Have you ever dealt with this?

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Mommyofone
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2014 1:33 am

Have you ever dealt with this?

Postby Mommyofone » Wed Feb 26, 2014 1:51 am

Has anyone ever opened up to someone, told them you were depressed, and then that person just completely disregards what you said? Has it happened more than once?

4EverMe
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Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Feb 26, 2014 3:29 am

Hi Mommyofone,
Are you referring to a spouse? A friend?
Could this person be feeling responsible for your pain, and therefore having a difficult time facing it?
Maybe, they don't know how to help, and are therefore feeling powerless around you. There are a myriad of reasons that people react the way they do...
Fear. Guilt. Helplessness. Anger, etc.
Sometimes, a person won't even realize why they're reacting the way they are.

If I were you, I'd choose a good/safe time to bring up this issue. Watch their body language, listen to the tone in their voice. Set your eyes on theirs. You may be able to figure out what's up, and work with them from there.

But, yes. I'm sure many of us have experienced what you've posted. I brought up my depression to an ex once. As it turned out? He was masking a depression of his own, and therefore, found himself feeling powerless to help me. This caused his pain to only worsen. This, in turn, led to sort of a subconscious avoidance.

Will you describe in more detail the circumstances you're dealing with?

Frame
Moderator
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Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:02 am

I have a sister; actually, I have four sisters Mommyofone, and all four react differently to my concepts of depression as applied to me or others.

But I have this one sister; she's intelligent, logical, successful, she's actually a good listener. But since we were small children, she has always been very strong minded. She is considerate, and generous, but also has rigid boundaries set up in her life. One of the things that makes her so productive is that she is so unyielding. She is not a polymath, not a genius, and even if she were when we accept the truth of every argument we never get any where.

So it's not unusual to have her deny and even get violently angry if I try to push the evidence of real fact in a persuasive argument I'm making. I've chosen to give up and let her win some of her arguments because I have come to understand that part of the key to her success is that she knows her limits. She knows that she has already come to reasonable and logical conclusions about many subjects. Even if there are equally compelling alternate arguments, she doesn't have time to go back and redevelop every opinion. (Even if the opinion is that it's my turn to watch what I want on TV.)

Which leads me to:
Has anyone ever opened up to someone, told them you were depressed, and then that person just completely disregards what you said? Has it happened more than once?

With this sister it happens over and over again. And she married the same type of person.

But I have three points to make about this situation:

A) I know she loves me. And even her arrogant and childish husband likes and cares about me. I can either accept and adapt or let myself be hurt by their rejection of my feelings and opinions.

B) It doesn't mean that, if some time later, I present the same ideas from a different perspective (that doesn't confront their preconceived notions) they won't engage and discuss and accept what I'm saying.

C) People change. They don't have a choice. My sister has two sons. And as they have grown, the family has come to realize they both have ADHD. This has changed many of my sisters notions about me, what I've gone through, and how to approach what I tell her.

I was ignored through out my life, by this sister and many other people, because of the unique nature of my reasoning. And so it hurts for me to be ignored today (but keep in mind I let myself be hurt. I have the control although it often doesn't feel that way.). Depression is a very difficult concept (at present) to deal with in an open an logical way. So it is one of those things. People will reach a point where they have no answers and they just have to turn it off. And we have to move on; we have to keep going. But those people aren't lost for ever.


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