Not sure what to say, just really had enough.

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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Jessica ❁
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jun 18, 2017 5:24 am

Not sure what to say, just really had enough.

Postby Jessica ❁ » Sun Jun 18, 2017 5:56 am

I'm Jessica.

I've been hearing voices for the last few years. I take medication but it does nothing other than make me feel clumsy and sleep all the time.
I've been thinking of suicide a lot in the last few weeks. I've taken overdoses before but it didn't work. My mother found me on the floor after I vomited from the alcohol I drank and interrupted me in my last attempt.

I've been living with my mother for most of my life, but she's become very cold and controlling in the last few years and I don't know who she is anymore. She doesn't like me dating anyone, and always tries to have control over my personal life. Part of me can't stand her anymore, but she lost a child (my brother) so I can understand why she's like this. She's also an ex-cop.

I want to just to take a bottle of pills and hang myself every day. The voices I hear talk to me 24/7, even in my sleep sometimes now. I'm bipolar, and I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

The only reason I'm even here is because I'm in a long-distance relationship, and if I killed myself, my boyfriend would never know what happened to me, and I can't bring myself to tell him what I would be going to do.

I don't know why I'm posting this entirely, but I just feel pulled to. I'm also an aspiring police officer myself if that means anything.

I probably won't be on here all the time, so if you have discord, you can add me if you want. Sakura#8535

Happy Sunday. I hope you aren't as bad off as me.

Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 3:01 pm

Re: Not sure what to say, just really had enough.

Postby asmallkatamari » Mon Jun 19, 2017 3:05 pm

Hey. I'm sorry for what you've gone through, and for your mother. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

I can't really give much advice. I just hope you're doing alright and I'll listen if you feel like posting any more.

Best wishes : )

Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:50 pm

Re: Not sure what to say, just really had enough.

Postby Monnieloves » Tue Jun 20, 2017 2:39 pm

Hi Jessica,
I applaud you for your desire to become a police officer. Keep it in front of you until you begin moving in that direction then eventually conquering it. Having goals is worth living for. I can understand what it feels like to experience depression. What works for me is to fight those feelings with prayer and also in writing things I'm grateful for such as: my health (some woke up in hospitals), my mother (some don't have mother's still alive), i'm not homeless (some are), etc. When I look at what I'm depressed about versus what I am thankful for my depression goes away. I hope this helps you, Officer Jessica.

Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:55 pm

Re: Not sure what to say, just really had enough.

Postby jezebel » Tue Jun 20, 2017 8:24 pm

Not sure if your problem comes under depression.

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