Advice

[Tired toad]

I am in a pickle And need some advice. Earlier last year, I fell for the guy that has depression, anxiety, and has tried to commit suicide multiple times, and pissed off most of the girls at school so bad that the school classified it as emotional abuse. But, for some reason, he likes me back. We were talking back then and the topic drifted to sex. ( we both had feelings for each other) He wanted to screw me, and I wasn’t ready and I siding know what to do, so I cut off all contact with him. About 10 months passed without us talking except for him asking me why I hated him. During those 10 months, my depression and anxiety got exponentially worse. For example, in history one day, my class had to go to his and my friend was sitting next to him. Instead of dealing with him, I say on the opposite side of the room, and had my worst anxiety attack ever, I was shaking, couldn’t breathe, talk, move, or do anything except for write a song. ( I write songs and poems, all of them depressing. It’s a coping mechanism) I then realized I needed to do something, so wrote him a note and slipped it to him in art. It said to check his WhatsApp. He didint read it. Same thing the next day. The third day, I finally
wrote a page long apology that basically said I’m sorry and that there was a better way to go about that. He gave me a page long note saying that I was the only person that actually made him feel like he mattered and he was mad and so he was mean to all of his friends and he lost them. It also said that he hated me but also still liked me, and that it wouldn’t matter because he was eventually going to be consumed by his demons. He handed this note to me and said never to talk to him again. It didint really hit me until the end of the day, and when it did I had my worst anxiety attack up to date. I couldn’t even write. So, I tried to forget it and 3 months passed. Then it all came back, and I realized that I couldn’t just push it down and bottle it up. So, I wrote a 4 page long explanation and sent it to him. He emailed back that we needed to talk, and so we did. After a fair bit of explaining on both of our sides, we forgave each other. Now we are talking again and I told him I still like him. The odd thing is that when I told him that, I didint feel anything anymore. No sadness, love, hate, just nothing. And I have no idea what to do, so if any of you have anything to say, please help.

[Spleefy]

Hi Tired toad,

Only you can decide what is best for you in this situation.

From my an outsider’s point of view, and based on limited information on the matter, it sounds like what you would call a high risk relationship. There are too many red flags.

I can only go by the information you gave. Based on this, he does not sound like relationship material… at least not at this point in time. Maybe when he gets it together, he will be in a better position and have more to offer in a relationship.

Right now, he is volatile, has a track record of mistreating girls (based on what you described), he was mean to his friends (indication of how he treats other people, including how he may even treat you) and has a lot of his own issues with depression to deal with. He is struggling to keep on top his own life let alone take on another persons issues. Furthermore, the deep emotions of a romantic relationship would only compound the problem.

Another red flag is that you have already had so many issues, and you are both not even together yet. However, I don’t know how long you have known him and what you relationship was like before all this.

Nevertheless, it would be wise to either find a partner who is more emotionally stable and will treat you and other people well. Or just, for the time being, build a strong friendship with him. Give each other emotional support. Take your time on the romantic stuff. There is no rush!

Perhaps give this some more thought. Think with your head, not with your heart!

And, the fact that he was already talking about sex so early on is something that raises another red flag to me. I know it is customary for people to have premarital sex and act on sexual impulse, but it is far too premature to be discussing or even considering sex.

Also, the fact that you didn’t feel anything after telling him you still like him is another red flag.

I would suggest you get to know him more. If he makes a great friend, then there is a strong chance he will make a great partner.

So, from what you described, it is a high risk relationship and you are just headed for trouble by getting involved. Think it through before you put yourself in that type of messy situation.

However, your post was written a some time ago, so perhaps things did turn out the way you wanted them to. Maybe you took that chance with him and it all turned out well (so far) and it was worth that risk.

All the best.

[Prycejosh1987]

I am in a pickle And need some advice. Earlier last year, I fell for the guy that has depression, anxiety, and has tried to commit suicide multiple times, and pissed off most of the girls at school so bad that the school classified it as emotional abuse. But, for some reason, he likes me back. We were talking back then and the topic drifted to sex. ( we both had feelings for each other) He wanted to screw me, and I wasn’t ready and I siding know what to do, so I cut off all contact with him. About 10 months passed without us talking except for him asking me why I hated him. During those 10 months, my depression and anxiety got exponentially worse. For example, in history one day, my class had to go to his and my friend was sitting next to him. Instead of dealing with him, I say on the opposite side of the room, and had my worst anxiety attack ever, I was shaking, couldn’t breathe, talk, move, or do anything except for write a song. ( I write songs and poems, all of them depressing. It’s a coping mechanism) I then realized I needed to do something, so wrote him a note and slipped it to him in art. It said to check his WhatsApp. He didint read it. Same thing the next day. The third day, I finally
wrote a page long apology that basically said I’m sorry and that there was a better way to go about that. He gave me a page long note saying that I was the only person that actually made him feel like he mattered and he was mad and so he was mean to all of his friends and he lost them. It also said that he hated me but also still liked me, and that it wouldn’t matter because he was eventually going to be consumed by his demons. He handed this note to me and said never to talk to him again. It didint really hit me until the end of the day, and when it did I had my worst anxiety attack up to date. I couldn’t even write. So, I tried to forget it and 3 months passed. Then it all came back, and I realized that I couldn’t just push it down and bottle it up. So, I wrote a 4 page long explanation and sent it to him. He emailed back that we needed to talk, and so we did. After a fair bit of explaining on both of our sides, we forgave each other. Now we are talking again and I told him I still like him. The odd thing is that when I told him that, I didint feel anything anymore. No sadness, love, hate, just nothing. And I have no idea what to do, so if any of you have anything to say, please help.

It seems you were not ready to have sex with him. But you enjoy the company and it has affected you badly. It seems that where the relationship got bad was after that. You could of just told him.