I don't know what to do anymore.

[unknown93]

I'm starting to accept the fact that no matter what I'm never going to be happy in life. Sadly my kids being in my life barely make me happy. I feel like such a failure that some people make me feel like I shouldn't even exist. I've never been able to do what I'm doing now and now that I feel like I'm in a good place there's those people that tell me otherwise. I get made fun of because of my depression but can never get anyone's support, it's always some kind of negativity that I can never seem to get away from. I live in this fantasy world in my head that I feel is the only thing that keeps me going. I can never make my own decisions in order to be happy myself because me being happy is me being selfish. But why? My biggest fear is my kids growing up being miserable with there lives because there mother is miserable just because other people want to "be happy". I can't even be a role model for my kids. I'm at a point in my life where I want to make plans for kids and decide who I want them to be with because I rather just end my life to make sure that they won't end up like me. I feel like I'm getting closer to accepting the fact that I just shouldn't exist anymore. I feel like I'm so far gone in my head that soon there's gonna be no turning back and I'm okay with that. People might act hurt and act like they care but in reality they won't care at all. People think depression is a joke and it's not and they don't believe it. I wish certain people would accept the fact that I'm not happy, but they never will. I told someone that I had depression because they asked why I was going to counseling and there response was "haha wtf? That's all in your head and shows how weak minded you are". The only time anyone will ever take it serious is when your no longer here. But I feel like even than no one is gonna care. I'll admit, I'm scared to go to hell but I think I rather be there than here just to get rid of this feeling. Not even professional help is making anything better. I don't know what to do anymore and it feels like no matter what I do it doesn't help. I just wish my kids have a better life than what I have to deal with.

[CamGirl]

Hi there. I don't mean to sound all-knowing as there are times I struggle with this as well. But then I realized that no one has the key to our happiness but us. Try to focus on yourself. Isolate if you must. Don't compare yourself with others as we are all here for a different reason. Enjoy life while we're still here. That's all we can do for now.

[shaltim]

Is it misery or is it that you can't obtain the thing that you want most in life?
I remember my days in counseling, I didn't have confidence in the course of action so I wouldn't put as much work in it as I might in something I found exhilarating. Maybe consider, are you putting faith in the process and giving it your all even though you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[CamGirl]

Hi there. I don't mean to sound all-knowing as there are times I struggle with this as well. But then I realized that no one has the key to our happiness but us. Try to focus on yourself. Isolate if you must. Don't compare yourself with others as we are all here for a different reason. Enjoy life while we're still here. That's all we can do for now.

Enjoy while we're here. That's true. Our problems are not permanent. Hang in there and try to be happy as much as you can. Don't wait for life to be easy before you decide to be happy.

[xpellegrino12]

Hey there, I get where you’re coming from, I struggle with the guilt that I’m making others miserable by existing but it’s not true. You’re kids are so lucky to have you, you’re here, you’re trying even when it feels impossible to breathe all to be there for them. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is. Don’t you dare give up now because they need you. You don’t have to be a role model because you’re beautifully human, we’re all completely messed up but we try. It’s all about intention, you have the best intention for your kids and that’s all I could ask for from a parent. It’d be more scarring living without you than living with a sad you for them.

I get what you mean about wanting it to end, even to the point of thinking hell would be easier. Sometimes I tell myself living is good practice, that at least this isn’t eternal, hell is (probably not the best way to think about it but it keeps me from thinking that it’d be easier). Sometimes there’s nothing more depressing than tomorrow arriving. I can’t promise you’ll get happier or it’ll change but I hope it does and that you’ll find more anchors to keep you here.

People can be insensitive, cruel and ignorant but it doesn’t mean they don’t care, they just can’t understand. But that’s why you’re here...so from one stranger to another know that 7 billion people minus you would make me sad because I care. I don’t know you but I care that you won’t try anymore because you’re a person and there’s only ever going to be one of you in the entire existence of humanity. And that’s crazy, you don’t have to be anything you just have to be alive <3

[CamGirl]

Just checking on you. Hope you feel better?