Today's feelings
Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:28 am
We use words to express ourselves,
But I'm not a human like you,
Your words still wound but,
It's that look, it tells me so much,
Your lips say "I'm here to help"
Your face disagrees, there's disbelief there.
The pity strikes deep as I prove myself,
Yes, look at my past, see how it's marked me,
But do not pity me, I don't need that.
Who gave you the right to feel disgust?
Only I get to feel that about this mangled flesh I live in,
It's mine to hate,
Mine to desire escape from.
The way you're looking at me now makes me unsafe,
Each second ticking past is torture,
More harsh a torture than had been planned.
I want out and cannot say it with my words,
But my body is screaming it at you
"Get out! Get Away! I do not want you here!"
As soon as you're gone, our time up, I'm fighting.
This battle is older than my time caring to win,
A nearly constant struggle with the demons in my head.
They give me ideas,
Thanks to them nothing around me is safe.
I know ways to end all the pain and thought,
Too many to count,
But here I sit, using my words, trying to explain it;
This utter hatred of myself,
Of the world,
Of my past and where everything that hurts,
Everything that de-humanises me,
Everything that made me the internal animal I am,
Everything which put these demons here,
In my head.
My broken head, with it's broken feelings and dark thoughts.
But I'm not a human like you,
Your words still wound but,
It's that look, it tells me so much,
Your lips say "I'm here to help"
Your face disagrees, there's disbelief there.
The pity strikes deep as I prove myself,
Yes, look at my past, see how it's marked me,
But do not pity me, I don't need that.
Who gave you the right to feel disgust?
Only I get to feel that about this mangled flesh I live in,
It's mine to hate,
Mine to desire escape from.
The way you're looking at me now makes me unsafe,
Each second ticking past is torture,
More harsh a torture than had been planned.
I want out and cannot say it with my words,
But my body is screaming it at you
"Get out! Get Away! I do not want you here!"
As soon as you're gone, our time up, I'm fighting.
This battle is older than my time caring to win,
A nearly constant struggle with the demons in my head.
They give me ideas,
Thanks to them nothing around me is safe.
I know ways to end all the pain and thought,
Too many to count,
But here I sit, using my words, trying to explain it;
This utter hatred of myself,
Of the world,
Of my past and where everything that hurts,
Everything that de-humanises me,
Everything that made me the internal animal I am,
Everything which put these demons here,
In my head.
My broken head, with it's broken feelings and dark thoughts.