Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Lobule1234 » Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:24 pm

I have suffered with depression for about 10 years. I’m 24 years old and I’m so drained of feeling like this every single day.
I’m in a relationship but find it so hard to sustain because my partner doesn’t know how to deal with my depression and anxiety. He’s a pharmacist and knows all the signs and knows all about it but struggles to deal with it when I have bad episodes. I’ve been suicidal quite often and a few times I was found on the edge of a bridge on the motorway just feeling so empty and alone. I feel as though the Floor has been lifted from beneath my feet and I’m just floating. I don’t enjoy doing anything I don’t have any friends. I had one friend who’s now got a baby and doesn’t have time to speak to me or see me. Now we don’t talk. I see my partner every night and I’ve started to be fake happy, bottling up my emotions for an hour has made me become so quiet. I don’t speak. I work in a pharmacy and I stand at the back and do my work and don’t speak a word to anyone because I don’t know how to communicate anymore. I don’t have a good relationship with my family because all my siblings have moved out. My parents have divorced 5 years ago and I live in my dads house with his mum. My dads always away with his new girlfriend who’s from Canada. I barely speak to him, My mum lives with her new boyfriend and doesn’t bother speaking to me or seeing me, she’s ok with the rest of the siblings but me. It’s been 5 weeks today since my mum has spoken to me. I hate working I cry myself to sleep every night I’m just so drained. My relationship nearly ended last night because he said he didn’t want to be with me because he doesn’t trust me and can’t deal with my mental health. I’ve been to the doctors and trying to get help but it’s just not working. I did careless things in my relationship which made my partner lose trust in me. Such as having pictures of my ex in my room not knowing they were there and other things. I’ve never cheated on him and never would I love him so much and I want to get married to him but I feel like he doesn’t see anything longterm because there’s no trust.

I self harm a lot. Drink ridiculous amount of alcohol from time to time. I’m drained out now I just want to kill myself and get it over and done with. He hates me what am I even doing in my life why am I here why did god put me on this Earth I feel like shit every day why do I have to suffer. I’m holding onto my partner because I love him and want to be with him but I know he doesn’t want me or else he wouldn’t have ask to break up. My gran use to tell me to go die and I would be better off, my family hate me so much I’m so alone in this world

Tired toad
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Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Tired toad » Mon Jun 03, 2019 8:44 am

I know you’ve probably heard this before, but don’t kill yourself. No matter how hard, tiring, or full of bullshit life is, you have to try to hold out hope that one day things might get better, and you will find someone that not only understands what depression is, but how to help. Also, talking might help. Weather it’s a support group, your s/o, it might help to talk it out. Even though the voices in your head and everyone else says that you are better off dead, don’t listen. My friend has this philosophy and it’s that everyone was made for a reason, no matter how big or small, you matter. If you want to talk, I will be here, but it’s up to you. Stay safe.

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Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 8:58 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby jayreb » Mon Jun 03, 2019 9:04 am

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this.
I wonder the same thing as of why put me on this earth knowing that I can't handle it.
My parents are divorced as well and it's one of the worst things that's ever happened. I get threatened by my mom daily.
Yesterday, my mom told me that it would be better if I wasn't here which is probably true.
I do feel stuck and woke up this morning hating myself cuz i have feelings of suicide.
It sucks just lying here.

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Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby j2415 » Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:41 pm

Hello- I’m so sorry you are going through such a tough time. You may not see it now but God put you here on earth for a reason. You have a purpose. The Bible says, give all your concerns to God because He cares for you. I pray for God’s peace and comfort be upon you as you bring all your concerns to Him and you will not give up.

Do not harm yourself. Please know that you are not alone because we are here and we care for you. I hope you will be encouraged by others’ experience in coping with depression. I hope to hear from you again. I pray that things will get better for you. Take care and God bless.

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Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:39 pm

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby kenopam » Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:58 pm

I've fallen into a depression because of my mother in her last days of dementia made it apparent that she didn't want anything
to do with me. I caused a great deals of havoc with my toxic codependency addictions, my alcohol and drug use and my eating disorder that turned to bulimia for 30 years. I'm sober 3 months this time. I've had 20 years sober but it's been broken up! Alcohol is a big time depressant. I go to AA which lifts me for a while being around the people. I spoke yesterday to an expert on codependency and asked her what groups I should go to for that and she told me Al-Anon saved her life! Her name is Darlene Lancer and she's on youtube and facebook. Codependents grew up with no sense of self so they used people, or substances or processes to avoid the pain! Also in my family nobody talked feelings so it was very repressive.
Being alone is very bad when you're depressed. There are many support groups. Tomorrow at noon I will hit an AA meeting and I'll be going to Al-Anon since there all over. Other people have told me the same thing about Al-Anon. Family issues are emotionally vey hard. Hope you get around people! I'm the same way as I don't make a lot of friends.

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Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby graceforeverandever » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:59 pm

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. About your situation, is there something that happened to you in your childhood? Let me tell you my friend that you’re not alone, you are important, valuable and a person worth of dignity and worthy of fighting for. Have you thought of seeking counseling or therapy to help determine what is causing you to have these thoughts today? Counseling can help with this type of situation. Suffering is neither good or bad, ….
Have you thought of forgiving your mother and father? Forgiveness does not mean that they did was right. Forgiveness mean that you let the problem go. It is the first step of healing and change. Have you considered to seek social outlets such as volunteer organizations such as Habitat for Humanity or other church groups, recreational groups like bowling, sewing and knitting etc. In regards the stress have you thought to take a walk, swimming, bicycling, or hobbies that you might enjoy. I encourage you to be thankful for what you have in life and maybe it will help to make a list of all the good things you have and start saying “I am thankful for (for ex: life, family, friendships, etc.)…”. These list-ly are extremely important for you are going through: https://list.ly/list/1CE4-looking-up-fr ... n-darkness. https://list.ly/list/1SAk-when-your-ski ... -your-pain. Let me tell you my friend that you have a purpose in life, suffering is something we can’t avoid. Please let me tell you my friend that you are not alone in this battle. If you need to talk with someone, I’ll leave you this Hotline #s: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). Sending you hugs and praying for you my friend.-keep us posted, OK?

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Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:54 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Lesliehughes » Sat Jul 13, 2019 8:50 am

No matter what amount of problems you get, Suicide has been never an option. I would like you to consult with doctors and thus they will help you to come out of this depression process. Stay with your dear ones, that includes family and friends. after reading of this I suddenly got to remember about my granny who was suffering from loneliness and depression after my grandfather passed away. She is now 75 years old and has come out of this phase of depression, due to elder law nj who are experts not only in making legal decisions but also for counseling the needy. Likewise, you should also take some help from the professional experts.

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