Not really sure where to start..I have been relapsing into my old ways lately
I am my own worst enemy. I push people away and keep them at arms length because I have always come second to everyone in my life and I presume that every new person I meet will eventually hurt me if I let them get too close.
I feel like a failure to my parents, I have never been good enough for any boys I have been with, most my friends I have ever made have stabbed me in the back or abandoned me.
A month ago I received a message from a girl I used to be "best friends" with until she stabbed me in the back. After we stopped being friends she bullied me for 2 years. At first I didn't think I cared but after a while it started to eat away at me and then all the emotions came back. Its been 7 years since I have seen her and I still hate her.
"Hi, I'm not sure whether you remember me or not but I went to school with you. I wasn't a nice person in high school... I'm actually quite ashamed of that part of my life because I was so awful. I know I was mean to you, I was really mean and I had absolutely no reason to act like that. I would like to say I'm sorry and I know it was a very long time ago and I've been sorry for a very long time and I thought you should know. Thanks"
I didn't reply when I first got the messaged but she has since blocked me so I can even contact her to say how much I still hate her and that its all well and good for her to apologise now but she has no idea the battle I have been through because of the things she did to me.
I just don't understand what I did to deserve this? and why am I never good enough for anyone?
It just feels like nothing ever goes right for me. I'm over feeling this way, starting to believe that it will never get better.
Never good enough.
Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Hi Mary,
Many people have a fear of forgiving others, because they assume that it's condoning the pain inflicted upon them. (or excusing it/saying it's okay)
Forgiveness is simply letting go of the past and unburdening ourselves of pain that's too long carried. It's also good for all of us to remember that we have, likewise, hurt others. We would hope and pray that if we hurt someone, they would also forgive us.
I agree that it's harder to forgive when the pain inflicted was intentional. But, it's not impossible. There have been times in my life when I had to pray for the strength, capacity and resolve to forgive! And I've been through some bullying in my life. I DO know how it feels, and I know how cruel the human heart can be.
I also know that holding onto grudges can cause cancer. It's been proven by medical science. Release it...and if you walk around with hate in your heart, you're not only hurting yourself, but it could later manifest itself on others. They may then feel like you, asking, "What did I ever do to deserve this?"
Trust me when I tell you that keeping another person bound to their guilt, will not benefit you. It will get you nowhere but miserable and steeped in hate.
Hoping the best for you,
4EverMe
Many people have a fear of forgiving others, because they assume that it's condoning the pain inflicted upon them. (or excusing it/saying it's okay)
Forgiveness is simply letting go of the past and unburdening ourselves of pain that's too long carried. It's also good for all of us to remember that we have, likewise, hurt others. We would hope and pray that if we hurt someone, they would also forgive us.
I agree that it's harder to forgive when the pain inflicted was intentional. But, it's not impossible. There have been times in my life when I had to pray for the strength, capacity and resolve to forgive! And I've been through some bullying in my life. I DO know how it feels, and I know how cruel the human heart can be.
I also know that holding onto grudges can cause cancer. It's been proven by medical science. Release it...and if you walk around with hate in your heart, you're not only hurting yourself, but it could later manifest itself on others. They may then feel like you, asking, "What did I ever do to deserve this?"
Trust me when I tell you that keeping another person bound to their guilt, will not benefit you. It will get you nowhere but miserable and steeped in hate.
Hoping the best for you,
4EverMe
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Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
Hi Mary,
Please remember that we all do things that hurt others. Sometimes by intent, often because we are acting and thinking about every situation from our own point of view. It can truly be hard to put yourself in another's shoes. I am glad to hear that your previous friend apologized, but I also understand why you still hate her.
I'm just divorced from a woman I was married to for 18 years. When we got married we had agreed that I couldn't afford to support us both and my wife would work also. But after we married she decided, on her own, that she would start her own business. The upshot was that for the next 13 years I had to pay every household bill and buy the groceries. I'll make this short, at the end, after I'd been fired from the job I'd had for 16 years, she told me she'd only stayed married to me for the health insurance benefits.. I asked her what about all the years I'd supported her and she said "that was then, this is now". I hate her. Understand, I know living with a chronicly depressed man can't be a lot of fun. But she stayed with me when she needed me, when I needed her it was "get out".
My point is that the hatred I feel for her eats me up on a daily basis, but I don't think it's bothering her at all.
Try to let that hate go. I'm trying, but it sure can be hard.
Good luck
Please remember that we all do things that hurt others. Sometimes by intent, often because we are acting and thinking about every situation from our own point of view. It can truly be hard to put yourself in another's shoes. I am glad to hear that your previous friend apologized, but I also understand why you still hate her.
I'm just divorced from a woman I was married to for 18 years. When we got married we had agreed that I couldn't afford to support us both and my wife would work also. But after we married she decided, on her own, that she would start her own business. The upshot was that for the next 13 years I had to pay every household bill and buy the groceries. I'll make this short, at the end, after I'd been fired from the job I'd had for 16 years, she told me she'd only stayed married to me for the health insurance benefits.. I asked her what about all the years I'd supported her and she said "that was then, this is now". I hate her. Understand, I know living with a chronicly depressed man can't be a lot of fun. But she stayed with me when she needed me, when I needed her it was "get out".
My point is that the hatred I feel for her eats me up on a daily basis, but I don't think it's bothering her at all.
Try to let that hate go. I'm trying, but it sure can be hard.
Good luck
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