confused about my feelings
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mysterygal67
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:51 pm
confused about my feelings
I wish I could understand things better. One minute i feel fine, the next minute i don't want to get out of bed, next minute stressing out over simple things. Confused about my feelings
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Hi there mysterygal! Welcome to the forum. 
I feel like how you've described almost every day. It is my "norm". I just sort of roll with it because I've accepted it is me.
Are you on any medications for the feelings? Have you sought professional help? If not, I would encourage you to start there if you can.
For example, you don't want that it's that you're lacking some nutrient some place that could help your situation.
A way I've been dealing with the all-over-the-place feelings is that I try to replace or "counter"/"counteract" my reaction to the feeling with a positive healthy behavior.
Lots of times when I didn't want to get out of bed, I just got out of bed any way, even if all I did was sit up & sit around. For stressing about simple stuff, I had to practice telling myself to calm down & that what I was doing to myself wasn't helping me, but was destructive (in my case).
Then, I get a dialogue going in my head about it. "Do you want to destroy yourself all the time like this & be unhappy?"
"No? No. Alright, then you have to find a way to work on it, so you're not pulling your hair out all the time. You can do it & something will work!"
That's what I tell myself to help with those times.
The other thing I did when I started was looking to see how well I was taking care of myself. It's something along the lines of:
Am I drinking too much stuff with caffeine?
Am I eating on time? Am I eating at all? Too much junk food?
Vitamins? Am I staying up late watching TV or being on the computer?
Etc.
I hope this helps a little bit.... Take care!
I feel like how you've described almost every day. It is my "norm". I just sort of roll with it because I've accepted it is me.
Are you on any medications for the feelings? Have you sought professional help? If not, I would encourage you to start there if you can.
For example, you don't want that it's that you're lacking some nutrient some place that could help your situation.
A way I've been dealing with the all-over-the-place feelings is that I try to replace or "counter"/"counteract" my reaction to the feeling with a positive healthy behavior.
Lots of times when I didn't want to get out of bed, I just got out of bed any way, even if all I did was sit up & sit around. For stressing about simple stuff, I had to practice telling myself to calm down & that what I was doing to myself wasn't helping me, but was destructive (in my case).
Then, I get a dialogue going in my head about it. "Do you want to destroy yourself all the time like this & be unhappy?"
"No? No. Alright, then you have to find a way to work on it, so you're not pulling your hair out all the time. You can do it & something will work!"
That's what I tell myself to help with those times.
The other thing I did when I started was looking to see how well I was taking care of myself. It's something along the lines of:
Am I drinking too much stuff with caffeine?
Am I eating on time? Am I eating at all? Too much junk food?
Vitamins? Am I staying up late watching TV or being on the computer?
Etc.
I hope this helps a little bit.... Take care!
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mysterygal67
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:51 pm
Thanks for the advice crystalgaze. I was on medication. But I lost my job and no longer am covered on insurance. I missed too much work because of my depression. I have applied for numerous jobs and no calls. Someone told me to try for disability if I can't find a job.
Most of the time I feel unsociable, useless and a worthless mother. I have 4 children, three live with their father because I can't stand having them around. I know it sounds awful, but the stress is too much on me and I am afraid of lashing out at them. I get them every weekend though. I feel like I let them down. The oldest lives on his own he is 20.
I don't know what to do. I can't afford to go to the doctor and surely can't afford the medication without insurance.
I hope everybody is having a better day than me.
Most of the time I feel unsociable, useless and a worthless mother. I have 4 children, three live with their father because I can't stand having them around. I know it sounds awful, but the stress is too much on me and I am afraid of lashing out at them. I get them every weekend though. I feel like I let them down. The oldest lives on his own he is 20.
I don't know what to do. I can't afford to go to the doctor and surely can't afford the medication without insurance.
I hope everybody is having a better day than me.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Hi there again mysterygal.... I know what you're saying about medication & insurance. I know.... I'm in the same both with you. I have not gone to a doctor in a while for this thing....
There's no problem with saying how you feel. If you feel overwhelmed, you are overwhelmed....
Now.... you're NOT useless & you're NOT worthless. I am sure you are doing your best under the circumstances & you must pat yourself on the back for that....
All you can do is try.... & do your best... Alright... ((((mysterygal)))))
By the way, that's a hug! I'm sorry I can't do more to help! I hope your days improve. I believe they will....
There's no problem with saying how you feel. If you feel overwhelmed, you are overwhelmed....
Now.... you're NOT useless & you're NOT worthless. I am sure you are doing your best under the circumstances & you must pat yourself on the back for that....
All you can do is try.... & do your best... Alright... ((((mysterygal)))))
By the way, that's a hug! I'm sorry I can't do more to help! I hope your days improve. I believe they will....
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Mysterygal - please don't be so hard on yourself. Depression is a terrible disease and it is very hard to cope with children when you are suffering. You are NOT a worthless person. You are suffering right now and doing what you have to do to survive. I hope you are doing better and that you post soon with an update.
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mysterygal67
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:51 pm
I'm hanging in there. Been doing so so. I have no insurance, so I can't even go to the doctor or a therapist. My birthday is monday and I don't even want to celebrate it. I am trying to find a job, not having any luck. I honestly don't know whether I could handle the stress of a job right now. I am collecting unemployment since I was fired from my last job. I am trying to keep my chin up, it is hard at times. Today, I just want to curl up and cry. I can't though, I have my 5 year old for the weekend. Well I hope everybody enjoys their weekend.
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
Hello
I don't know where you live, but in the U.S. in some places there are community services and free clinics and low cost providers you might be able to find to see someone initially. Maybe you could qualify for a fee reduction or government program you might not even know exists...such as medicare coverage under unemployment insurance under recent legislation...If you live in the U.S., you might try the American Red Cross nearest you as they are there for all types of crises and usually know what types of community services there are. Social Services would be another option.
I know all that seems hugely overwhelming, but for instance, sometimes doctors can give samples of medications so you don't have to pay, and free clinics and government subsidized clinics often offer free or low-cost services. Outside the U.S., I don't know...but google or yahoo your area along with free or low-cost medical services...maybe worth a shot!
I understand what its like to feel overwhelmed and be okay one minute and down the next...you are not alone and you have friends here! Also, I have something akin to the onset of an anxiety attack when my blood sugar is low. What I may think needs anxiety medication is actually cured by eating some protein. So the previous posters are right, sometimes there's a simple cure that a physician might spot.
Wishing you peace and strength to get through the day.
I know all that seems hugely overwhelming, but for instance, sometimes doctors can give samples of medications so you don't have to pay, and free clinics and government subsidized clinics often offer free or low-cost services. Outside the U.S., I don't know...but google or yahoo your area along with free or low-cost medical services...maybe worth a shot!
I understand what its like to feel overwhelmed and be okay one minute and down the next...you are not alone and you have friends here! Also, I have something akin to the onset of an anxiety attack when my blood sugar is low. What I may think needs anxiety medication is actually cured by eating some protein. So the previous posters are right, sometimes there's a simple cure that a physician might spot.
Wishing you peace and strength to get through the day.
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blueisgreen
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 7:36 pm
- Location: USA
I'm sorry and I can certainly relate to how you are feeling.
Your child is 5? This weekend is Halloween in the States.
Maybe you can just get some of those slice and bake Pillsbury halloween cookies and make them with your child? Then snuggle up and watch
Ice Age or Shrek until your kid falls asleep?
Don't be so hard on yourself. Dealing with children is so, so difficult when
you are in a depressed state. If your child is 5 though, it's fairly simple to
get them occupied and still feel like a good parent, while taking care of
yourself as best you can. Hang in there. Good luck, best wishes.
Your child is 5? This weekend is Halloween in the States.
Maybe you can just get some of those slice and bake Pillsbury halloween cookies and make them with your child? Then snuggle up and watch
Ice Age or Shrek until your kid falls asleep?
Don't be so hard on yourself. Dealing with children is so, so difficult when
you are in a depressed state. If your child is 5 though, it's fairly simple to
get them occupied and still feel like a good parent, while taking care of
yourself as best you can. Hang in there. Good luck, best wishes.
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blueisgreen
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 7:36 pm
- Location: USA
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mysterygal67
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:51 pm
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
I empathize...
My boyfriend just dumped me...it is soooo hard to deal with depression and sad or bad events all at once. My boyfriend was slightly unfaithful to me, carrying on online, and I tolerated it, now I'm in so much pain from the break-up and angry with myself for not getting out earlier before I got in so deep.
Maybe you could journal or write out your feelings before you confront your boyfriend? Do you have a place to go if you have to move out? Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. THE UNFAITHFUL ONES ARE AT FAULT for not working on the relationship but instead turning outside, and being dishonest. I think honesty is key to a successful relationship from what I have seen.
Horrible as it is, at least you know now, what to do from here only you can answer. Thinking of you, I care, and I hope your day goes okay.
Maybe you could journal or write out your feelings before you confront your boyfriend? Do you have a place to go if you have to move out? Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. THE UNFAITHFUL ONES ARE AT FAULT for not working on the relationship but instead turning outside, and being dishonest. I think honesty is key to a successful relationship from what I have seen.
Horrible as it is, at least you know now, what to do from here only you can answer. Thinking of you, I care, and I hope your day goes okay.
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