To Be

Poetry, short stories, paintings, photography, songs – art of all genres.

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Flux
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 4:37 pm

To Be

Postby Flux » Mon Nov 21, 2016 6:22 pm

To fumble through "life" utterly hollow,
To ever in pain and agony wallow,
To view the world in shades of black,
To only see the things I lack.

To gain accolades of meaning devoid,
To fake a smile while feeling the void,
To wear a mask for others to like,
To fear the torment that always does strike.

To know that inside me there is nothing left,
To learn I'd been born already bereft,
To find my woes stem from within, not without,
To hope every day just to somehow hold out.

To be the person that they all expect,
To lie to my friends and my secret protect,
To lie to myself, saying they'd understand,
To try and see friendships crumble to sand.

To be crowded by friends and still be alone,
To have their support yet remain on my own,
To gain gratitude and be everyone's hero,
To gauge my own worth to be absolute zero.

To get the first call when they need a hand,
To not be on the list when they seek a friend,
To be commonly seen as of the elite,
To scarcely be thought of when they save a seat.

To try to fit in but still feel cast out,
To sit by myself, to cry, frown and pout,
To gaze and to wonder as to why I'm still here,
To take my own life with my first smile sincere.

Nietzsche
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:45 pm

Re: To Be

Postby Nietzsche » Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:58 pm

Flux,

This may be the most beautiful poem I have ever seen. It made me cry for hours because it is the story of my life. I am new to these forums, but I want this to be my first response. I see the beauty inside of you. I see a person who has so much love and happiness to share, but thinks he or she has nobody. I have no solution to your problems, but I have to say this: I have been on a streacher going to the hosiptal after trying to hang myself. And again after cutting so deep inside my arm that I could see the bone. I know everything seems hopeless and you feel that nobody would care. But think again. After numerous suicide attempts, I can tell you that if you try and hurt yourself or kill yourself you only cause more pain to those who are around you. You may think that people do not care and some may not, but the people who do care out number the people who do not 10 to 1. But if nobody you think nobody cares, then think again. I care. Even though I do not know you, I would be devastated. Good luck. Just remember that people always care.

Flux
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 4:37 pm

Re: To Be

Postby Flux » Tue Nov 29, 2016 1:26 pm

Hi Nietzsche (cool name, by the way),

Thank you for you compliment, sympathy and advice.
This is actually a rather old poem of mine; I just wanted to refer to it in a post I made in the forums (and I thought it would go well here in general), so I decided to post it.
As for your actual remarks - I've never really tried to commit suicide.
What I wrote may be a bit intense, but it's just a poem. =)
It describes how I felt, not what I did.
I know that I do have lots of people who care about me and that it's just the cognitive distortions that warp my thoughts which make it seem like I don't.
But there's a difference between knowing something is true and feeling it's true.
So the knowledge helps, but only so much.

In any case - there's no danger here.
Just some pessimism in some verses and rhymes.


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