I just can't take it anymore. I live in a family with feuding parents, 3 younger siblings, and a grandmother who thinks she rules the house. I ask myself 'How can I live a life like this?' and I really don't know.
First, my mom, I don't relate to her at all, but that might just be my rebellious stage, I don't know. Nothing I do meets up to her standards. SHe doesn't understand the little things I do that are important. Competitions, recitals, concerts, she never attends them, and in the end she tells me I'm wasting my time, and that I should study insead. It hurts me so much for her to say this, because I truly love doing those things, and when I see other peoples' parent there with them, supporting them, cheering for them, hugging and saying how proud they are, it hurts me so badly. I stand there alone just watching them. My father is a smoking and gambling dad. He smokes in front of me and my siblings and spends most of his money gambling. I, as a daughter, has tried coutless times to stop him, but he doesn't. That also causes a bad relationship between my father and my grandmother on my mothers side.
I recently stormed out of the house. My grandmother had said that if I went with my father (just to do a little grocery shopping) I would be in trouble, and just don't come back. I don't understand her what the hell am I suppose to do? He was my flesh and blood, I can't treat him coldly even if he was the worst person on the earth. No matter what he still was my father. Finally I was never close to my siblings. My personality is completely different from theirs.
So now I have no one in the family I could go to, a mother who just might not care, a father who will probably leave soon, a grandmother who won't even talk to me, and siblings, who are too youg to understand the pain I'm in. It just hurts me badly. My siblings also has a closer relationship to my mom. They go out with her, play around. I tried to join in but I'm never comfortable. I feel like a stranger with them.That I'm juts the third wheel.
Thanks for reading my blabbering...
I really appreiciate it