Really struggling with my depression

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, vince13, Maelstrom, Astrid

Motherof3
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2018 9:52 pm

Really struggling with my depression

Postby Motherof3 » Mon Aug 27, 2018 1:33 am

So, my husband told me tonight that I'm his rock and that he will never know how much I do for him and our three kids. What he doesn't seem to understand is by being that rock, I'm the foundation that holds everyone up around me. Not just him and our kids. I also have a mom who has been battling cancer (she beat it, but the chemo has taken a toll on her) and I constantly worry about her and my dad who has high blood pressure and heart issues.
Sometimes, this foundation feels pretty shaky and like it wants to crumble. The only problem with that is if I fall apart, everyone else topples down too. I get tired of being strong for everyone else. Nobody ever seen the pain, because I wait until everyone is asleep to break down and it's only when the house is quiet that I can actually think. At times I just curl up and cry. Other times, I consider hurting myself just so I can feel "real" pain instead of what I feel inside.
My family knows that I battle with depression, they know I'm on medication for it, but they don't k ow how bad it is sometimes. My husband is rarely home before my kids are in bed because he works late and has classes after work. I work full time and then have a full time job after work when I get home cooking, cleaning, and raising three beautiful, wonderful kids pretty much by myself.
I can't talk to my parents about it because I don't want to burden them with my issues. I can't talk to my in-laws, because they don't understand and think I should just "suck it up". I also don't want to burden my friends with my problems because they're either newlyweds or just now having kids and I don't want to drag them down with me. So, I came here to talk hoping maybe someone will read my thoughts and understand.

Rachelm2535
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:24 pm

Re: Really struggling with my depression

Postby Rachelm2535 » Mon Aug 27, 2018 3:14 pm

@motherof3- Being the rock of a family is something I can relate to. It is amazing how many people depend on you as a mama, wife, daughter and so on. It is hard to keep in perspective that we are just human and as a human we need to have someone to lean on too. If we try to take on all of the world by ourselves it is not going to work. I learned after I got sick that I never let anyone help or know my own struggles. This is not a good idea. In order to know how to help we need to have been helped. In order to help we need to be healthy enough to help. Admitting you are having a hard time is not a bad thing or weakness....it is necessary. Because the more you push it down the more it will build and make things worse. My faith in God helps me with my worrying tendency. I had to realize I can not and do not run the world. Now I have learned to only do what I can do without getting myself sick....that ends up causing so much more trouble.

Take time to yourself, get the mental rest you need and the physical rest you need. Unload on a counselor or pastor so you can not bare all the struggles. There is not one person on this earth that can take all the problems of our families on. I am praying for you! Keep reaching out! -Rachel

Motherof3
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2018 9:52 pm

Re: Really struggling with my depression

Postby Motherof3 » Mon Aug 27, 2018 7:02 pm

@Rachelm - Thank you for the prayers. I try to give all of my worries over to God so that I don't stress so much, but or is a lot easier said than done. I pray everyday, but I usually pray for everyone else and forget about praying for myself.

Golda Dilema
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2018 12:51 am

Re: Really struggling with my depression

Postby Golda Dilema » Tue Aug 28, 2018 3:58 am

I am a person with bipolar. What you are going through is difficult. You need someone or others to help you with your burdens. I think it will still help you if you seek the wisdom of your parents specially your mother because she is a wife and a mother too and definitely she can help you because she knows you.

It will be helpful if you make yourself happy once again. What are the things or activities that make you happy? So long as they won't do you any harm it will do you good if you do them. How about if you go for a shopping, aromatherapy, massage, listen to good music, do a hobby, exercise, spend time with friends and many others.

You need to be happy. You deserve to be happy and you can be happy once again.


Return to “Expressions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 161 guests