Someone new, Something new - Introduction
Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2016 4:29 pm
A bit about myself first. I'm 16 years of age. Female. Struggling through the last year of school.I wish to be a doctor because I love human body and want to help people who are suffering. I've been an extremely enthusiastic child. An admirer of nature. I was a very sweet and happy person. I did well in academics,l think. I was pretty good in sports. I had plenty of friends with whom I had loads of fun. I was kinda popular too. I did have certain issues but it didn't paralyze me because I was happy at heart. I only knew to love. I was so stupid that I even cared about those who didn't like me. I hated the feeling of someone feeling lonely. Everyone recognised me as the girl who always smiled. No matter what, I always had a smile cuz I was happy. So my life seems perfect,yeah? You must be wondering then why a person like me is in a place like this??? I can't pinpoint an exact time when it hit me. It was slowly creeping upon me. And before I realized, I was under depression.
I was not sure what I had been feeling. It was very strange to see the colors slowly fading away. Some days I would cry my lungs out and some days nothing at all. The slightest memory would wake the monster in me. And then I would be fighting for air. My grades plummeted down. I completely lost my interest in literally everything. Music was my only companion. I forgot what happiness was. My "friends" noticed something was different about me but they never said anything. So I said, " I don't feel very well these days " and they said, " you're just being immature" . and that shut me down. The last thing I wanted them to think was that I was desperate for attention by being all sad and quiet. I started pushing away my "friends" who were never mine. Teachers asked me to cheer up . so I did . I fought so long pretending to be happy when there was a turmoil inside me . the absolute worst feeling in the world is to smile when you are fighting back the tears.day after day, it got worse. Now I'm unable to pretend. I wanted to get help, but I couldn't bring myself to talk about this to my family. Even though they care about me, there is so much stigma around depression and I thought I'll cure myself. I did so many things. But depression overpowered me. Sometimes I feel it's not real since everyone ignores the hell I'm going through.so I joined a place like this to know whether there are people going through the same hell or whether it's just in my head like everyone says so.
This is just brief introduction. I don't want make it any longer. I stopped talking about this to people who don't understand it. So I'm telling it to you. I don't know what to do.
I was not sure what I had been feeling. It was very strange to see the colors slowly fading away. Some days I would cry my lungs out and some days nothing at all. The slightest memory would wake the monster in me. And then I would be fighting for air. My grades plummeted down. I completely lost my interest in literally everything. Music was my only companion. I forgot what happiness was. My "friends" noticed something was different about me but they never said anything. So I said, " I don't feel very well these days " and they said, " you're just being immature" . and that shut me down. The last thing I wanted them to think was that I was desperate for attention by being all sad and quiet. I started pushing away my "friends" who were never mine. Teachers asked me to cheer up . so I did . I fought so long pretending to be happy when there was a turmoil inside me . the absolute worst feeling in the world is to smile when you are fighting back the tears.day after day, it got worse. Now I'm unable to pretend. I wanted to get help, but I couldn't bring myself to talk about this to my family. Even though they care about me, there is so much stigma around depression and I thought I'll cure myself. I did so many things. But depression overpowered me. Sometimes I feel it's not real since everyone ignores the hell I'm going through.so I joined a place like this to know whether there are people going through the same hell or whether it's just in my head like everyone says so.
This is just brief introduction. I don't want make it any longer. I stopped talking about this to people who don't understand it. So I'm telling it to you. I don't know what to do.