Wasn't there a place I used to go?
Was it in my mind, a place in my home,
in a book, some field to roam?
Where has it gone? I used to discover it without searching.
The quiet dusty light in my grandfathers wood shop.
The crooked apple tree in the cow pasture.
The black and white TV.
Ten year old back issues of Popular Mechanics Magazines
A topographic map or an electronic schematic
The insides of an old clock.
Moms kitchen
An acid fume hood or old chemistry set.
A beautiful girl
A great movie
A beautiful mind
A tug boat
A 30 mile bike ride
A blazing sunset
Brand new black top
Where have they taken it? It used to be everywhere.
Now I can't find it anywhere.
Inspiration
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Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
The pain of depression is difficult to cope with, but over the years I have found that I can cope better than I used to. The part that gets worse over time, is the apathy, the lethargy and the loss of the ability to enjoy the things we used to take pleasure in. I still really like food, but other things like sex, a good movie, walking and biking I get less and less enjoyment from.
30 years ago I can remember how it felt to walk down the dog mushing trails that ran behind the place I was living. You couldn't use them in the summer, because the ground was all marsh and tundra, but in the winter it was all frozen over. One day it was minus 40,back then I was 6'2" and 325 pounds, had (still have) a long beard and kept my personal furnace fueled with lots of pizza. What I'm saying is that my body generated a lot of heat. So even at 40 below I would start out with my heavy coat, but after 20 minutes I'd have stripped down to just my heavy undershirt. By the time I got to the gas station where I would catch the bus, my beard was coated with a heavy layer of frost. In it's own way it was very exilerating.
The gastric bypass surgery I had back in 2000 put an end to my internal furnace. Ever since then I've been cold all winter long. I miss that, living up here it was nice to have.
30 years ago I can remember how it felt to walk down the dog mushing trails that ran behind the place I was living. You couldn't use them in the summer, because the ground was all marsh and tundra, but in the winter it was all frozen over. One day it was minus 40,back then I was 6'2" and 325 pounds, had (still have) a long beard and kept my personal furnace fueled with lots of pizza. What I'm saying is that my body generated a lot of heat. So even at 40 below I would start out with my heavy coat, but after 20 minutes I'd have stripped down to just my heavy undershirt. By the time I got to the gas station where I would catch the bus, my beard was coated with a heavy layer of frost. In it's own way it was very exilerating.
The gastric bypass surgery I had back in 2000 put an end to my internal furnace. Ever since then I've been cold all winter long. I miss that, living up here it was nice to have.
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Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
Interesting Alaska; maybe there's hope. It occurs to me, one of my issues with meds is that; yes, they take away anxiety, perhaps lift depression, but what's that worth?
My mind jumps to that old Ford. Suppose, rather than the points, that the wires are old and it's raining and it's dark outside and the engine is coughing. So we open the hood and see a whole bunch of tiny blue sparks all around the wires. Well, we know that those spark plugs need a good strong spark to fire each cylinder and all those tiny blue sparks mean the charge is leaking off from the old wires.
As I go through my day, I get millions of little sparks from interesting and beautiful sources. None of these sparks fire up my mind any more. The inspirations last about a heart beat. The anxiety and depression used to be tools for channeling inspiration. Now they are anchors. But what's the use of feeling OK when the world is not OK and I can't generate the motivation to work for postive change. It's just become work to fill the days till I die. Why? Oh why? Oh to lay down and die? Oh, Oh, Oh...Owe, owe, owe...off to work I go.
My mind jumps to that old Ford. Suppose, rather than the points, that the wires are old and it's raining and it's dark outside and the engine is coughing. So we open the hood and see a whole bunch of tiny blue sparks all around the wires. Well, we know that those spark plugs need a good strong spark to fire each cylinder and all those tiny blue sparks mean the charge is leaking off from the old wires.
As I go through my day, I get millions of little sparks from interesting and beautiful sources. None of these sparks fire up my mind any more. The inspirations last about a heart beat. The anxiety and depression used to be tools for channeling inspiration. Now they are anchors. But what's the use of feeling OK when the world is not OK and I can't generate the motivation to work for postive change. It's just become work to fill the days till I die. Why? Oh why? Oh to lay down and die? Oh, Oh, Oh...Owe, owe, owe...off to work I go.
Yeah,
In the past, when depressed...I used to reminisce a lot on things that used to be. I'd constantly listen to old songs that reminded me of happier days, and cry...I still cherish those times, songs from childhood years. But I hardly ever think of them now, or listen to those tunes. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing? Anyone have an opinion on this??
Just the other day, someone sent me a sarcastic pm in which they referred to me as 'emmiegirl.' Don't quite understand what that was about...Anyway, when I thought about it today, it reminded me of the song 'Georgy Girl.' Brings to mind hearing it as a child. Oh, where did those times go?! The sweet nostalgia...I DO miss my childhood. (early part prior to abandonment).
In the past, when depressed...I used to reminisce a lot on things that used to be. I'd constantly listen to old songs that reminded me of happier days, and cry...I still cherish those times, songs from childhood years. But I hardly ever think of them now, or listen to those tunes. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing? Anyone have an opinion on this??
Just the other day, someone sent me a sarcastic pm in which they referred to me as 'emmiegirl.' Don't quite understand what that was about...Anyway, when I thought about it today, it reminded me of the song 'Georgy Girl.' Brings to mind hearing it as a child. Oh, where did those times go?! The sweet nostalgia...I DO miss my childhood. (early part prior to abandonment).
Last edited by 4EverMe on Tue Aug 06, 2013 9:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
I hear ya! My favorites are the 60's and 70's. But I also like some 50's, as I grew up on that also. Some Beatles songs I like, such as 'Let it Be' and 'The Long and Winding Road.' (tear jerker cause I relate)! Hmmm. When it comes to 40's? Yeah, I like the song 'You Belong to Me' by Dean Martin. I like Sinatra and others, though I don't recall their names. How about the Stones? Or the Eagles? FLeetwood Mac? Hell, I could go on and on. Oh! Reminds me of another song I like, 'On and on.' Haha! Don't get me started Alaska!! 
I'm a music FREAK!
I'm a music FREAK!Who is online
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