my biological father

[ButterflyKisses]

I'm so upset, hurt, angry, confused....the list goes on and on.

My biological father (found and reunited with him 5 years ago) and I are in a bit of a disagreement. I was dating one of his work friends (my age) last year for about 4 months. My dad set us up thinking we would be a good match. Well, I didn't have feelings for this guy, so we split up. My father insists on having this guy over to his house when he knows I'm going to be there. I have repeatedly told my father to not have this guy around when I am there. (The guy stalked me, called me, etc. after the break up.) So now that I don't have him doing that anymore, my dad has him everywhere that I'm going to be! He had the nerve to bring him up to the hospital when my son was ill. He even had him to Thanksgiving dinner last week! I got tired of it and told him I wasn't going to come to his house anymore, if I knew this guy was going to be there.
My father sent me an email detailing that he was NOT going to be told who he could have in his house, and who he can't! It was a long and nasty email. I don't think I'm wrong about not wanting to have this ex-boyfriend/stalker at his house during a family holiday???
I have figured it out after doing some research online that some paternal parents that haven't brought up thier child/children don't get the instincts/ know how to treat their adult children. I think this is the case with my father. He treats me more like a buddy then a daughter. I don't think he realizes how hurt I am. I have told him....but I don't think he "gets it" like a parent who has raised their children would. I just don't know what to do. I feel like he has drawn a line in the sand. I won't be forced to see my ex....but I want to see my father. What am I supposed to do? I'm so heartbroken at the moment....

[COACH]

Thats a tough spot to be in. I know it. I think you have to just ask yourself is it worth seeing your father or not. How does your ex act in your presence? Can you avoid him.....Can you find out ahead of time when he will be at your fathers, and just agree to go there when he is not there. Maybe your father is trying to rekindle your relationship....does he know that he stalked you? Your father is friends with the man right, so I think that it would be on you to back off when you dont want to be in the presence of your ex. It sucks, and your father should know better, but like you said he didnt raise you, probably doesnt have the instinct, but I think thats what you need to do. Then maybe your father will realize and just stop inviting him around when you will be there.

[ButterflyKisses]

Thanks Coach for your reply and advice. Yes, my father knows my ex stalked me. I have also asked him not to have him there when I am coming over. So, its a no win situation. My father has clearly decided that his friendship is more important then our father/daughter relationship. I'm beside myself with grief over this.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((Butterfly))))))))))))))))

As you said in chat, he is your biological father. Not the father of your heart. You have done all you can, made every effort, give yourself credit for that. Hopefully he will see the hurt he has cause and try to make things right. Will keep you in my thoughts.

Warmie

[Stephen]

What's the latest Butterflykisses?

Have you and your biological father come to some sort of understanding now?

Take care and talk soon,

Stephen

[ButterflyKisses]

no update, as nothing has been said between the two of us.