Depression Understood Forums

I've been feeling down again and someone from another forum I frequent recommended I come here and write to help me feel better. So the next however many sentences will be what I'm thinking/feeling unedited as much as possible.

Last night I stayed awake thinking about how much of loser I am. I thought about all the mistakes I've made and how they caused nothing but pain. About the friends I don't have, the romantic relationships that never existed, the warmth of being embraced that I don't have while lying in a cold bed. I felt like trash, like I'm only waking up just to live a monotonous life. I don't want to end my life I just want to disappear from it. I got up today wondering if I'm actual alive, I certainly don't feel like it. I don't believe I'll ever take my life though, I know my family cares about me and suicide would devastate them. It's not the final solution, and I keep telling myself that. But I'm not sure where to go, I'm lost on a road with no map and so far everywhere I've gone hasn't helped me become who I want to be. I'm living with my parent's because I can't afford to be on my own (which is probably a good thing). Life feels like a roller coaster; there are days when I'm up and happy, then there a days when I'm feeling low and depressed. It feels like the lows have been happening more than I would like. I've decided not to continue with my degree because it doesn't make me happy, I believe a trade school is a better option for me. I've wanted a off road truck since I was a kid, but everybody tells me "how expensive they are", "how much fuel they use", "how high the insurance is". It's like they're telling me not to pursue my goals. I haven't found a place to belong, I feel like an outcast everywhere I go. The only time when I feel comfortable is when I'm alone in my own world. I'm not sure what I'm writing, or if it even makes any sense at all. I just want to write, to say something to maybe help me feel better. I'm tired, my head feels like it's in a vice, and I want to curl up into a ball in a corner somewhere.

Hi, now I'm not much help because I honestly feel the same as you but I can say it sounds like you might be manic depressive. It is a chemical imbalance that makes you go through lows and highs for seemingly no reason. I know you probably can't afford to go on meds or maybe just don't want to but there is another option. I haven't done it simply because I'm not 18 yet and I can't get my parents to take me to see a doctor. However, if you go to a doctor they can figure out exactly what the chemical imbalance is and they can tell you a non prescription vitamin you can take to balance it out. For my mom it was B12 and it helps her a lot. This may not help at all but I hope it helps a little. Also what I like to do is keep a notebook on me so I can write the feelings and thoughts as they come. It's sort of a release.

Hi there, well.. as i always recommend... take a time to pass all this... wait to be better to think better, good luck, try to chill.

I am so sorry that you are struggling. I can't help though that your willingness to share so openly will help others. There are lots of tools I have found to be useful, my faith, exercising, chocolate, exercise, chocolate LOL what a cycle that is, but the point is that it takes a lot of different things and every time we do have episodes they may be different- keep track and educate ourselves- stick with reliable sources like focus onfamily regardless of your faith- it has some good resources- most national recognized sites for mental health or state and gov't health sites- another thing that works is a support group through community or church organizations like AA, something that is regular and can beccome part of our own care. Many Blessings

I don't know what to say. I feel the same. But if you want to talk you can count on me.

It is normal to feel how you feel many people resort to drugs or alcohol but this only compounds the problem and makes it worse. If you are abusing and drugs or alcohol I would consider looking into some dual diagnosis rehab centers to address your issues and gain the tools to recover. Best of luck to you and remember that things get better with time and you are not alone!
http://www.monarchshores.com/treatment/dual-diagnosis-rehab

monarchshores wrote:It is normal to feel how you feel many people resort to drugs or alcohol but this only compounds the problem and makes it worse. If you are abusing and drugs or alcohol I would consider looking into some dual diagnosis rehab centers to address your issues and gain the tools to recover. Best of luck to you and remember that things get better with time and you are not alone!
http://www.monarchshores.com/treatment/dual-diagnosis-rehab

Even though I feel down I don't drink or use drugs, my body is unable to process them.

First of all, leave everything aside and see a doctor. They have the right tools and techniques to access your condition and devise a medical treatment plan accordingly. Talking is the best way to start a progress towards a healthy mind. They can ask you to go for medications or CBT or even recommend pet therapy (emotional support dogs or cars, whichever you find suitable).

BabyMoose wrote:Hi, now I'm not much help because I honestly feel the same as you but I can say it sounds like you might be manic depressive. It is a chemical imbalance that makes you go through lows and highs for seemingly no reason. I know you probably can't afford to go on meds or maybe just don't want to but there is another option mutuelles professionnelle. I haven't done it simply because I'm not 18 yet and I can't get my parents to take me to see a doctor. However, if you go to a doctor they can figure out exactly what the chemical imbalance is and they can tell you a non prescription vitamin you can take to balance it out. For my mom it was B12 and it helps her a lot. This may not help at all but I hope it helps a little. Also what I like to do is keep a notebook on me so I can write the feelings and thoughts as they come. It's sort of a release.

Not finding balance is above all to be distraught, and also to be in bad shape. You should get mental help.