Professional with depression...

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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NiceMedTexMD
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:44 am

Professional with depression...

Postby NiceMedTexMD » Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:56 am

I will tell everyone some about me. Even a "professional" like myself has a lot of problems.

I am not a Psychiatrist, I'm a Board Certified Pediatrician in Texas. I am the loneliest person that I know. I have friends, of course, but I've never had anyone close. I'm 49 years old, almost 50, and I'm in a rut so deep I don't know how to climb out of it.

I have no one special in my life right now. My self confidence is at an all-time low. I have no one to do things with. When you get to my age, you take a look at life and assess how you're doing. In a few respects, I'm doing very well. In others, I'm a total failure.

There are so many things that I expected to have done by this age. I've done only a couple out of a long list. Every day it gets worse and worse.

For reference, I am on antidepressants. I see a Psychiatrist. And I still feel this way.

I'm the one who tells people there's hope. I feel like I am losing hope every day.

Hope everyone is doing well or getting better.

Mike

ImJohn
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: Professional with depression...

Postby ImJohn » Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:45 am

Hi Mike,

I just saw your post and had to reply...
I understand where your coming from (at least I think I do). You see at one time I was a successful professional too - or at least the world saw me that way. If people had looked from the outside they'd have said, "There's one lucky guy", but inside I was lonely (despite being married), anxious and monumentally depressed. I covered my true feelings up as I'd done throughout my life and in the end I was so exhausted that I wanted out.
So, you're in a deep rut and see yourself, in some ways, as a total failure.
Here's what I think:
1. My guess is that that list of yours is too long and too demanding. If it's what you measure yourself by then, let's face it, right now it's not helping your self-esteem. I'd say junk that list and do something nice for yourself as a reward for being brave enough to get rid of it.
2. Recently I started writing down how I felt. It may help you too. What I discovered after a week or so was that I was a mess. The writing and the thought behind it was uneven and disjointed. I don't know what you may discover but it could be revealing. In my case my therapy is studying something with logical structure, yours will probably be different.
3. It may help if you try starting something you could get deeply interested in. Hopefully there'll be a 'club' near you for that activity and if you join chances are you'll meet like minded people. Perhaps you'll meet someone there and you'll both move closer. Who knowns?
4. One small step at a time. A friend of mines daughter was a chronic alcoholic and she said that the advice given to her was to take things day by day (and on really bad days hour by hour or even minute by minute).

HTH

Take care

John.

NiceMedTexMD
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:44 am

Re: Professional with depression...

Postby NiceMedTexMD » Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:25 pm

Thank You John.

My list of things I expected by my age are achievable for a majority of people. If they work hard enough, they will usually succeed. A lot of these things I haven't come close to.

I could write about how I feel, and that would do me some good i'm sure. However, no one else would read it. I don't have anyone to talk to about my list.

Almost any club or activity I like costs money. I am currently unemployed, but on a good note i'm leaving town later this week for a job interview in Virginia. NiceMedVA doesn't have a good ring to it, but employment sure does.

Two years ago I did something for myself. I thought of no one else, I only thought of me. I bought a front row ticket and VIP package to see and meet my favorite band. Even have a few items of "swag" so to speak from that concert. Including a signed guitar which I adore just looking at.

I do have a lot of good things in my life. But right now those negative things are controlling most of my life. It's difficult.

I hope speaking about it may help others. I really do.

Other boards don't want me to tell people what I do. So for now, i'll just say my screen name has a couple of hints.

Have a great week everyone!

Michael

ImJohn
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: Professional with depression...

Postby ImJohn » Tue Jul 25, 2017 6:44 am

Hi Mike,

Yeh, we're all pretty much in the same boat here. Negative feelings, self-esteem low, motivation hard to come by, general apathy and so on ...

This site proves that none of us is alone in feeling this way and the little plus is that, like you, we all try to help each other.

Can I suggest you go into the chat room sometime and ask if anyone will pm (private messaging I think it means) with you. Then you can 'talk' about your list and actually anything you like. I found it helps just knowing I can come here and talk about how horrible I feel and the other person will understand and not judge or do that really annoying thing and tell me to buck-up.

Right now I just try to get through each day. My lists last a very short time and if I achieve all on a days' list then I consider it a triumph.

I hope the interview goes well for you.

Take care

John.

jones
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:17 pm

Re: Professional with depression...

Postby jones » Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:53 pm

Mike,
I'm a doctor too, but a different kind. I'm also in this deep rut and I just keep declining no matter what I've tried. Every day I struggle to find reasons to live.


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