New Baby, I should be happier right?

[BRabbit]

I had my baby a month ago since he was a week old I kept getting these feelings like he's getting older i want to go back to before he was born, i think about when we told everyone we're pregnant, & the day we found out he was a boy i want to go back to that time, i'd even go through labor & delivery again. I love him so much & i'm happy he's here but I was dressing him the other day in the outfit we brought him home in & the pants all of the sudden look like he's waiting for a flood, I started bawling when i thought he's not going to be my little baby anymore.

I live 2 hours away from my mom and she has only seen him twice since he's been born, she's coming up at the end of the month but I'm sad because he will be around 6 weeks then, & my sisters & brother live even farther so it could be Christmas before they see him and he will be 5 months then and he's going to be bigger. My one sister who lives in the same city as my mom had a baby 6 weeks before me and gets to see my mom all the time, she's constantly messaging me telling me funny things noah has did with mom & how adorable it is to see them together and my mom will tell me about all his little milestones while im trying to tell her about my son and it's starting to make me resent the poor kid, at least be insanly jealous and not want to hear about him anymore. i feel bad it's not me i'm not myself.

My husband's family has seen him alot & they make it known they come up more & bought so much more for my shower then my family, my family isn't that well off but even after my shower his family went back to him saying my family did nothing & they bought most of the stuff (my mom through me the shower). They came to visit a couple of weeks ago and kept saying how oh we were nervous you wouldn't get alot of baby clothes or the small stuff because we bought all the big stuff, and you should really have a rocker when i told them my mom is going to buy me a rocker when she comes up, even my husband is saying why can't i just get one of my family members to buy it i just feel bad you say your mom couldn't afford it then how is she going to do it when she comes down? it's truly getting to me and im starting to hate his family.

There's so much that I'm feeling lately, My friend told me she was going to try to get pregnant after her & her husband moved into her new house and for some reason i was a little jealous and extremely upset, I feel like I should be living in a house instead of a 2 bedroom apartment (which used to be good enough for me considering where i came from until she said that) I feel like I'm not good enough for my son, like i can't give him all the things she can give her baby, I feel in adequate. I get nervous when my baby coughs or makes these little noises like he gasps and he spit up the other night & i thought it was a vomit so I cried over that. I love my son so much, he's always smiling for me i just feel like I'm not being the mom i should be. I wanted so bad to be happy for my friend too, I don't know why I wasn't maybe it was just a really exciting time being pregnant, I forget the heartburn and stuff but i should be happy for her, why can't i just be happy i have my baby? Is this normal? am i a bad mom? I know this forum is all over the place & i'm sure it's confusing, i have so many thoughts in my head and i feel like im in a fog, I just needed to vent I called the public health nurse here and she made me feel worse she kept asking me in different ways if I wanted to hurt myself or my baby...... I could never hurt my baby and i wont hurt myself either and i told her I don't feel unattached to my child but she told me that's pretty much what i was telling her when i told her i wanted to go back in time before he was here. I feel like the biggest piece of junk is this normal? when will i be happy again?