Will never be good enough

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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CrazyLady17

Will never be good enough

Postby CrazyLady17 » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:06 am

I always think and think and wonder;
Will I ever be good enough for anyone?
An I answer;
No you will never ever be good enough for anyone, as you're a liar and have depression and you will fail to beat it.

Why does depression always bring out the Demond within me?[/img]

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Wed Dec 11, 2013 3:58 pm

I always get told I will never be good enough for anyone and that I may as well be dead... Wow! Some people are just so shallow!! Makes me wonder why I feel depressed in the first place.
I feel so anxious and feel so down :(

b3r3
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Postby b3r3 » Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:35 pm

yeah i wonder too, i actually try my hard to be seen as enough but sometimes i feel like my own parents will never see me as enough, life is tough
being born is easy, but nobody said life was easy
life is about as tough as a diamond pretty glamorous yet cold and hurtful

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Thu Dec 12, 2013 2:30 am

Aww I'm sorry :(
Yes life is tough!
My parents don't see me as good enough. And that hurts.

I guess life is just a roller-coaster ride!

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Thu Dec 12, 2013 3:07 am

Why am I still hanging around about? I'll never be good enough for anyone... Will I?.... No of course not.

100footpole
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All kinds of cognitive biases ...

Postby 100footpole » Sat Oct 11, 2014 1:06 pm

I looked up cognitive biases on Wikipedia the other day. The first two paragraphs are:

Cognitive biases are tendencies to think in certain ways. Cognitive biases can lead to systematic deviations from a standard of rationality or good judgment, and are often studied in psychology and behavioral economics.

Although the reality of these biases is confirmed by replicable research, there are often controversies about how to classify these biases or how to explain them. Some are effects of information-processing rules (i.e. mental shortcuts), called heuristics, that the brain uses to produce decisions or judgments. Such effects are called cognitive biases. Biases in judgment or decision-making can also result from motivation, such as when beliefs are distorted by wishful thinking. Some biases have a variety of cognitive ("cold") or motivational ("hot") explanations. Both effects can be present at the same time.[

I agree with Raza159 that believe in deity is a really effective heuristic.

One of the decision making biases is labeled "empathy gap". Deism can have a "hot / cold" empathy gap. People for whom belief works are on the "hot" side of the argument. People for who the belief doesn't work are on the "cold".

You might enjoy reading through those cognitive biases to identify biases that others have that make their reasoning unsound. You can also look for things that you might not be thinking about rationally. In the spirit of internet hypochondria, I can spot just about everyone of those biases in one or another of my negative ideas, and labeling the cause helps me to discount the idea. People say that I have very little empathy so reviewing the cognitive biases allows me to embrace empathetic (warm/hot) behaviors with a "cold" motivation.

:)

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specter
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Negative Spirals

Postby specter » Mon Jan 18, 2016 3:35 pm

There's this negative cycle in society where we are all -- or almost all -- taught to believe negative things because other people believe them about us. ... But that's just it; if other people matter in our daily lives, and they believe it about us, doesn't it not entirely matter whether or not it's true and that it only matters that the other person believes it? ... What people think about each other is important because it directly influences how they treat one another. We are all -- or almost all -- in some way impacted by these spirals of negative thoughts.

So ... why is this what it is?

... Can't see judgment as being the culprit because judgments are based on making personal decisions about a person, place, or thing, and are rooted in the ideas that we have been taught to believe are true in life. Judgment is like a compass for the thoughts that we think are right or wrong and are used to steer people into the choices they want to go. Nothing wrong with that.

... Can't see insecurity as being the culprit either. It's important to care what other people think so that you can remain emotionally open. This is to ensure other people have influence in your life, and the amazing thing about being a human being is that people change people. In this light, insecurity is helpful, but it does become unhelpful when a person doesn't use it as a self-improvement guide instead of a self-hating tool. Plus, one of the most amazing aspects about insecurity is that, ultimately, it is a tool for bonding, so to open up with someone about feeling insecure -- granted, this is a person that you love and trust and loves and trusts you back -- is a way to share something personal about you, and thereby allows you to become closer to them. Can't get any better than that, I think.

Maybe it's only a matter of people becoming more broad-minded about their judgments of other people? Instead of holding the viewpoint that someone is, in a generalized nature, "good or bad", it would be a good idea for someone to take the aspect about the person that they deem worthy of criticism and learn to see the use that came out of it, as existing for both good and bad potentials. This could be a new tool of defining people, and if we can define people in a broad-minded way instead of in a limited, good VS bad idealized structure, then maybe people won't end up falling into the negative emotional spirals that they get themselves into.

It's interesting to think about, but I don't know if it's going to happen. We have believed, as human beings, that we need limits, especially in thought, but do we? There is "good and bad" in both, and all, sides. The harm, though, that it's causing should be an indicator that we don't, or that, if we ever did, we now no longer do. ... Only ruminating.

100footpole
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Postby 100footpole » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:32 am

It's interesting to think about, but I don't know if it's going to happen. We have believed, as human beings, that we need limits, especially in thought, but do we? There is "good and bad" in both, and all, sides. The harm, though, that it's causing should be an indicator that we don't, or that, if we ever did, we now no longer do. ... Only ruminating.


I believe in "The golden rule:" treat others as you want to be treated. But that rule requires you to think "How would I want to be treated after I treat someone badly", which is really hard to do when someone does something to you that YOU would never do to them.

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specter
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Platinum Rule

Postby specter » Tue Jan 19, 2016 3:46 pm

I read somewhere that there is also a "Platinum Rule". News to me, at the time. It basically states "Treat others how they want to be treated." ... Wouldn't you have to ask them how they want to be treated, though? Not a bad idea, and it would probably stimulate more thoughtfulness and consideration into our society, but at the same time, it sounds a little too much like "Can I take your order today?" or "What would you like this evening?" The world would feel like an emotional burger joint. We would all sound like therapists.... ... Good/bad? I don't know.

"Hi Tom, I'm Sally. I like to be treated in a sweet and gentle way, with a little humor. How would you like to be treated?"

... Yep, sounds a little weird, but it might be a step in a right direction? I don't want to knock it entirely. It might be a part of the future one day, so who knows.

... ... Reread that up there ... and it just got weirder. Ha ha.

Be nice if all people could live from a pure-hearted state, but I can't conceive of that being possible. A lot of people have had the purity in their hearts ripped out and stomped on. Can't even raise my own hand and say that I could do it either. Bit depressing.

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viuuiuvy
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Re: Platinum Rule

Postby viuuiuvy » Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:44 pm

specter wrote:
Be nice if all people could live from a pure-hearted state, but I can't conceive of that being possible. A lot of people have had the purity in their hearts ripped out and stomped on. Can't even raise my own hand and say that I could do it either. Bit depressing.


From living in a health facility for so long & having a support group around all the time, I'm used to being treated warm on an emotional level. There is a reality in which people treat others with compassion & calmness. Although, before I moved to a health unit, I was used to having to deal with people on a more "street" level & I bring that with me when I go out to the city nowdays.

Don't talk to strangers & don't expect people to stomp on your heart: expect it totally. It's a dangerous world out there & don't worry about "connecting" with anyone emotionally: people aren't like that.
Be yourself. :)

dougsan
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I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

Postby dougsan » Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:03 pm

viuuiuvy, I find your outlook much, much too negative. The people of our world will not treat you any differently than we treat everyone else. When I lived in a "health unit" -- assuming a health unit is a psychiatric unit -- I believed the world was out to get me and if I gave them the chance they would cause my destruction. In time I learned how much BS was in the way I thought (for me, of course). Life is tough and it is a wonder. No one hates more than I do. No one loves less than I do. Life is tough (can't say that too often). "Toughen up or live with the pain", is the best message I received after, " a leaf falls loneliness."
A leaf falls, lonliness
e.e. cummings

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MessyNatalie
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Re: Will never be good enough

Postby MessyNatalie » Mon Nov 28, 2016 2:51 pm

Recently I've made it a mission to prove my negative predictions wrong! It's crazy what a little motivation can do for our brains! Living with negative ideas, negative predictions, amplifies the helplessness inside me, but once I proved those negative expectations wrong it motivated me to keep going! I hope this helps you too! Stay strong!

Katjie
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Re: Will never be good enough

Postby Katjie » Wed Nov 30, 2016 5:41 am

You know, I have had violence and trouble my whole life because of psycopaths or just plain abusive people, it is still a mistery why I keep attracting kinds like that. I have even given up on relationships and myself. It affects your whole perception of selfworth.

I am still on heavy antidepressants for depression and anxiety and if the man in my life finds out, it is easier for them to pile all relationshio problems on ME the "crazy one"... I am good at making friends but I tire quickly of them or people because I don't want to mix with negative people because I have my own cross to carry...

The point is, I am an animal lover and has surrounded myself with pets of all kinds because they give my much pleasure and the DO have souls. I can have healthy conversations strangers because I don't have an obligation towards strangers. I am an avid reader of all kinds of topics so that I can feel "clever" and people think also that I am clever....because of the approval of my animals and total strangers, I feel I am at least can contribute even if I hurt inside....

Even if I am dependant on antidepressants, I avoid negativity....it pisses people off if you are passive agressive, but it makes me feel better to pull an ugly face behind their back or spit in their coffee, but I make myself laugh doing it. At least I avoid a toxic conversation that can make me feel worst.

Also, I have been a non-believer my whole life because I felt life is unfair and why does God allow bad things to happen to good people....

Recently my beloved parrot flew away, even when his wings wad clipped....I love my bird so much that I have searched for two days day and night and even threw in "lost" notices in peoples post boxes. Then I did a desperate thing...I have made an agreement with God....if He brings my parrot back, I will go to church.

The next day one of our neighbours phoned because my African Grey was sitting in his tree in his garden. Parrots rarely come back....That bird was soooo glad to see me and needless to explain, I cried and cried of happyness!

True to my word, I have made a friend in God because afterwards I have prayed for many (reasonable things) and He made it come true even when I had my doubts still. I am still growing in my newfound Faith and life still sucks in many ways....but I have a trusting Friend and my salvation is that I have a great sense of humor, how else can I survive.

I was conceived, might as well LIVE!


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