Memories Continually Resurfacing (triggering material)

[Silent_One]

Memories Continually Resurfacing
In my life you were always the one thing I feared,
And before you died, I wish you could have heard,
I wish you could have seen, the way it affected me,
Why couldn't you just let me be?

As years past by i got older; older and brighter,
and our relationship bond grew tighter and tighter.
Something started to feel wrong,
Like there was an element there that didn't belong.

You grew close to me and acted like my friend,
Then you manipulated and threatened me,
Took away my innocence, my love of life,
But nobody would believe or see.

Nobody cared to ask why you tried to be alone with me,
When I tried to protest nobody seemed to hear or see,
So you always took what you wanted,
And now I will be forever changed, forever haunted.

I bet you never looked back on what you begun,
I bet you didn't even care; for you it was probably all fun,
Now your gone, but that doesn't mean everything can be erased,
no one knows about the pain that I continue to face.

i dont know what to do, don't know what to say,
I'll never be able to forget these horrible things you did,
you'll never understand how I felt on any of those days,
or how much pain that i have hid.

I could go to psychiatrists and spill out my thoughts,
they could give me pills and say I've been taught.
They can look at me and say "It's ok I Understand"
But they will never know or feel the terror of a Grandfather's Hand.

I waited and waited for a day to come,
when revenge would be given for the damage you'd done.
I hoped that later on in your old pathetic life,
you'd see me and how badly you ruined mine.

I wish you could have felt what I felt over the years,
I wish I could have made you feel the same pain,
Made you cry the same endless tears,
Made you feel like you were going insane.

[hollyann]

I can feel the emotion in this and glad you had this avenue to let it out at least. And yes so often it feels like it is our own burden to carry. To hold that noone understands. But sometimes people can get a sort of understanding from hearing others stories, or they might be hiding a similar one of their own. Ive had counelors in the past that actually have been there. It was my grandpa for me but my father. You have so much courage, I know the memories can make you afraid again, they hurt, it makes it hard to trust others because the ones you should have been able to trust you couldnt. And I know the anger and the bitterness is the real thing. My dad went to jail for what he did. 10 years time, out in 7 good behavior, and I felt like I had the life long sentence. There others more than people care to admit that know a similar pain, you'll find that here, and ones that will allow you to open up. Its hard to be alone, and especially alone in the mind.

Thank you for having the courage to speak.
Holly

[crystalgaze]

I, too, am glad that you would put out your feelings. Get them out.....


Please be careful of the words 'never' & 'forever (+ negative trait)...... Be careful, alright? You probably already know that; I'm just saying it for gentle encouragement.

A mantra I thought up for you & that applies to myself as well is:

"I won't let you take my life from me!" "I won't let you steal anymore of my life."

I think that's probably my battle cry when things are really getting to me. It's my silent mantra everyday really. I think that's part of why I am able to try to go forward.... I'm not saying it's easy or anything like that....

Take care please!