Someone new, Something new - Introduction

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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Kawaii Tomato
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2016 12:36 pm

Someone new, Something new - Introduction

Postby Kawaii Tomato » Tue Nov 01, 2016 4:29 pm

A bit about myself first. I'm 16 years of age. Female. Struggling through the last year of school.I wish to be a doctor because I love human body and want to help people who are suffering. I've been an extremely enthusiastic child. An admirer of nature. I was a very sweet and happy person. I did well in academics,l think. I was pretty good in sports. I had plenty of friends with whom I had loads of fun. I was kinda popular too. I did have certain issues but it didn't paralyze me because I was happy at heart. I only knew to love. I was so stupid that I even cared about those who didn't like me. I hated the feeling of someone feeling lonely. Everyone recognised me as the girl who always smiled. No matter what, I always had a smile cuz I was happy. So my life seems perfect,yeah? You must be wondering then why a person like me is in a place like this??? I can't pinpoint an exact time when it hit me. It was slowly creeping upon me. And before I realized, I was under depression.
I was not sure what I had been feeling. It was very strange to see the colors slowly fading away. Some days I would cry my lungs out and some days nothing at all. The slightest memory would wake the monster in me. And then I would be fighting for air. My grades plummeted down. I completely lost my interest in literally everything. Music was my only companion. I forgot what happiness was. My "friends" noticed something was different about me but they never said anything. So I said, " I don't feel very well these days " and they said, " you're just being immature" . and that shut me down. The last thing I wanted them to think was that I was desperate for attention by being all sad and quiet. I started pushing away my "friends" who were never mine. Teachers asked me to cheer up . so I did . I fought so long pretending to be happy when there was a turmoil inside me . the absolute worst feeling in the world is to smile when you are fighting back the tears.day after day, it got worse. Now I'm unable to pretend. I wanted to get help, but I couldn't bring myself to talk about this to my family. Even though they care about me, there is so much stigma around depression and I thought I'll cure myself. I did so many things. But depression overpowered me. Sometimes I feel it's not real since everyone ignores the hell I'm going through.so I joined a place like this to know whether there are people going through the same hell or whether it's just in my head like everyone says so.
This is just brief introduction. I don't want make it any longer. I stopped talking about this to people who don't understand it. So I'm telling it to you. I don't know what to do.
Last edited by Kawaii Tomato on Thu Nov 03, 2016 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Someone new, Something new - Introduction

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Wed Nov 02, 2016 6:36 pm

Hi welcome to the forums.

I was just reading your story and was pleased to hear that you have done well in your life which is a big achievement for anyone to hear this.

There seems to have been alot of positives going on which included school and usually that's one of the toughest.

You seemed to have already found your feet in life in where you wanna be. You have made good friends and had a good education.

It doesn't sound like nothing has gone wrong for you.

The important thing to remember is to keep being yourself. You as a person over time will start to change which is only us being human. Its a good thing as we are getting wiser.

Sometimes changes in life can be a good thing. I don't know what you think about when you said some of your friends don't seem nice to you. Do you think that's been a big change to your life?

We all go through the same the emotions and feelings in different ways but it's how we deal with them what's counts. We are only human.

I don't know whether you are going through a bad time right now or a normal life but would advise you to speak to someone so you can find for yourself the information you need to keep your anxiety at bay.

It's just taking the first step and talking. You won't be wasting anyone's time. I'm sure about that.

I don't know if you live in the UK or Ireland but if you need anyone right now to talk to you can always contact the smartians who are there to listen and help with your thoughts and feelings. Always there 24/7. What do you think?

Just remember to not lose who you are.

Hugs

Kawaii Tomato
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2016 12:36 pm

Re: Someone new, Something new - Introduction

Postby Kawaii Tomato » Thu Nov 03, 2016 7:49 am

Thank you for replying.
The only big change that happened to me was depression. Depression is just so evil.it doesn't matter whether you have done good in life or poorly in life, depression can attack anyone.
Those things that happened feels like a lifetime ago. I've changed so much that I don't remember those feelings. I went from a sweet girl to one who cuts. I'm just trying to hold on, battling against suicide. I don't know how long it will be before I give in.
The worst part is that I don't have anything to blame for. There wasn't a drastic event that could trigger depression. It just consumed me. No warnings. No excuses.
I can't believe in just one year, how much could change.people whom I thought would help me at my worst were the first ones to leave.
It's never-ending battle with depression. Every time I find a way to stop it, it gets stronger than ever.

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: Someone new, Something new - Introduction

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Thu Nov 03, 2016 1:42 pm

Going through Depression I know is an ever ending battle. You experience everything with it. It don't get better untill it gets worse.

You said you have ways of dealing with it to help you stop. Has that been helpful? I'm glad you have found something what helps.

As you said, you just have to keep fighting and not let it take over you. You have gotten stronger and you should still continue with that.

Things change in life. We are all human. It doesn't matter and shouldn't matter. Aslong as you feel in yourself that nothing has made you act in a bad way then you should be alright.

Please remember to always speak to someone if things get tough. There's always someone to listen. I don't know if you see a doctor but they can help support you.

We're always here.

flickeringbulb
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2016 11:20 am

Re: Someone new, Something new - Introduction

Postby flickeringbulb » Sun Dec 04, 2016 11:37 am

This is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I never really managed to summarize why i feel like this, or how it came to me feeling like this. This helped me know a bit more about how i actually feel. I have never been very good at expressing myself and would like to thank you for kinda doing it for me. I myself am 15 and used to be the funny guy, or the class clown, but now I don't really want to talk to anybody, i spend the breaks alone locked in the toilet. I have friends, but I feel like i dont really care about them anymore.


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