Feeling at my lowest (Triggering)

[CrazyLady17]

Feeling at my very lowest again. Oh dear!!
Parents kicked me out and I feel so lonely, feel so empty, feel so lost. Why do I feel this way? Why can't I just beat this depression off?
I'm sick and tired of it all now.
Slowly giving up again.

[CrazyLady17]

Hate the feeling of not being wanted by my parents oh my.
No wonder I'm so depressed, I wish I could just curl up and sleep for a while

[no_answer]

hello and glad to see you hanging on...
you lost a friend, you gained a human being dear to you...
if you don't believe in abortion, please don't harm yourself no more, because you are harming the baby too...
did you check link like this? http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy- ... aspx#close
there may be help there for you...
sometimes, difficult things lead to better things to come...
don't despair, even if it is easy to get desperate with all the things happening to you...

[CrazyLady17]

Hello,
Aww thank you for the link- will check that out when soon as possible. So thank you again for that. Did you look that up by the way?
And yes I'm just about hanging in there to be honest.... Have been harming myself a lot recently though... And really can't help the way I feel anymore, and it hurts a lot.

Yes I suppose I did...
I don't want to harm myself you know? I don't want to harm my baby you know? But it's my depression- my depression takes over and feels my brain what to do next. It's like my Demond's come out and I have no power over what I do anymore. Does that sound crazy and stupid?
I really don't know what to do anymore.

This pregnancy is a shock

[CrazyLady17]

Bad thoughts everywhere!!! Oh dear lord!!
I can't distract myself, I've tried everything, morning works. I'm freaking out here and feel so so lonely and can stop crying.
Home alone as everyone has gone to work or college and I feel so alone and in so much hurt and suffering a lot. I feel so bad today, I feel so low and depressed. I feel at my very lowest.
I need someone to talk to, someone to care, someone to know I'm hurting so much inside and out.

I can't do this.

[CrazyLady17]

Can't do this anymore. I feel so so low.
I feel so alone, it's not fair. I need to have some peace.
I've suffered enough and hurting enough.

Got very strong thoughts to harm myself.
Oh dear

[no_answer]

Hang in there.Y ou feel pain, because you are alive...being alive is good...maybe, then pain is good...
No thoughts are bad, but some actions are bad. Start watching your thoughts, like someone else is thinking it...just watch them, so that they will pass and change and pass and change. Who's putting these thoghts in your mind? not you...who? the universe? let them flow...they'll pass and change. Just don't act, except constructively.
You cannot control your thoughts directly. Just watch them and accept them. The thoughts hate being watched. They dissolve when you do that. Then, you can act, because you can control your actions. But thoughts do get in the way. It is hard, I know. But trick your thoughts into dissolving. Then act.
You are writing very well. It means you are smart. I believe you'll pull out of this eventually.
Take care and keep posting. You are important. You are not alone.

[CrazyLady17]

Aww thank you, that means a lot to me it really does.
Thank you. I will keep on posting promise you. Hmm yes it's hard indeed. I guess so. Like I said before it's this horrible demond in me that controls the bad thoughts and makes me act on my actions you know? Then I become so powerless and can't control nothing. It's scary and horrible. I actually can't take anymore, at my breaking point and hitting rock bottom. There's only so much more I can take until I break for good.
I'll try and hang in there the best I can, but it's easier said than done right?

I'm trying so hard, but my best isn't good enough anymore.

[CrazyLady17]

Feeling so suicidal.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm not strong, I'm weak.
I'm giving up.

[CrazyLady17]

My suicidal feelings are too too strong now, oh dear!!
I can't do this. My depression has taken over again.
This isn't happening, already had the police round today after a failed attempt.
I'm such a screw up

[no_answer]

I'm sorry to hear that things I recommended didn't help. I really wanted you to get better. Another attempt....horrible! I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better, except just feeling your suffering. Just keep writing, so at least there is a sign you are still struggling, still alive or write when something good happens too. Belive me, it will, even though it doesn't seem like it at the moment.

[CrazyLady17]

Thank you so much. That's all I can say at the moment to be honest with you..
I tried all the suggestions you told me and what Frame told me- but not bing seemed to distract my mind from all those bad horrinle thoughts going round and round in my head. So in the end I gave up and let them thoughts win and attempted and self harmed badly ops. I'm truly sorry. I am trying my very dn hardest believe me, but like you said yourself I'm struggling a lot and it's noticeable and I guess that's what I want it to do. If that makese sense?

Last night was just a total nightmare, oh dear me!
I ended spending the night in the hospital getting stitches and getting myself and the baby checked over- everything with the baby is fine, but I could harm the baby if I carry on. And that makes me feel even more low and depressed as I'm not that kind of person, but my depressed takes over and brings that horrinle Demond out in me.
I'm quite proud of myself though for getting myself to hospital and getting some medical attention.

Still feeling pretty low and pretty suicidal though.


Thank you again.

[CrazyLady17]

Well today is another struggle for me....
Ended up self harming badly earlier on this morning and ended up getting more and more stitches at the hospita earlier.
Feeling ever so suicidal and feel like I want to act on them feelings.

Someone help me

[CrazyLady17]

Feel at my very very very lowest.
Erm well that's all I can say really right now, sorry

I feel like nobody cares.
I feel like nobody wants me here.
I feel like everyone wants me dead.
I feel like everyone is happy to see me depressed and this way.

Do you know something?
I can't take much more.

Most of all I feel hurt, angry, guilty and so lonely.

[CrazyLady17]

Don't see on any point on living anymore.
I'm not wanted and never will be wanted.
What's the point seriously? There isn't one.
Depression has won this battle.