Frozen words

[inrecovery2011]

When the words I want to say stay froze
Without the willingness to make them flow
I wonder if it even matters
If I am just a bother
Should I just hide inside my head
If I tell you what is going on in my head will you still be there or once again left without the friend I have come to know
I strive to be a better person but still no matter what I hate me
When I look in the mirror and try to see what others see I can’t
The only thing I see is this pathetic loser who can’t save herself
If only I could share the truth behind what you see
The smile you want to see drains me
Smiling is too hard when you look at yourself in the mirror and see all the things you can’t stand in yourself you will see I have no real reason to smile
I feel I have lost the one person I couldn’t afford to lose myself
Now that the person I was is gone trying to regain her is too hard
Not having the strength to hold on much longer why did I have to lose sight of my goal
Oh well I guess happiness is a thing of the past
An elusive ghost that runs to the dark tempting me only to hide yet again a forced smile is what I show the world
If I let people get close they will only leave hurt abounds but I try to not show the true me the person of disgust I truly am
I seem to be lost in the sea of thought not able to relate them forgive me for who I have become