sliding down the hole again

[Cwinn]

well, I'm new here so I'll give a teeny bit of background. Since about 14 I've had alternating bouts and sometimes a mixture of intense depression and anxiety. I'm terrible at dealing with stress and during these intense emotional times I sometimes get bouts of psychosis. I'm 19 now and I had been doing great until about a week ago. Nothing bad in particular happened, in fact quite the opposite. I just finished my first year of university, I'm working in the hospital, I'm engaged..and yet I feel so utterly miserable. A few months ago I finished my sessions with my doctor and I've been going strong until now. I haven't been able to hurt myself because I know that in the end it just won't help but I've been thinking about it uncontrollably. I leave home and just wander around for hours, doing nothing in particular, because I need to get out of the house. I feel like I need to get away from everything, even for just a short time. I drink but I've never done it to cope with my problems because practically my whole extended family consists of alcolohics and I don't want to end up like that. but I need to get away so badly.

[Emotional_77]

(((((Cwinn))))
Sorry to hear you are down lately especially when good things are hapenning in your life. There is a chat here if you ever need to vent and you can always PM me if you need to. Take care of yourself.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( Cwinn )))))))))))))))))))

Know that you are thought of and best thoughts to you. Please continue posting here, it helps to get things off the mind and into words.

Warmie

[Cwinn]

thanks so much for your support. It's been a while. I'm doing pretty okay but I got alcohol poisoning on friday from drinking a 26 of jack daniels in two swigs. fortunately my girlfriend called an ambulance or I would have died from having puke in my lungs. I've decided to never drink again and while I am still a bit woozy the world has never seemed so bright.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((( Cwinn )))))))))))))))))))))

The support is here for you, always. So glad you are doing better for now. Guess a lesson well learned, right?

Please take care of yourself.

Warmie

[Cwinn]

haha oh yes, I definitely learned my lesson thanks! (((((Warmie)))))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Cwinn )))))))))))))

Thank you for posting, means a lot.

Warmie

[Emotional_77]

(((((Cwinn))))))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((( Cwinn ))))))))))))))))

How are you doing, coping with the depression I hope. Sending good thoughts your way. Just wanted you to know you are being thought of.

Warmie

[Cwinn]

((((Warmie))))

Thanks! I've been doing a lot better, I don't feel like crud every day anymore, which is always a sign that things are improving. I hope things are well with you, too!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((((Cwinn)))))))))))))))

Great hearing from you!!! So please that you are doing a LOT better. Keep doing whatever you are doing, keep the improving flowing, please.

Things are all right here, thank you for asking.

Please take care....post again soon

Warmie

[Cwinn]

hey, it's been a while. well, a lot has happened since I last posted. my girlfriend and I had our 1-year anniversary in august. I still haven't drank, but lately I've been thinking about it a lot. my parents were never really on the best of terms but they've been fighting more than usual lately and whenever I'm with my mom or my dad they vent about the other one but I (and my brothers as well) feel kind of awkward. I've been getting good grades (I'm in my second year of university now) but lately I've just been so tired all the time and I can't find any motivation to do work. the past few weeks I've been more depressed than I have in years but I'm not sure who to go to. My brothers are usually busy with their masters projects, I've never felt comfortable talking about this sort of thing with my parents, I feel weird bringing it up with my friends, even the ones whom I usually talk to about these things, and my girlfriend and I feel like we've drifted apart somewhat so I haven't been able to talk to her about it either. I've only had two appointments with my doctor since april and he's booked solid. I started self-harming again for the first time in two years but I'm trying to stop. we're trying to think of ways to make our relationship get going again but we're stuck on ideas. I just don't know what to do.