Depression Understood Forums

I feel like sometimes I'm told whatever happens in life is meant to happen... and what will be will be because it's for a reason etc... But then on the other hand, I get told we are meant to make our own choices and our choices in life make our destiny, and that if we want something, we have to change whatever it is that is stopping us from getting what we want.

Does anyone have any ideas or opinions around this? Because it makes me feel so confused... If I'm constantly being told 'it will all work out in the end' but yet we need to make our own destiny...

This probably sounds like I'm worrying too much about the future, maybe thats the anxiety. It's pretty deep and complicated but I can't help but feel that these two conflicting ideas are stuck with me

Hi ChocolateIsLove,

I agree with you that there is a contradiction between Not worrying (and overdoing worrying is to me just another word for anxiety ...) and choice and control.

I think I've come by my anxiety naturally, and biologically. In the 2005 or so I got to drive my father to inpatient care ... about 200 miles. On the way there I played a lot of Simon and Garfunkle just to keep the mood mellow. We were coming in from the country and reached a place where we could take one or another county road to get to two different interstates. I asked him which we should take and he got agitated talking about all the bad things that could happen with either choice.

I said great, it doesn't matter, we can handle it, and flipped a coin. As I age I feel the same sort of anxiety my dad was feeling kick in (He was in late 60s, I'm currently in my late 50s).

I think about just flipping that coin a lot, I hope that as I age I have the ability to continue to decide that something is out of my control and just accept that I will be able to deal with it ...

I think there is a HUGE possibility for bad things to happen whenever we believe, "it was meant to happen". While this makes us feel better by removing us from feeling like it was our fault, it by nature takes away our power. Successful people have a few things in common. One is they don't make decisions based on it was meant to be They tend to come at life with the mindset they are responsible for all things which happen to them. Bad good, whatever.

Im a depression survivor and coach. Each week I put out a newsletter dedicated to making all our lives just a bit more awesome.

100footpole, drm.big, I really appreciate those replies.
It has given me some confidence to be able to 'let go' more, I think I need to keep trying to live in the present more, and take each day as it comes. I think we are mostly in control of how we FEEL about things that happen to us, but not always in control of the things that do happen to us... If this makes sense!

Hi chocolateislove,

I feel the same way! I've always been told, "things will just work out," or "the universe will provide," and the truth is, things have worked out. But the other truth is, I put a lot of effort into making those things work out. And also, when my mother was depressed and didn't put enough effort into her life - she'd always tell me to just trust that things would be okay because that was her luck in life. And things eventually were okay, but after a lot of years of suffering... :/

The older I get the more I've realized I can't control my life as much as I can control how I react to it. I think that it's probably a healthier mindset to feel like you make your own destiny, but this wasn't the way I was raised so it's hard for me to switch perspectives.

Thanks for bringing this up! I hope you're doing well!
-ws