Working on it. My Mind can be such an a-hole sometimes.

[nenkohai2]

Here's the thing: I know you liked the book "50 Shades..." I know you wanted to live-out some of those things. But that was 2 and 1/2 years ago! And you know, since the movie has come out (and I hear it sucks... and I'm glad!), you come unbidden into my mind.

I hate that you liked that book so much. And I hate that you came at me in such a sexual way.

Truth is, I miss you in the same way a heroin addict misses his dope. And I'm pissed. At what happened in summer 2012 and how it damaged me and my family. And I have no one to blame except myself. And I do. Relentlessly.

Do I hate you? Some days, yes, I do. Then there are stretches of days where you never even come to mind. Then this movie hit. I hope its a shitty movie. I will never see it.

Somehow, I am pleased about the things you will never know about me... the new things. I feel as if I'm giving you the finger, in a way. The ultimate passive aggressive behavior.

If you had truly loved me - with an emotionally intelligent love - this never would have happened. At the time neither of us had that ability.

God. I'm just going to leave the husk of my feelings here. I'm done with carrying them around. Its stupid.