Really struggling with my depression
Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2018 1:33 am
So, my husband told me tonight that I'm his rock and that he will never know how much I do for him and our three kids. What he doesn't seem to understand is by being that rock, I'm the foundation that holds everyone up around me. Not just him and our kids. I also have a mom who has been battling cancer (she beat it, but the chemo has taken a toll on her) and I constantly worry about her and my dad who has high blood pressure and heart issues.
Sometimes, this foundation feels pretty shaky and like it wants to crumble. The only problem with that is if I fall apart, everyone else topples down too. I get tired of being strong for everyone else. Nobody ever seen the pain, because I wait until everyone is asleep to break down and it's only when the house is quiet that I can actually think. At times I just curl up and cry. Other times, I consider hurting myself just so I can feel "real" pain instead of what I feel inside.
My family knows that I battle with depression, they know I'm on medication for it, but they don't k ow how bad it is sometimes. My husband is rarely home before my kids are in bed because he works late and has classes after work. I work full time and then have a full time job after work when I get home cooking, cleaning, and raising three beautiful, wonderful kids pretty much by myself.
I can't talk to my parents about it because I don't want to burden them with my issues. I can't talk to my in-laws, because they don't understand and think I should just "suck it up". I also don't want to burden my friends with my problems because they're either newlyweds or just now having kids and I don't want to drag them down with me. So, I came here to talk hoping maybe someone will read my thoughts and understand.
Sometimes, this foundation feels pretty shaky and like it wants to crumble. The only problem with that is if I fall apart, everyone else topples down too. I get tired of being strong for everyone else. Nobody ever seen the pain, because I wait until everyone is asleep to break down and it's only when the house is quiet that I can actually think. At times I just curl up and cry. Other times, I consider hurting myself just so I can feel "real" pain instead of what I feel inside.
My family knows that I battle with depression, they know I'm on medication for it, but they don't k ow how bad it is sometimes. My husband is rarely home before my kids are in bed because he works late and has classes after work. I work full time and then have a full time job after work when I get home cooking, cleaning, and raising three beautiful, wonderful kids pretty much by myself.
I can't talk to my parents about it because I don't want to burden them with my issues. I can't talk to my in-laws, because they don't understand and think I should just "suck it up". I also don't want to burden my friends with my problems because they're either newlyweds or just now having kids and I don't want to drag them down with me. So, I came here to talk hoping maybe someone will read my thoughts and understand.