Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

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LittleThings
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:12 pm

Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby LittleThings » Mon May 28, 2018 3:47 am

Okay so recently I've been trying to get out more and make some friends. There are times when I feel incredibly lonely quite often. Now I deal with depression and social anxiety; so meeting new people scares me, or more accurately it makes me really nervous when I'm around people I don't know. So needless to say I've been making zero progress. I want to try and do this because I would finally like to have a relationship. I have never had one yet and I've realized that I need to make an effort to essentially exist, instead of being coped up and sad. But I'm not really sure how to break the cycle of solitude. I've essentially withdrawn from others due to bullying when I was younger (I'm really short) and that's really hurt my self-confidence. I suck at small talk and often find myself speechless when in a conversation with someone else. There are also times where I try to make a joke and it just does not go well, most of the time no one laughs and I get real self-conscious afterwards. Now I live on a island with a population of around 150K. I work full time and go to school at night, so my free time is extremely limited. Most people I meet are randoms at the grocery store, I don't really go anywhere else. I also have pretty bad social skills and I'm not overly clever/witty. So yeah, If anyone has some advice or helpful tips I'd like to hear them.

Hope2Help2018
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 11:25 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby Hope2Help2018 » Tue May 29, 2018 11:34 pm

Sometimes it is hard to break out of our comfort zones. It is good to see that you are working and going to school. That is a lot in itself with the homework load and interacting with co-workers. Are you a part of a local church family? I found when I was trying to meet new people and establish new relationships that church was a good place to start. Often times they have smaller groups that you can join that have similar interests. Do you have any hobbies or things that you like to do for fun? Starting out on a smaller scale worked best for me. I also found that volunteering was a great way to meet new people and help others at the same time. Take it one day at a time and know that there are a lot of people waiting to meet you and build long lasting relationships. You've got this!

LittleThings
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:12 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby LittleThings » Wed May 30, 2018 11:36 pm

I’m not involved with any churches at the moment. My family isn’t very religious, so I haven’t be exposed to church groups. As for hobbies there isn’t really anything I’m into right now. I mostly work and go to school. How accepting are church groups with people who aren’t religious? I don’t really want someone trying to shove their religion in my face.

Hope2Help2018
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 11:25 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby Hope2Help2018 » Thu May 31, 2018 2:32 pm

Most of the churches, especially the larger ones will not try to force religion on you. You can normally check out their small groups and events that they have coming up on their websites. You can also check out a few Meet Up groups online. Just make sure that you check them out thoroughly before joining. They are groups of people in your local area that like to do the same things. (i.e. hikers, book clubs, kayaking, biking, going to movies, etc.) There are all types of people in these groups and they just get together and do things together as a group.

Even though you work full time and go to school, you need to have that time for some fun and meet others like you are trying to do. Also, look into the volunteering. A Children's Hospital, Retirement Center, etc. You can help them with crafts, activities, reading, etc. I have found that when I am helping others, it in turn helps me too.

I am happy to see that you are reaching out. Take it one step at a time. Pick a subject that you have an interest in or would like to learn. Then look into what is available within your area that will help get you started.

What are some of the things that you enjoy doing? Or what is something that you have always wanted to do?

CassieShannon2
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:09 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby CassieShannon2 » Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:22 pm

I feel like this is becoming an epidemic in our on line social society. We are more connected than ever but we are missing out on real life relationships. You're not alone in feeling this way and many of us have something that makes us feel sub par. I found that if you have an activity or hobby you like you can generally google area clubs with people who have similar likes. I personally am a Christian and moving to a new city made finding friends awkward but I knew if I didn't put myself out there I would be home alone when my obligations were met. I joined several bible studies and I go to single young adult outings planned by the church. I'm starting to make friends but its still really difficult. I believe if I continue to be friendly I will eventually find new friends in my new city. Hope you find friends soon too!

LittleThings
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:12 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby LittleThings » Sun Jun 03, 2018 7:31 pm

I've honestly been sitting in a room during my free time for the past few years. I find that to be the most relaxing part of my day. For every 1 hour I spend outside I spend 3 indoors. Video games are the only thing I'm really into, and that's not good for social interaction. I've never wanted to be involved with others when I was younger, so I only gained interest in doing things alone. Now that I'm in my mid-twenties I've realized that I haven't had the same social interaction as others my age, and it shows. Getting involved with a small group/organization should help me build up my social skills, but not something that happens often. I feel stressed and jittery when I have to interact with others so I definitely need that time alone to recoup. But thank you all for the suggestions, they've given me some ideas about where to start.

Hope2Help2018
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 11:25 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby Hope2Help2018 » Tue Jun 05, 2018 3:03 pm

I'm happy to see that you are going to start. What kind of work do you do? Think of volunteering somewhere more as a job and let it work into building relationships and friends. Sometimes it is easier to think of it as something else - like helping others, working on a project, because it takes the title and the anxiety away from it. Look up Feed My Starving Children. They have various volunteer sites at local churches, companies, etc. and it is for 2-3 hours at a time and it helps a good cause. Good Luck on your new journey!! You will find the right thing that works best for you. And taking the first step - is the first step!!

CassieShannon2
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:09 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby CassieShannon2 » Fri Jun 08, 2018 11:30 am

LittleThings wrote:I’m not involved with any churches at the moment. My family isn’t very religious, so I haven’t be exposed to church groups. As for hobbies there isn’t really anything I’m into right now. I mostly work and go to school. How accepting are church groups with people who aren’t religious? I don’t really want someone trying to shove their religion in my face.


Most church groups are very accepting of people who aren't religious. Many people who attend church groups are new to religion and are looking for connection. Use google and search for churches in your area that have meetings for people in your age range. I know it's frustrating having to look for friends but it will be worth the effort. My effort is beginning to pay off as I have been meeting some new people recently. Let me know how things go.

LittleThings
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:12 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby LittleThings » Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:53 pm

Hope2Help2018 wrote:I'm happy to see that you are going to start. What kind of work do you do? Think of volunteering somewhere more as a job and let it work into building relationships and friends.


I work for my local government at a wastewater treatment facility. It's not a well received job by others, but it gave me the medical I desperately needed. I recently volunteered at the salvation army cutting grass at a property they owned, it was...interesting. There were maybe 14 of us, but it felt like I was the odd one out. Everyone else seemed to know each other. I tried to not let it get to me and just do my thing, but I felt really awkward being there. The only person who spoke with me was the coordinator when I arrived and when I left. No one even bothered to get me for lunch, so I didn't eat. I probably won't be helping them again.

Hope2Help2018
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 11:25 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby Hope2Help2018 » Wed Jun 13, 2018 1:19 pm

I used to know someone locally that worked at a waster water treatment plant. I am very familiar with the job. I hear they have good retirement benefits as you continue to work there. It really is a good job.

I'm sorry things did not work the way that you would have hoped with the Salvation Army. Don't give up. Keep trying! I know it is hard when you try something new to meet new people and blend in. I am not very outgoing myself. I will try something new, stay to myself and then leave. Then I would decide if I liked it enough to go back a second time. Then I needed to decide that I needed to make the first move. I would introduce myself and ask if I could join them. I am one that needs to listen and observe before joining in. That is OK, as long as I do not use it for an excuse to not mix & mingle.

Keep trying. I am excited that you took this first step in volunteering!!! Great Job!! I work in a lawn maintenance business and I know sometimes the people working in this industry are not always the friendliest. Don't stop trying. It takes 2-3 times for people to warm up. Also, look at volunteering at a nursing home, children's hospital, soup kitchen, local church, etc. These are areas where people will be more apt to be engaging. I know you probably think that these places are not much for relationships, but they really are. It is open communications and there are a lot of people who have no one to visit them.

If you are interested. I have a few articles that I can send you to read. Hang in there. :D

LittleThings
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:12 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby LittleThings » Sun Jun 24, 2018 1:32 am

Hope2Help2018 wrote:If you are interested. I have a few articles that I can send you to read. Hang in there. :D


I would be interested in those articles, every little bit helps.

CamGirl
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby CamGirl » Mon Jun 25, 2018 12:44 am

Hi, I do hope you have your friends now. Just get to know them better before you fully trust because not all who smile at you can be your true friends.

Callie39
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2018 12:21 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby Callie39 » Tue Jun 26, 2018 6:02 pm

I wish I had your answers to your question. I just want you to know you are not alone. I too am trying to be more social, I find the library to be helpful.

Johannes
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2018 4:51 am

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby Johannes » Wed Jun 27, 2018 10:01 am

Like one of the previous posts mentioned, we are more connected than ever, but at the same time there is a huge real life disconnect.
I think there are 2 major aspects that involve creating new friends. These 2 aspects also involve finding a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Those 2 aspects are Self-Development and Opportunity. You have to work on both. One mentioned the church, very good, it's a great opportunity to meet new people. The library is a perfect place to work on your knowledge.

You have to create opportunities for yourself in life to meet new people. Dance class, studies, group travelling, cooking lessons, sports etc are great opportunities to meet new people. However aside creating these opportunities, you need to keep working on yourself. Become a more interesting person. Learn more about yourself. Be curious and improve your social skills. Learn from others. Create positive habits that enhance your life and yourself as a human being.

You don't want to stagnate when you are not mingling with other people. Get good at something. People will become inspired and will feel a radiant, confident and positive energy from you.

LittleThings
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:12 pm

Re: Looking for advice on meeting new people and making friends.

Postby LittleThings » Mon Jul 02, 2018 2:02 am

CamGirl wrote:Hi, I do hope you have your friends now. Just get to know them better before you fully trust because not all who smile at you can be your true friends.

Not yet, still working on trying to make friends. But trust isn't something I'm easily able to give thanks to my past experiences.

I wish I had your answers to your question. I just want you to know you are not alone. I too am trying to be more social, I find the library to be helpful.

Just knowing there are others in the same situation helps me feel a little better. Most of the time it feels like I'm all alone.

Those 2 aspects are Self-Development and Opportunity. You have to work on both. One mentioned the church, very good, it's a great opportunity to meet new people. The library is a perfect place to work on your knowledge.

I think self-worth is another big aspect, I realize that I don't value myself at all. I'm my biggest critic and I will destroy my value as a person really quick. I have no confidence and feel like I've never really accomplished anything in my life so far. I've tried to find some good in me, but I always find a way to be negative about my existence.


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