Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.
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I am a lesbian, a truth even I don't want to admit. I took forever to come out and now it seems to roll off my tongue so easily but it burns too. Sometimes I feel like the only gay person who hates the fact that they are gay. It's hard to balance self hatred for who you have grown up to be despite best efforts from mom and dad with the life I'm supposed to live. How do you stick to your christian morals knowing that most of your religion condemns you? Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong body but what could I ever do about it honestly? Yeah there are FTM success stories but I'm lonely as is, should I further alienate myself from love and the family members I'd lose transitioning. I don't know what I want I just know I'm sick of the depression. Working is impossible, truly a mountain to climb everyday. As a young adult I feel more lost than ever before. I'm afraid to become my father, reclusive and never leave the house. I don't want my life to be a repeat of his but everything I do seems like paths to the inevitable future. Though my father is gone aside of all the grief and loss sometimes I feel the way he lived haunts me into being terrified of whats to come. I just don't know how to live a healthy life. I don't want to hate myself and I don't want to feel alone anymore.
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