I'm an 18 year old female...and I've been midly depressed since my grandpa passed away (which was 4 years ago) and it's escalated because of many problems.
I can't talk to my mom...because...well we don't have much of a mother-daughter relationship. It seems like whenever I try to talk a problem out with her, she either tells me to go away or she says I'm too young to have such problems.
That's not the case with why I'm confused though...
Friendship-- haha, I seem to always suck at keeping one. I'm always the one who gets used or who's "needed" when the right people aren't around.
Anyway...these past 8 months, I made a friend. The two of us share the same background (had a crappy childhood, always kept things in when there was a family problem). Now, she lives quite a distance, but I always send her mail, or call her to check up on her just to see if she's okay.
Lately...she's just been so different with me. I distant myself a bit with her because whenever she's with her friends from school...I'm just another girl to her.
I don't know, but lately...I've been depressed because of her.
Like, when it's just the two of us, then we're awesome. People tend to think we're a gay, because we spend too much time with each other and I think this could be one of the reasons why I'm so depressed.
See...I really care about her, I love her, despite how I moody I am, I will always see to that she is happy. I put her first all the time.
But from her side...I think she doesn't care about me...she won't show as much emotion as what I do.
For sometime now, I've become emotionally attached to her...and it seems like I freaked her out with it. When I ask her...she just hugs me and says I'm too special.
What does it mean?
She'll kiss me on my cheek, and I feel all funny and stuff...it makes me smile to put it that way.
She'll write me these poems that expresses how much she values our friendship, but when I write back to her...it's always about how much I love her and how amazing she is and all that.
She always tells me to speak my mind with her and when I'm given the opportunity to, I just can't...coz I'll just freak her out.
This is the only closest friendship I've ever had with anyone.
And I don't wanna screw it up just coz of what I want to tell her...
I'm really confused right now, and I'm probably confusing the people who are reading this. And when I'm cconfused, I become depressed because I don't know what to do.
And whenever I see her, I get so happy, but I also avoid her.
Argh! I don't know what to do with myself
.I hurt myself when I see her with a guy or when she cries and I can't seem to comfort her.
I just need help...or someone to talk to who has had the same problem.
What's wrong with me?
Could I perhaps be gay????