Fear for girlfriend's safety

[BT]

I don't know too much about it myself. It's just that I have an intense fear of something bad happening to her, especially rape. She's not particularly vulnerable, but every girl is to some extent. Everytime I think about it, I get images of bad things happening to her. I hate it. She's such a good person, and I dont want anything to bad happen to her. I would gladly give my life if it would assure her general safety. It depresses me when I think of what people have done to others. I really hate this world for it. I'm having trouble thinking about other things and I've talked to my girlfriend. I think she thinks that its just a general worry. But it feels like much more. I wish it would stop. Wish there was a way that I could be sure that she was safe and that I could look out of the window and always see someone helping another person out...

[xn728]

ok that very gallent of you being so concerned about your girl like this
you say you have talked to her ,did you have a plan ,like dont go here and dont get in non taxis and stuff like that ,does she have any defences
if not buy something ,has someone made advances to her or uttered
suggestions ,or are you being over run by these thoughts and your perhaps worry you may be overreacting ,i think you love her very much
so this is a little hard to be sure what your getting at ,but if its her you want to be sure is safe ,sort out a plan and some anti rape devise ,if your mind is running away with these thought ,see your gp ,
and be there for her ,you cant keep everyone in the world safe ,we all wish for that ,but we can help a little here ,,,,,,xn728

[shatteredhopes]

Maybe you could pay for her to take some self-defense classes? I took some and they are very empowering, and it might ease your fears a bit. It also sounds like you just fear losing her somehow, because you love her so much. Please just be careful that you don't let that fear make you smother her or become possessive, which could hurt the relationship.

It is sweet in a way you are so concerned, but if it has become obsessive, take some pro-active action...maybe go to a couples counseling session, or find out about programs to help you prevent becoming a crime victim and go together...

Wishing you light and peace in your day...

[BT]

she's taken feminine defense lessons already. I think it may just be me. I tried to get her pepper spray but apparently it's illegal here in Canada. Anyways, she says that she would probably spray herself with it by mistake (she's a little clumsy). She certainly isn't the confrontational type and she has no specific risk, other than being attractive and a little short (which may get her classified as weak by some creep). The thing is, I don't know how to stop myself worrying about it. The crime statistics dont help (1 in 4 women will be raped in their lifetime) and even if she's just waiting at the bus stop with lots of people, I still get worried. Her mother picks her up from the bus stop when its dark, thank god. I can't think of any other way of keeping her safe, other than following her everywhere, which is, of course, very excessive. If anything happens to her, I don't know what I would do. I can hardly concentrate on anything else. Especially at night for some reason.

[shatteredhopes]

First, consider in those stats, many females are sexually abused as children, when they can be manipulated, often by someone they know, into not reporting the crime so men get away it. If she is of an age where she is no longer at such risk from a pedophile, she is safer. Date rape is another risk, but as long as she is with you, you don't have to worry...if she doesn't drink and drug and takes reasonable precautions, her chances are also better. I don't know about Canada, but in the U.S., a lot of the violence, not all, but alot takes place in certain drug riddled, gang infested, and impoverished neighborhoods. If she lives in a safe neighborhood, her chances are better of not being at such risk. Regardless, good locks on the doors and windows, getting to know the neighbors she can trust to look out for her, not opening the door to strangers, being aware of her surroundings, etc., other reasonable precautions she likely learned in her self defense program or could learn through a crime prevention program.

Keep in mind something else behind worldwide rape statistics. Aside from the high incidence of child sexual abuse, many live in war ravaged impoverished countries. In the Congo, rape is routinely used as a weapon of war and women turned into sex slaves. In Darfur, female refugees from the genocide almost certainly face rape every time they go in search of clean water. But, if the men go and are caught, they will be killed. So families would make the unbearable choice that rape is preferable to death. In some places, the statistics would be reversed in almost certainty of being raped. In Canada, your girlfriend is not immune, but is far, far less likely to become one of the sad statistics.

Rape is not simply sexual, is about violence, power, abuse, control...

Maybe you should google rape and learn about rape and sex crimes around the world. Knowledge is power, and knowing what is behind the statistics may make you feel safer. Maybe you and your girlfriend together could do something, such as raise funds for a crisis center to help women war refugees who have been the victims of sexual assault heal, or a project to raise awareness, or to help a local rape crisis center. It could be empowering and a way to channel your obsession and anxiety into a powerful positive action tool to help many others. Taking concrete action to help victims and prevent more may make you feel more in control.

There are no guarantees, but if you take concrete action, it maybe will ease your fears and at least it will empower you to help others.

[BT]

Well, it's been a while and my feelings haven't let up. It's driving me crazy. Now I have this fear of being tied up and forced to watch someone do things to her. I have images in my head. This happened after I did alot of research (and I mean alot, maybe 100 articles) on rape. I also have the fear that, in the future, if we're married, someone might break in, since robberies are fairly common everywhere I guess, and take the opportunity if she is at home alone while I'm at work or something. I know there probably isn't much that can be done for these, but I'll just put it out there for now...

[shatteredhopes]

If finding out logically through investigation that your fear was out of proportion with the realistic risk and didn't easy your worry, maybe its time to see a mental health professional? They have modification techniques to help with obsessive thoughts they can teach you, and medicines for OCD might be useful...a doctor would know what might help. There is hope to tame these obsessive thoughts and put them in check with reality...

Hoping you find relief...