too funny. What really has me unscrewed is the avalanche...I havent had any peace from catastrophic events in 7 years. I think even the heartiest warrior would get tired after that amount of time. Anyway, I'm going to write the whole story, so you'll get a clearer picture of what I'm going through. Joining this site was the best thing I ever did.
Sending love....

[St8arrow]

You are right DianaBananas. I meant to make my screen name or nickname StraightArrow, but I forgot to include the "r" so I am StateArrow. So I'm not perfect. It is good to try for perfection as long as you don't fixate on it so much that you wind up making more mistakes than you otherwise would have.

[St8arrow]

From DianaBananas:

Joining this site was the best thing I ever did.
Sending love....

From Myself

Thank you from all of the regulars here on this site.

[DianaBananas]

Hahahahaha...starting to love ya Str8!!!!

[Destination]

Better watch out for St8arrow he's a real charmer

[DianaBananas]

Yeah, well, you're pretty high up on the worship list, too, Destination!!! Hope all of you are having a good day....and my prayers to those who are not.
Sending Love.

[Destination]

Whoo Hooo! Finally I am worshiped as the Queen that I am... erm I mean *looks all angelic* Why ty for the lovely compliment! (( more hugs for you ))

I know what you mean about being glad you came to this site. I am too, this is the best place that I've found in years.