I just needed somewhere to vent. And I need advice.

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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jrkeller
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2016 5:05 pm

I just needed somewhere to vent. And I need advice.

Postby jrkeller » Mon Jan 18, 2016 5:33 pm

Hello, my name is josh and I'm a sophomore in highschool. School's always been relatively easy for me until this year, it's not that the schoolwork is getting harder. It's just my brain is making things harder. Let me say my usual routine here, I get up in the morning, spend half my day at school, then I spend about a third of my day sitting at my desk silently screaming at myself or in my bed under the covers crying like a wuss and telling myself how much of a disappointment I am. The small sliver of time I have left either goes to trying to do my homework, or trying to get myself even moderately happy by watching my favorite comedian or youtuber or show. Oh and btw I have focusing issues so most of the time when I try to do my homework I don't complete it or I get even sadder. And it's not that I'm dumb or anything, I am an above average student going to a very competitive school... My main problem is that I don't know how much longer I can hold out, my grades are dropping and I'm just too sad and tired to do anything. And all this is recently before the fall ended I was as happy as can be, I was a great soccer player, I had friends, I had good grades, and I always woke up refreshed and ready to go. And now I sometimes can't get myself out of bed in the morning. and it's not like I haven't tried getting help, I was having anxiety attacks and I have gone to see multiple doctors and I'm scheduled on seeing my doctor after which I took a long test about depression and anxiety and all that next month. But I'm a liar, I lie to the doctors and teachers and my parents and all them. I am known as the class clown, I make jokes I always have a dumb grin on my face... But I'm never happy. My parents always ask if I'm doing my homework or studying and I always say yes, but in reality I'm in a faraway place in my head screaming at myself to wake up, and to stop lying. I'm hoping that the test results allow me to get some help. Back to lying to my friends. Yeah we'll ever since I've gotten sad, I am a douche to everyone around me. I think I only have one or two friends left they confide in me and are truthful when it comes to what people say and think around me. Even my parents have lost hope in me, they used to push me to be the best I could be, now they say stuff like "it's only your health that matters, not your grades" and stuff like "that school has a lot of smart kids... Just try the best you can. And whenever they say stuff like that I just feel worse about myself. And I hate it when people try to comfort me because I don't deserve it. My life is just getting worse and worse, I've gotten to the point where schoolwork is associated with sadness in my head so I get too scared to do it. I've lost all interest in doing things I like anymore. I just try to sleep as much as I can, and I wish I could just fall asleep forever. Finals are coming up and I don't know what I am going to do I can't focus during the tests(my parents don't want to medicate my add) and my grades are going to drop into such a deep hole that I'll never go to a good college and never get a good job.. and even my parents are starting to realize that.

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specter
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:13 am
Location: Ohio, USA

Society Is Damaged

Postby specter » Mon Jan 18, 2016 5:50 pm

School is hard enough without the added pressure of mental illness. ... Yes, you do deserve to be comforted. That said, mental illness can happen to anyone and at any age. I grew up developing it throughout my early childhood. I had it ever since. It was programmed into me over time and I'm still dealing with it now.

I had to drop out of school. Last month of the first semester of my Junior year. I didn't finish the second semester. One of the many reasons at the time was mental illness, but I had a lot of good reasons to drop out of high school at that period in my life; essentially, it was hanging by a thread. I couldn't take it anymore.

A good reason a lot of people drop out of school is because they don't feel they belong in an educational institution. They feel that they are a free spirit and they want to travel the world and learn about things outside of the classroom. There is nothing wrong with that. ... And, sadly, a new common and most unfortunate reason that school is not an environment that a lot of people want to be in anymore is the fact that it has turned into an unsafe "haven" for the students. The news has made reports about teachers abusing both students and special-needs students in a variety of humiliating and emotionally scarring ways.

Sometimes school isn't so great. And there's nothing wrong with focusing on yourself, so I hope you can take care of yourself without feeling badly about it because of the ignorance and the demands of other people.

Oh, some ideas ...

    Tutoring
    Online schooling (money tho)
    Switching schools/telling a teacher (trust them?)
    "Independent study" (know nothing about this one)
    Talking with a councelor (are they actually helpful?)


I don't think I'm very helpful, but I wish you luck.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Postby 100footpole » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:27 am

What a great post Specter.

I had a similar experience in high school.

I do think that finding a teacher that you trust and talking to them is the safest first step. I ended up breaking down in class, a teacher connected me to a guidance counselor and held them responsibile, and I was able to start taking classes at a junior college, which at least didn't have the bullying of high school.

You are lucky that you live in better times than I did (I'm 58). I have heard good things about anti-depressants for some teen agers. I ended up being prescribed some awful drugs before SSRIs.

The worst part of depression is the binary thinking ... You think "if this doesn't work I don't know what I'll do". Know that you have options, there are people who will care about you, and the purpose of your options is to provide you a path for finding them. It is a maze, and when you hit a dead end all you can do is turn around and trace your way back to the next option. You need to think of depression as the enemy's way of camoflauging your options. Look for the hidden doors my friend!

One more thing you could do would be to send Email to your favorite comediennes saying what you like about their acts.

Good luck!

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specter
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:13 am
Location: Ohio, USA

Postby specter » Tue Jan 19, 2016 6:03 pm

You need to think of depression as the enemy's way of camoflauging your options. Look for the hidden doors my friend!


Well said.

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viuuiuvy
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 2:29 pm
Location: Pontoon Beach, Illinois

Re: I just needed somewhere to vent. And I need advice.

Postby viuuiuvy » Thu Jun 16, 2016 7:09 pm

High school for me was pretty hard, although I did do good and managed to get into college. There were things going on in my mind during college that were very bad, I was up at night & asleep during the day. I didn't last very long the first semester & found myself back home & back in school again (a community college). The panic disorder & flashbacks were too much for me & I had to go to class on benzos & other pills.....which made it really hard to remember things. It was terrifying. I had no idea where I was, what was going on, and I don't remember much at all.

Later on, I started working & moved out. After getting a house & settling down, getting to know my doctor better & so on, things begun to look better.

School can be stressful, although it won't get you anywhere if you are suffering & going to class under the influence of such horror. Don't go to school if you aren't getting sleep or have problems handling reality.

Life is much better now & school is something I don't want to go to at all. Nowdays, getting to sleep is a difficult process and my advice to college or high school students is pretty negative. Honestly, in my opinion, school is a waste of time. I hate school & feel as if it doesn't do anything to help better anything really.....if you suffer from major depressive disorder don't go to class: what will happen is horrible. You will find yourself stressed out & sick.

:)


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