I need some advice. (family matter)

[King of self]

Hello everyone,
These days I am going through very stressful time and I just can't focus on anything properly neither think properly. Because I wanted to move abroad and at this time it can't be done as it will need time so I just don't know what to do.
I told my family members not to tell about this to anyone from outside till everything gets done and I get a positive outcome for it and also I specifically told them to not to tell about this to a few people in my extended family because I just feel very uncomfortable if any of them pokes nose into my business and they feel quite happy if something bad happens.
So the thing turned out to be different. My mother confided in near about everything about this to one of them. She still lies to me that she hasn't told about this to anyone. I got to know about it because one of them asked me that you were moving abroad? so when are you going? It infuriated me and as a result, I stopped talking to my mother because this has happened for over a number of times that she confides in everything about my family to them. Whereas they don't share anything about theirs with us.
So I want to ask you people that am I doing right? If not then what should I do?
I would really appreciate some replies because I don't want to take any step which may have negative impact on either me or my parents or my family.

[Ieris]

Hello,

I think you have every right to be annoyed. You have stopped talking to her as punishment, when my mum did that many years ago i went and said something about hers, she didn't like that. i made it clear that if she talks about me then i will talk about her, i know it is mean but it worked.

They would probably say its no big deal but it is to you and as this has happened on quite a few occasions maybe it would be wise not to tell your mother/family anything if they can't keep it to themselves.

I hope things work out with going abroad, just out of curiosity where did you want to go?

[CrazyLady17]

Just want to send some (((hugs))) your way.

[PixieArmy]

Dear King of Self,

I agree that you have every right to be angry, as your privacy was not respected. However maybe you can find a way to express your discontent without it meaning having a great fight? Can you think maybe some assertive way to do it?

I think maybe you can start by validating what your mom did, something like: i understand why you didi it, you wanted to share something big that was going on… just so she doesn't get all defensive. Then express your feelings, however, I did requested you not to share it, and you sharing it makes me feel: bla bla.

When I have a important talk I need to have with someone I usually practice it, make flash cards of important things, look at myself at the mirror and go through it, imagine any possible answer and know how i want to respond to that. If you have someone you trust, maybe ask them to roll play with you.

I hope you find this helpful and that you find the support you are looking for here.

PixieArmy