the reality of my depression

[tommy-boy]

I lay here sprawled alone once again
No sounds but the constant
Beating of my empty heart
Thudding gently against my chest
Darkness surrounds me
Swirling about and suffocating me
Slowly choking me off
From the rest of the world
The familiar ache deep
In the pit of my stomach
Lets me know that all is okay
I am comfortable here now
Comfortable with the pain that
Comes with each new day
The emptiness that fills my heart
And the shame and hopelessness
That spills out of my soul
Going about my day wondering
If today will be my last
If this will be the day that finally
Takes me to the dark place
Deep within my mind
Buried within my soul
The place I cannot return from
Once I have finally given up
Each day pulls me closer to
The edge of the abyss
Gently tugging at my heart
Coaxing me to come
All of the sorrow and the pain
All of the shame
All of the comfort I find
In my own living hell
Tempting me to leave it all behind
No more happy face
No more pretending
A new reality for those around me
I no longer fear death
Finding myself often longing for it
I find myself slowly, methodically
Being sucked from this world to another
The deep, dark place continues to call
Wearing me down
Overwhelming me with guilt and shame
The weight of hopelessness and shame
Becoming more than I can bear
Weaving its way deep within me
Dragging me deeper into the depths
Of the dark place
Should I ever succumb to
The demons in that domain
I know it is a place from
Which I will never return
At least my tortured soul
Would finally be free of the
Bondage of shame and guilt
Those around me shall be released
From the worry and fear
The need to worry and wonder
Where and how I am
Free to go on with their lives
And the freedom to be unburdened
By the hopelessness and the
Helplessness and the guilt that is me

[Misty]

(((((Tommy-Boy)))))

It is SO good to see you here! I don't think I have ever heard such as you have posted. Forgive me if I seem a bit formal in my words but I can't help it. Your grasp on what your soul is going through actually made me cry because I could not have said that in a million years and it is so true.

Something must have happened Tommy, you've come this far and can't stop now. When you are ready...we can talk some more.

So I'll keep this short for now. The last thing I want to say is you have lightened the moods and helped many just by your jokes and I miss you. Please come back here soon, ok?

Be a good Boy (had to add that, hehe)
Misty