Today I came online feeling sorry for myself.

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Glad2bme
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:06 am

Today I came online feeling sorry for myself.

Postby Glad2bme » Fri Dec 27, 2013 11:57 am

Have had a "bi-polar" Christmas so far. Everything is larger than life and either very wonderful or very awful. I've been in reaction mode and felt like the family just beat the hell out of me this year. Been suicidal at least a dozen times since about the 20th of the month.

I'm not even "bi-polar" so this experience has been even MORE difficult to deal with. BUT.....

When my daughter in law said in this whinny voice, "Oh, not yet, we just woke up and aren't ready to have anyone come downstairs," I totally took it the wrong way. I know in my head that she doesn't think I'm something so awful she can't bear to look at me until after she's eaten, but THAT is how it felt at the moment. Still stings.

But I made a decision to come on the forum instead of go and make a pot of coffee as an excuse to put "Irish Cream" in it. Then my best friend called and listened to ME whine and was still happy to have talked to me. Hopefully we will be able to get together tomorrow for dinner.

I didn't post right away, but tried to come up with some positives for others because doing something for someone else helps me feel empowered. And VIOLA! Feeling better.

Thanks for being here to listen folks. It really makes a difference having someplace to shake out the terrible thoughts so I can walk around without them clinging to me like stubborn leaches sucking the lifeblood out of my day.

Glad

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Fri Dec 27, 2013 11:59 am

Happy you feel you could post this, well done for doing that.
Should be proud of yourself for that. I sure am.

Glad we could help you in someway.

Always here to listen.

Don't feel sorry for yourself, try to be happy and stay strong.

(((Hugs)))

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Fri Dec 27, 2013 12:24 pm

I am also glad for your posting Glad2bme. And I'm glad you are you.

I'm not sure why a pot of coffee and Irish Cream aren't such a bad idea. OK, well, maybe I do. The more I get to know and understand my depression, the less I feel like drinking alcohol. Kind of thought it would be the opposite.

Perhaps it's that, as life progresses, I spend less time accommodating, spending time with chaotic groups of family and friends. And hey, I guess that was why I was drinking. But now my senses are sharper, things annoy me more, I do get lonely. Do I miss out? I'm not so sure. It's hard enough to see through the worlds bull... to find what is true.

I spent christmas hiking 25 miles with a camera. I guess, that if I spent christmas in a drunken brawl venting my angst, I might have felt better. But there are always people who get the short end of that stick. And every year I am more saddened at the idea of hurting the gentler members of the party.

So I find your bi-polar christmas an act of courage, especially without the Irish Cream. I applaud your efforts to find positive thoughts [I do believe they come before the positive feelings] and I encourage you on your journey toward more of them.

Frame

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Fri Dec 27, 2013 12:26 pm

^^^ 100% agree with frame.


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