Help

[Frame]

When I think of all tbe people I've touched in positive ways, people willing to help, who want to help; When I think of often I won't respond, how wander away from help rather than try to deal; What is the meaning in that?

I try to rationalize I'm not use, a hopeless case. Take all my good advice and chuck it. I don't want to draw this out. I want it all to end. And yet I know it won't end. The misery goes on and on and I apprehend no meaning.

[Alaska1958]

It would be great if we could just take the facts, as we know them, from the intellectual side of our brain and make it improve the way we feel. I know my own situation is unfortunate, but hardly calls for the extremely bad moods that I constantly battle. On Sunday I "felt" pretty good. I was in the same position then that I was in last week and the same as today. But last week I was thinking, in the back of my mind, how I would die and what I'd write in my final note.

I think the Vulcans had the right idea, train your kids not to have feelings. If I could have my ability to "feel" emotions, without affecting my intellect, I'd do it.

I was watching a youtube video the other day and this well known (I'm blanking on his name) English actor and atheist was talking about his life with manic depression. He mentioned that he was once in a large group of others with the same problem (the bipolar disorder, not the atheism). He asked them if they could just push a button and cure themselves how many would do it? Only a couple of people would. The manic part of their disorder was something they really didn't want to give up.

I know it carries it's own deep problems, but I have always envied those with a manic side.

Lately I've been thinking that I really like writing. I have some ideas for science fiction and fantasy stories that I'd like to follow up on. I have a gay friend who has started writing stories and he tells me there are websites that cater to that venue. There must be some sites that would post the kind of stories I want to write.

I hope you are feeling a little better and I really wish I could offer more help.

[Frame]

Some sage thoughts you have there Alaska. I very much encourage you to write. I think one property of the manic side. Is that it is expensive. Whether in terms of money, or energy, or cat lives, we pay for our manic moments. And the world is getting. poorer

I am engaged in a process of hand made books. The latest all are of my photography however the best ones have been a collaboration and have text with them. I have been developing skill in fit and finish. They are looking quite nice. I tried to get content from others so I could concentrate on the process, but alas not enough interest.

So the last the last three are all mine, but the reviews have very good.