Just when I start feeling better...

[JamieW]

Since last week I have been severly down, to the point where I was ready to go check in to Madison Center (it's a local mental center). By Friday I was on the phone with my minister friend for crisis counseling. He wanted to drive the three hours up here, but I wouldn't let him because I knew his wife had a family wedding to go to. There was nothing that really set it off, I was stressed with the kids, but I think it was more my state of mind making me stressed with the kids then the kids themselves. If that makes sense.

Part of the issue was my stupidity, while going through stuff from my teen years and scanning pics, I thought I should go through my old journals. That brought on a lot of bad memories of things I try not to think about. I know I have a good life now and as much as reading those journals caused me to relive a tremendous amount of pain, it also helped me to remember how lucky I am to be at the point I am now. I guess that's why I keep them and don't get rid of them.

I tried talking to my husband, but he is a very sarcastic person and when he is unsure what to say, he says something trying to be funny but it usually isn't. But Monday we had a nice talk. Tuesday he came home from work and suprised me with my favorite Truffles. That helped a lot.

By last night I was starting to feel a little better. Today I actually left the house and did errands vacuumed the pool, the kids and I folded a TON of laundry, and I cleaned the kitchen while the kids cleaned their bedrooms. Since Friday I really had not done anything in the house, nor have I argues with the kids about their chores.

Tommorrow my minister friend and his family are coming up to go swimming. So needless to say there was a ton to be done. I made dinner and had to leave for a football meeting for Noah. Jeremy was going to take the kids to the movies. But while I was cooking dinner, the kids were supposed to do some more chores. Not a single child did anything. So my husband and I said no movie. I left while everyone was eating. I get home, my husband and the oldest are sitting down watching Smallville. The other kids are watching tv in their room. Dishes and leftovers from dinner were still out.

I didn't say anything. I sat down posted a quick update on facebook while I did my homework, and then started cleaning my desk. My husbad wanted to watch a movie I rented so I put it in. Then he starts screaming and yelling at me and at the kids about the house being trashed and he is the only one that does anything in the house and if anything gets done it's because he has to clean it.

The downstairs family room is his domain that is the only room he uses when he comes home and he leaves his dishes, his trash everywhere. HIS ferret's cage, that I told him when he wanted it that I would not clean out it's cage, is down there long with several litter boxes in HIS bathroom that no one else uses.
He starts screaming because there is litter on the floor and cat poop that has been there for four days. 1st of all, if he saw it he should have cleaned it up. 2nd the oldest did litter boxes and I sent him back in there three times to finish and I watched him sweep the bathroom. He starts screaming at the kids that the cats go outside tommorrow or he will shoot them. Starts screaming about how we live in filth and no one does anything. And how he has to clean the whole house by himself. I am sorry the only room he cleaned was half the downstairs while the kids helped. I was cleaning off my desk and computer area putting away the pictures and stuff I had out. Then I went upstairs to clean the kitchen up from dinner. While the kids were waiting for him to get out of the bathroom so they could clean it he started screaming at them all until they all came upstairs crying and went to bed. Then he came up and went to bed.

You girls know, I am the first to admit i am horrible about housework. And no one cleans up after themselves including my husband. Yes he works, but then he spends another 2-3 hours after work doing work for his dad, sometimes he gets paid and sometimes he doesn't. I don't care about the money but it is every night and every weekend, and when he gets home the only thing he does is sit down and watch his tv show dvds until he passes out on the couch, or goes upstairs and waits for me to get the kids in bed because he wants something.

So I have everything done, but some minor picking up which my back is telling me I have to wait until tommorrow and the vacuuming which will wait too since the kids are sleeping. It literally took me an hour by myself to get the rest done, so there wasn't a lot left.

I need him to start helping out, yes I feel guilty because he does work so much, but he needs to put us before his dad and not be over there every single night. And the way he acted tonight is totally unacceptable. But it doesn't matter what I say. Am I right, am I totally out of line for asking for some help because I am a stay at home mom?

[crystalgaze]

I felt compelled to answer this, even thought it is way after the fact.

First off, how are you doing? Has the situation improved?

I don't think you are wrong. If it hasn't been done already, maybe there is something that is on his chest that he needs to talk about & soon. He sounds frustrated, but the question is why & about what?

I am not so great with housework myself. The only reason I'm not in too much of a bind is that I only have to take care of me for the moment. I could do more, but for the time being, it's me (meaning there are no kids or husband/boyfriend in the mix). My dad might need help, but I am working on being more useful to myself.

Do take care. ~Crystal

[aim]

Jamie... have you thought about marriage counseling? It seems that you and your husband have a great deal of love for each other, but could possibly use a third party to put some perspective on the marriage, and to get both of you to talk about the things that truly bother you in the marriage.

Just a suggestion... please keep us posted.