Just a couple of old writings of mine.

[JovianHalo13]

Intro-
Just to put this out there. I no longer suffer from depression, at least not as badly as i used to and i no longer SI. The following are writings from that time in my life. These were how i expressed myself. I want to post them for others to read, hoping that they will help someone to know that they are not alone.

Title: It All Goes On Without Me
Written 2005

I go through day after day each one identical to the one i call yesterday. Looking, watching, thinking, feeling. All the same. The sun may shine, or the sky may darken with clouds that carry the rain. But i...i sit here, unsure of these thoughts, these feelings. I watch those around me go about their days, laughing, smiling, crying. Yet they still go on. But i...i sit and watch them. My head spins, my heart beats. I inhale, i exhale, and it all goes on without me. The leaves turn red, and fall, dying. The world i know covers in white. The sun will shine again. The rain will come, the tears of the world. And i...I just sit, thinking, why does it all keep going? When will it all end? Or am i destined to sit and watch, feel as the world goes on. The sun sets, the sun rises. Light and dark, day and night, while i...i sit in my eternal night. The darkness conqueres my thoughts. It takes over my life. Then one day while my head spins with the terrifying thoughts, the pain. That day my heart will cease to beat, and my chest will not longer rise and fall with breath. But i...i am still sitting, still feeling, and thinking, and watching. It all goes on without me.

Title: Alone Again
Written 2006

Here i am alone again, with no one else around
Mistakes i've made, for which i've paid, i bleed without a sound
The tears i cry, will fall and die, my pleas will not be heard
I beg for mercy, scream for help, but no one hears a word

Here i am alone again, with no one else in sight
The things i thought, the fights i fought in the darkness of the night
With a razorblade i'm still afraid, these wounds just will not heal
I need the pain, to keep me sane, bleeding just to feel

Title: You Can't See
Written 2006

You look at me but still can't see
the feelings in my eyes
you think you know why i don't show
and i bury things inside
you look at me but still can't see
the truth behind my lies
you say you're there but still don't care
and just ignore my cries
you look at me but still can't see
the scars i always hide
you just can't see the pain i need
this blade has satisfied
you look at me but still can't see
the person i've become
you don't understand the touch of your hand
to you i have gone numb
you look at me but still can't see
what i will always know
you thought you cared, just stood and stared
as the blood began to flow

That's all for now, but i have plenty more to share if anyone would like to read them.

[shmuel]

hi JovianHalo13... good ta meet ya here.
Thanks so much for sharing your stuff here.
I got water in me eyes and goose bumps from reading you words...
Its so good to know and hear that things are better for you today.
Please do share more if you want... and a little point for others....write ya feelings and thoughts down. All part of the way