Im alone Pt. 1

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Ocean_Eyes12
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:36 pm

Im alone Pt. 1

Postby Ocean_Eyes12 » Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:46 pm

Hello everyone
I'm alone. I'm rude. I'm disrespectful. I'm mean. I'm arrogant. I follow no rules and I want to die.
I don't want to die because i'm so terribly depressed and everyone doesn't know the real me or anything like that but because i'm curious. I'm curious to know what it feels like. What would happen? Where would i go? Am i going to be forgotten 20 years after I die or will people be mourning me? I want to know. Its like an itch I cant reach. I want to feel the last 60 seconds of my life in this world. My top way to die is drowning. I have always loved water so why not? When drowning there is this specific moment right before you totally lose conscious and black out and its called the 'breaking point'. When you are under water the instinct not to take a breathe is so strong it overcomes running out of air. I want to experience the part i which you know death is right there so you calm down and float while water floods everything in you. I'm all alone. My brother is hitting puberty and is a large ass while my grandmother is christian to the point that if i say ass near her she flips. We have this schedule every week. I cant hang out with my friends because it breaks the schedule. I have nobody.

froggymom
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2017 2:47 pm

Re: Im alone Pt. 1

Postby froggymom » Mon Jan 14, 2019 1:00 pm

Hello Ocean eyes 12. You sound very angry and hurt. There will come a day we will all cross the threshold and enter the doors of death, but we need to experience life first. What are you angry about? Why are you mean? Would you like to share a little more?

Ocean_Eyes12
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:36 pm

Re: Im alone Pt. 1

Postby Ocean_Eyes12 » Mon Jan 14, 2019 6:47 pm

I'm angry over everything that happens. I'm mean because well i am and i have accepted it. I don't care about anybody or anything. Its like i feel no remorse or anything.

froggymom
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2017 2:47 pm

Re: Im alone Pt. 1

Postby froggymom » Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:56 am

Would you like to change? You can make that choice. Can you think of anything that is good in your life or that gives you some happiness?

momonthego2019
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2018 8:06 pm

Re: Im alone Pt. 1

Postby momonthego2019 » Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:31 pm

Has your grandmother or any one else taken you to speak to someone? Have you talked to a school counselor about your feelings? Anger is such a destructive emotion. I would hate to see you carrying that around on a daily basis much longer. I read something recently which said "anger almost always grows from lifelong habits learned from childhood experiences and parental examples." Over time, the angry or hostile person becomes emotionally distant from others (particurlarly loved ones). One effective form of treatment is anger management. Death will eventually come to us all and one thing we can be certain of is we do not know the time or the method. As curious as you are about drowning, think about how much harder and exhiliterating it may be to actually live and do something productive with your life. We all have a purpose. You are destined for something greater than you know but somehow you are convinced that your life should be over. Don't listen to that voice anymore. Tell that voice that he/she needs to pack up their bags and leave you alone. You have another friend speaking to you now that speaks to you about hope, about life and not just existing but living a full life. This friend knows that the anger is just a mask hiding your true self. Whatever you have gone through doesn't have to cause you hurt and pain anymore. Let it go. It may not be fair, you may have been treated badly, but have survived and can live to rewrite the rest of your life in a positive way if you choose to. There is a light inside you tryiing desperately to get out and shine in this dark world. Let your light shine!

Ocean_Eyes12
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:36 pm

Re: Im alone Pt. 1

Postby Ocean_Eyes12 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 7:19 pm

yes i have decided to see a school counselor and maybe talk things out more. That was very well said and you both are very right!

RustyTavern
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:15 pm

Re: Im alone Pt. 1

Postby RustyTavern » Wed Jan 23, 2019 2:35 pm

Ocean_Eyes12 wrote:Hello everyone
I'm alone. I'm rude. I'm disrespectful. I'm mean. I'm arrogant. I follow no rules and I want to die.
I don't want to die because i'm so terribly depressed and everyone doesn't know the real me or anything like that but because i'm curious. I'm curious to know what it feels like. What would happen? Where would i go? Am i going to be forgotten 20 years after I die or will people be mourning me? I want to know. Its like an itch I cant reach. I want to feel the last 60 seconds of my life in this world. My top way to die is drowning. I have always loved water so why not? When drowning there is this specific moment right before you totally lose conscious and black out and its called the 'breaking point'. When you are under water the instinct not to take a breathe is so strong it overcomes running out of air. I want to experience the part i which you know death is right there so you calm down and float while water floods everything in you. I'm all alone. My brother is hitting puberty and is a large ass while my grandmother is christian to the point that if i say ass near her she flips. We have this schedule every week. I cant hang out with my friends because it breaks the schedule. I have nobody.


You need to learn how to have friends. Get a social hobby and tread very slowly observing and learning how to manage friends.

Your ocd regarding suicide is just stupid. Whatever happens next is definitely not portrayed in this life terms so suicide has to be the most stupid, selfish, violent act anyone can attempt. What a twat you are for not working that out yourself.

When you die, you can answer those questions that you have about death but for now you really need a socialising hobby even if its a two player game.


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