when will it end?
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when will it end?
Today started out pretty good, yes he was the first thing i thought of the first few times i opened my eyes..but i tried to shun him from my thoughts. I ended up giving myself a pep talk in the mirror...it helped a little. I took my med.s and started going thru the motions of my day...as the day wore on i just couldn't shake that terrible empty feeling, almost as if i have nothing inside me. My heart hurts sooooooooo bad... and i have had trouble breathing all day, so i took a second dose of my med.s ...hoping this would help, all it did was scare me, i got light headed and dizzy, started feeling sick..god, when will this end...i am trying so hard, i know it's still fresh i just think , maybe it will get better day by day but it's not....I have no one to really talk to about this, my friends are about talked out where he is concerned....i just want the pain to go away. I feel as if it's playing hide and seek with me, i start to feel better, then it jumps back out at me, my heart starts racing , my body starts to sweat, i get an incredible headache, then i can't breathe!! i feel so empty
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
Like any loss, you will go through the stages of grieving...the sooner you can focus on anger, I think, the better. Try to remind yourself of all the bad parts when you find yourself feeling love for him or remembering good things or feeling empty...cry when you need to...and remember you can keep talking here as much as often as you need! I am looking forward to you posting about the 'manipulative man' conclusions you drew from the book...might help me too!
Seriously, know it doesn't help much now but does get better with time; I do well for a while then backslide, plus my life is soooo empty overall, and the loss followed a series of painful events, it became all consuming...don't let it do that to you! Keep occupied as much as possible. So what if your poetry and art is dark right now? If its a relief, a catharsis and helps you get out what you are feeling, go for it! Spend time with friends around an activity like going to the movies where you won't be thinking so much of him or bowling or something where you are occupied and talking is not the mainstay of the interaction. I was fortunate at first after my break-up a friend spent a lot of time with me, the downside was he wanted a romance and I couldn't handle it, so now he's no longer in my life
. But maybe you should get back out there if you can...meet other men....join a dating site...have a friend set you up...as soon as you can manage it. Spend time with your kids and do special things with your kids, arts and crafts projects? go to a museum? story time at the library? I dunno, whatever works for you and the age your kids are.
Vent here, yell and scream and cry in your pillow, I know it doesn't help now, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER WITH TIME...just comfort yourself as best as you can when you are hurting and thinking of him, especially as it may make you weak and want to contact him.
I know that empty feeling. I know what it is to love someone even though they are a jerk and treated you lousy. I know what it is to hurt because someone you love loves someone else and is with someone else. We deserve better. As you posted on another thread, love is a gift and next time we give it, we must make sure it is to someone worthy, someone who will return it in kind.
Sending you big hugs ((((((((((((((mamasam))))))))))) and wishing you comfort and the start of healing....love on yourself a little, do nice things for yourself!
Seriously, know it doesn't help much now but does get better with time; I do well for a while then backslide, plus my life is soooo empty overall, and the loss followed a series of painful events, it became all consuming...don't let it do that to you! Keep occupied as much as possible. So what if your poetry and art is dark right now? If its a relief, a catharsis and helps you get out what you are feeling, go for it! Spend time with friends around an activity like going to the movies where you won't be thinking so much of him or bowling or something where you are occupied and talking is not the mainstay of the interaction. I was fortunate at first after my break-up a friend spent a lot of time with me, the downside was he wanted a romance and I couldn't handle it, so now he's no longer in my life
. But maybe you should get back out there if you can...meet other men....join a dating site...have a friend set you up...as soon as you can manage it. Spend time with your kids and do special things with your kids, arts and crafts projects? go to a museum? story time at the library? I dunno, whatever works for you and the age your kids are.
Vent here, yell and scream and cry in your pillow, I know it doesn't help now, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER WITH TIME...just comfort yourself as best as you can when you are hurting and thinking of him, especially as it may make you weak and want to contact him.
I know that empty feeling. I know what it is to love someone even though they are a jerk and treated you lousy. I know what it is to hurt because someone you love loves someone else and is with someone else. We deserve better. As you posted on another thread, love is a gift and next time we give it, we must make sure it is to someone worthy, someone who will return it in kind.
Sending you big hugs ((((((((((((((mamasam))))))))))) and wishing you comfort and the start of healing....love on yourself a little, do nice things for yourself!
Thank you so very much (((((((((((shattered))))))))))). I am still having trouble breathing.... I calm myself down and start to relax , then something else happens or something reminds me of him or i see visions of them in my head.... If i make it thru this i will never lay eyes on him again!!! I am trying to tunnel my energy to anger but it's like all of the powers that be are making it almost impossible. I hate music, i hate the outdoors, i hate movies, i hate everything i used to love because we shared the love of all of those things together!!!! I just don't know ...i'm about to try to post some stuff from that book, maybe that will help. Thank you for trying ...you are a special person, don't let other people , especially your ex make u feel any less.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Continue giving yourself those pep talks....
That's what I did.... & make sure you take of yourself as best as you can!!
Bathe, eat, even if you must force.... even if it is just a little....
Go outside.... If you have a field/park nearby & it's not too cold & theyaren't too many people about/whatever, run in that field or just enjoy yourself somehow with what you like to do.....
Can you spend time (more?) with your kids? Do you all do stuff together? Sports? Rollerskating? Dancing? Something? Maybe that will help! Maybe some volleyball would do you some good? (I don't know.... I'm just throwing stuff out there for you to think about now....)
Don't you dare give up! Step back if you must, but keep trying! You are the only one who can do it (& I know you can)!
So there!!!!
Ya? Ya!
That's what I did.... & make sure you take of yourself as best as you can!!
Bathe, eat, even if you must force.... even if it is just a little....
Go outside.... If you have a field/park nearby & it's not too cold & theyaren't too many people about/whatever, run in that field or just enjoy yourself somehow with what you like to do.....
Can you spend time (more?) with your kids? Do you all do stuff together? Sports? Rollerskating? Dancing? Something? Maybe that will help! Maybe some volleyball would do you some good? (I don't know.... I'm just throwing stuff out there for you to think about now....)
Don't you dare give up! Step back if you must, but keep trying! You are the only one who can do it (& I know you can)!
So there!!!!
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