Baby over the Fire (Triggering Content Warning)

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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specter
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Baby over the Fire (Triggering Content Warning)

Postby specter » Fri Mar 11, 2016 11:29 pm

**Trigger Warning**

Gotta get some beer into me before I type. I'm sorry if I broke any rules with that first sentence....

One of the worst triggers I have is sedation. Thereason for this is that I have emotional-memory of witnessing an alleged event, while under the influence of a mind-altering substance. The only way I can understand in my adult mind is that I was "slipped" this drug, or that an adult convinced me to drink a fluid or gelatin that contained this drug. I do not have full, conscious memory of witnessing this type of murder. The flashbacks that I do, on occasion, have are purely emotional. They are so frightening that I cannot relay to the average person how these emotions makes me feel. I usually lose verbal control. In the attempt to do so with doctors, I have been met with a lack of the ability to understand the psychological burden of this type of distress. The type of N.P. that I have has attempted to understand my P.O.V and the way that this trigger has affected my P.T.S.D, and for that, I find her commendable. Other doctors were not so accommodating. This N.P. that I currently see has told me that I word myself well; that I explain my experience clearly and I have a good verbal grasp of my situation. This is something I hope I do on these forums.

The physical symptoms of the trigger of sedation -- most importantly, watching sedation videos on the Internet -- is shaking, crying, panicking, mistrust of people, and severe defensiveness. (Yes, I have the tendency to do this because, with the way the psyche works, "preparing oneself" is a mechanism that the mind uses with the intention to dull the fear.) This only goes so far, and it is my belief that it doesn't work for P.T.S.D triggers. It may be that it works for phobias, but triggers and phobias are an entirely different subject. These physical symptoms are due to crop up in my life at any moment that I am faced with a mild medical procedure.

Other triggers I associate with this trigger are pregnancy, fetuses, a female uterus, and babies.

This particular trigger has recently appeared in my life, starting in 2012. In that year, I had a mental breakdown that was so intense, in retrospect, I surmise that I should have gone to the hospital. I broke down, panicked, and cried for the duration of 3 days. I also did not sleep for 3 days. There was an intimidating burning in my whole body, weakness, and a sense of impending doom. No sense of panic of fear has ever struck me that hard. (That was the first time the awareness of this trigger struck me.) The second time that this trigger struck me was in 2013, off and on in public forums, when I first became a member of H.F.C, and therefore used and relocated to depression-understood. The most recent attack of this trigger was 2016 of this year, in dealing with medical testing that I need to have completed.

I was a chat room user since 2012. In 2015, I decided to become a forum user, in order to better express myself.

In the late fall of 2015, there was an incident between a neighborhood man, a baby that he was carrying, and my parents. Spring and Fall are wonderful seasons for bonfires. This is a tradition especially enjoyed by many Ohioans. The neighborhood man was walking across the street, apparently influenced by some form of drug, or in an otherwise induced mind-altered state. He ended up walking into our yard, the baby in his hands, and he had almost placed the baby into the fire-pit, which was roaring with fire. This upset my stepfather enough to cause him to leap at the man and stop him from dropping the infant into the fire-pit.

I was in my room at the time and I didn't see any of this occur. The haunted feeling that my parents felt that night is a feeling that I associate with my trauma. I could sense this feeling lingering between my parents, in our house, and down the street where I would take seasonal walks. I still feel it.
Last edited by specter on Fri Mar 11, 2016 11:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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specter
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Location: Ohio, USA

Postby specter » Fri Mar 11, 2016 11:50 pm

Go easy on me. This was ridiculously difficult to post ... emotionally-speaking and technologically-speaking. :x

100footpole
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Postby 100footpole » Sat Mar 12, 2016 12:16 pm

I am thinking about this.

I think that you make a very good point about differences between treating a phobia and PTSD. They are not the same things at all.

The other point you make is that drugs that are supposed to help you are also triggers. This was the basis for a lot of therapeutic breakthroughs through the 70s. As our (still very primative) understanding of neurology, neuro-chemistry, and neuro-pharmacology became more sophisticated, the american zeitgeist seemed to have concentrated on reducing costs instead of promoting societal health.

The fragmentation of this position is certainly currently reflected in our political process.

You often make the point that we shouldn't try to put words in your mouth. I will try not to do that, but when I read this post I certainly ran it through my filters which are very different than yours. I think that if we continue to converse I can come to a better understanding of your position, but as your addendum points doing that could be traumatic for you.

Thankyou for sharing. I think of your virtual self that you present on here often. This self is just the tip of the iceberg that is you. I am very aware of the mistakes that the captain of the Titanic made, And I am also aware of Climate Change. Scientific Advancement has made the world a much more dangerous place for icebergs than for ships.

I think this is a place where we can express our ideas outside of the shipping lanes, but as I have interpreted from your other posts we can be monitored, and the more we interact (get closer to the shipping lanes) the more the monitoring will occur by the people who are concerned for us. I am stating this as something I perceive, not as a warning stemming from your post. I don't understand everything you feel, but I think I share some parts of your fear.

(((BIG HUGS)))

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specter
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Location: Ohio, USA

Postby specter » Sat Mar 12, 2016 1:46 pm

You're welcome. And thank you for reading.

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viuuiuvy
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Re: Baby over the Fire (Triggering Content Warning)

Postby viuuiuvy » Thu Jun 16, 2016 2:27 pm

specter wrote:**Trigger Warning**

The type of N.P. that I have has attempted to understand my P.O.V and the way that this trigger has affected my P.T.S.D, and for that, I find her commendable. Other doctors were not so accommodating. This N.P. that I currently see has told me that I word myself well; that I explain my experience clearly and I have a good verbal grasp of my situation. This is something I hope I do on these forums.




I have been diagnosed with PTSD although it doesn't bother me much nowdays. At night it does although my doctor has put me on the valium 3x a day & I've been taking benzos for almost a decade now.

Talk with your doctor & make sure you have gone to a primary doctor also (in case you might be sick) & the doctor will get your meds straightened out.

Always keep in touch with a primary doctor if you have PTSD (due to what it does on a physical level).

Hope things are better.

Take care.

:)
Be yourself. :)


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