To Nay and Wolfie

[nenkohai2]

My apologies to you continue to echo and I hope their sincerity has come through.

I kind of wanted to introduce you to the new me.

Time and again, I've been reminded of the matador vision. Nay, you nailed it. I see it now - my inner bull is trying to kill me. I'm doing this to myself as S looks on and cheers - not out maliciousness, not at all. But out of ignorance; out of the idea that it's the correct and proper thing to do. You and I know that it is not. Perhaps it doesn't matter to you or have no meaning, but I am learning to shape that dynamic. Slowly. The spiritual component is there and I am shaping that, too.

I've layed aside mysticism. You know me... I was looking. Sufism? Esoteric Christianity? Gnosticism? I did finally land on a philosophy that works for me: Buddhism. Pragmatic. The "how" and "why" to Christianity's "what."

I've not discounted the stories of Uluru. I can't.

Wolfie - son or not the love I feel for you is genuine. I'm sorry you are hurt. I am sorry I caused it. I was trying to gather all the love I could to me. I was trying to hoard it. I didn't know what I was doing. I was meant to learn, but my baser-self took it a place it should not have gone.

I hurt you guys, badly. I am so sorry. I still think of you both with love.
But, I think it's better that I not make contact. There's no point in a dialog now other than to assuage my guilt. And that's not a good enough reason. I write here with the reasonable certainty that you will never see this. I release it, then, to the Universe as intent: love to you both in whatever form it ultimately comes to you.

K

(aka N)