My Journal (Triggering Material)

[Frame]

I mentioned earlier somewhere, that we should take our triumphs personally.
Not self harming has been important to you.
How many days has it been? Let's not loose count.

[CrazyLady17]

Think you have mentioned that in serval of my posts, but yes I remember
Yes let's not lose count now!! It's around 7/8 days without self harming now! So so proud of myself

[Frame]

Dec 28 it looks like. Do I have it right or not?

[CrazyLady17]

Yes I think you are right Frame.
Let's not lose count, I want to be able to stop self harming all together , but taking it one day at a time for now

So far today I haven't self harmed.

[CrazyLady17]

Well today's been a good and bad da if I'm totally honest....

Good parts;
Did some craft work
Skype with my cousin
Smiled a little
Listened to the staff here(for once)...

Bad parts;
Pissed off with myself
Suicidal thoughts(now gone)...
Pissed off with some of the staff here
Cried a little

But am now going to sleep with a little smile on my face after having a good old cry curled up in my bed and now feel a lot fresher and ready to have some sleep.
Also it's now been 8/9 days without self harming! And still counting and will carry on counting until the day I stop self harming altogether.
Am so so proud of myself if how far I've come.

Thank you for listening.

[4EverMe]

I'm do proud of you, 'Crazy!'
You're coming a long way, and happy for you. It shows me you're " buckin up," and toughening up! Good for you, and keep it up

[4EverMe]

I'm do proud of you, 'Crazy!'
You're coming a long way, and happy for you. It shows me you're " buckin up," and toughening up! Good for you, and keep it up

[CrazyLady17]

Why the air things around "crazy" eh?

Aww thank you so mean, means the complete world to me. Really it does
Yes I have come a long way and yes I am starting to "buck up" just taking a day at a time and taking baby steps.

[CrazyLady17]

Well today's not been too bad I suppose....
Have had some suicidal thoughts but they passed as the day got on and as I kept myself busy for a few hours by celebrating my 10 days of going without self harming at all!! Yaaaay!! Actually quite surprised with myself , but at the same time am very proud of myself too!! Smiles all round I think

Have been let down by my parents once again today though, and did end up crying and refusing to talk to anyone, but after I calmed down I finally opened up to the staff here.
Also starting to kind of like an get used to be on a section unit now..

Still wanna go home though.
I miss home.
Wait? I don't have a home... I don't have a place to call "home" anymore.

Thank you for listening.

[CrazyLady17]

Well today turned out to be such a horrible, dark, heartbreaking an upsetting day for me to be fair... Not been in the best of places in my head today and if I'm totally honest I haven't been feeling too "good" or too "happy" today, been feeling pretty low, depressed and had a few suicidal thoughts and still do to be honest, and yes I wish I could act on them but I'm afraid I can't.... So will sleep on it and see how I wake up tomorrow..

Do feel so weak and worthless and useless and also worst of all feel such a failure and will always be a failure to my parents.
They can stick their "love" up where the sun don't shine!!

Had enough,
Today's been dreadful and feel dreadful. Been crying most of the day and now feel unwell.. Great.

Thank you for listening.

[CrazyLady17]

Well today has been such a horrible and upsetting day for me. Ende up spending the day in my room crying my eyes out, because I am hurt and upset and very distressed about things. Also ended up sneaking to the bathroom and self harming. Argh! I was going so well without it as well, great now I've had a massive slip up and started self harming again. What a waste of time, I'm suh a failure....

Going to bed crying and feeling very low isn't the one, so probably will end up having to cry myself to sleep tonight.
What a massive knock back.

My day hasn't been the best this week, it's been the worst this week.


Thank you for listening.

[CrazyLady17]

Well today's been a heartbreaking and very upsetting day. My parents are such idiots and right now I seriously do feel so ashamed of them. Never cried so much to be honest, all their harsh comments weren't needed and especially to hear them sort of things from my parents were even more heartbreaking.

I ended up self harming again today. No!!!
Feel so ashamed of myself and feel so guilty and suh a failure.

I just want to cry myself to sleep.
But probably won't sleep tonight!

Thank you for listening.

[CrazyLady17]

Well today hasn't been good at all, ended up self harming again and woke up with such a pain in my neck and couldn't move it all day and still can't move my neck now! OUCH!!! It kills me
I don't know what I've done? :/

Had enough.
Feel like I've gone right down hill again and feel like I'm trapped in a black black hole again and this time there smile escaping it...
So scary and dark here. It's not a nice place to be at all.

I want to cry.
I want hugs.
I need love,
I need someone to care. Please? Anyone?
I'm so lonely.



Thank you for listening.

[CrazyLady17]

Well I've had a very tough, hard, emotional day.... Today was 3 months since Rosie committed suicide I couldn't help but spend the whole day crying and crying... Her parents came to visit me earlier on and we had a chat and a good cry(made me feel less alone and less upset)...
I miss her to much.

Ended up self harming again today...
I've gone right down hill again. Ops!
I feel like I've hit rock bottom again.

Lost my parents.
Lost my friends.
I need someone to talk to?
Need someone to turn to? I have nobody....

I am completely alone

Thank you for listening.