im losing my grip

[joeyavenue]

I feel like Im losing the battle with depression. I think it was hiding it well and keeping it to myself but lately it is really affecting my relationship with my husband. Im so down and gloomy and he get frustrated and angry when I don't want to be around other people. I just don't feel like seeing other people smile it hurts me cause I want to be happy again but cant bring myself to be. I wish he would understand what Im dealing with instead of getting mad or telling my Im being a drama queen. Im struggling so hard right now and he gets mad when I don't have the same mood as him. I try to smile when he is around and put on the brave face but Im screaming inside. I need professional help but I can afford it. Any suggestions would be nice I need a hand or a life raft. Thanks for listening.

[walnuts]

Joey- I am so sorry for the pain that you are suffering. I know it all too well. Can you apply for medicaid? You need help and you need it fast. You might want to go to the emergency room- ESPECIALLY if you are having dark thoughts. I did last month. They admitted me. My meds were adjusted. But I completely sympathize with you- when you don't have money- you don't have access to the best medical care. But medicaid does cover psych visits (although not often enough) and social workers. But seriously - ANYTHING WILL HELP
There are also emergency psychiatric clincis - at least where I live in DC there is one.
Are you able to get out of bed?
You are not alone. I have had months of my life just slip by in a daze of depression. It's agony. I completely relate.

[joeyavenue]

Thank u for the reply it helps to hear there are people who understand. I live in LA, CA. MediCal sux out here for people. I'm trying so desperately to get a job so one I can have a reason to get up everyday and two so I can afford healthcare. I really think that the thing that makes things worst is the attitude I get from my husband. He says he's there for me but when I try to talk thru my feelings with him he gets angry and tells me that I'm just being dramatic. If I could control all of this I would. I hate that he doesnt get it. I finally left my house today for the first time in like 4 weeks, my only friend came over and took me to a movie. I was feeling alittle better like I could bare the day and when I get home my husband is mad cause I didn't rake out the trash before I left and he told me that it must be nice to do whatever u Freaking want. I'm a bad person now for leaving my prison. I hate how I feel and want it to go away. My dark thoughts scare me and my emotional and physical pain are so great its unbearable sometimes. I want to smile and be truly happy again. Thanks for listening.

[Aina]

Let your doctor know about significant changes in your weight and any other symptoms of depression. If you have been diagnosed with depression, a change in eating habits could mean that your depression is getting worse. Treatment works, so don't ignore these possible warning signs of depression.