Tired of life

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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StephenMichael
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:07 am

Tired of life

Postby StephenMichael » Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:28 am

Sometimes, I wonder if its worth trying.
My wife has been talking to another guy, that she calls just her friend. She worked with this guy until he was fired the first of this month.
My wife would go out with her co-workers for drinks for a couple hours after work sometimes, I find out it was just usually her guy friend. Since her guy friend was fired, she has not gone out with her "co-workers" for drinks but its only been 2 weeks.

She was always late coming home from work, sometimes hours after her normal get off time without calling or texting me.
I would go hours after her shift end hearing anything, she would blame working hard.. yea right...
Since he was fired, the extremly late work hours stopped.
The other day, she came home from work, and got right on her phone, texting someone.. I did not know who at the time.
After 45 minuites of ignoring me, and texting this someone, I got mad and asked who it was she was talking to. It was her guy friend.
I asked if I could see what she was texting him, and she told me sure! But the first text I seen was him telling her, that he really misses her also. I got really upset, and started questioning why she would say something like that to someone other than her husband. Her response was that he is just a friend, and she only has one friend and its him... Well, I am sorry but I can't have female friends without her thinking I am having sex with them, so why would it be ok for her to have a guy friend....On top of that telling him how much she misses him.

I think I have been seeing this coming for a while. I have to beg her for sex, and when she does give in once every 6 weeks or so, its really not that good because she dont get into it, and only wants one permission. One of the days she came home late, we did have sex, after I begged her because I needed it and she gave in. She cried during sex, she didnt notice I seen her crying. I don't think I want to find out anymore about her guy friend, because of what she is saying to him, and how she is late all the time getting home from work, until he was fired.... I just dont know.

I have a career, and i started with a company that is not giving anyone raises. I have worked here almost 5 years, and have not gotten any type of raise. I have done a tremoundous job upgrading and making this business up to par with technology. But I cant even get an office change let alone a raise when I am practcially in a closet... And I run this department..

I have no friends, well at least none that want to hang out with me. I go to work, pick the kids up from school, feed them, do all the nightly stuff, and then we go to bed... that's my life... I take care of all the appointments for the kids cause the wife cant ever seem to leave work. I keep the house clean so wifey don't come home to a dirty house.. I don't mind doing all that.. All I ask for is sex more often, and don't talk with a guy about how you miss him. I cant prove she is cheating on me, but she is very emotionally and physically distant.

I honestly cant take it anymore. My wife, my job, my friends, no family in this state except kids.
Its been this way for years, and I am about to end it all. I am tired of trying.

autumnzachary
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:12 am

Re: Tired of life

Postby autumnzachary » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:16 am

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Olive
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Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 7:36 pm
Location: Buffalo NY

Re: Tired of life

Postby Olive » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:49 am

Please keep going :/ you can do it.

Your situation is rough and I can’t presume to tell someone with a marriage and a family how to fix anything but you need to try and change things. Get therapy? Or start going to church, even if just for the community (I never found comfort there but idk). You are the world to your children, the world they know would end with you. Please fight harder and please change tactics.

I have to say, though, you can’t keep making your wife have sex with you. “I begged her because I needed it and she gave in. She cried during sex.” That can’t happen, that is compromising the person you love so you can get your rocks off. Sorry if that’s harsh, but it’s the truth and saying you need it and not letting her say no by incessantly asking her is emotional abuse, and one of the most severe forms of it. I am not judgeing, I don’t know you, but I am worried about you and so sad to hear that the weight of your life if crushing you. I just needed to let you know that what you are doing in that regard is wrong.

When my depression brings me closest to the edge there are only two things to do, I find, and that’s to hold on for dear life or find a new path. I hope you can find the strength and the courage (it take a lot of each and it is not fair that you have to do this alone :/) to do what you have to do to keep going or stay strong. But it sounds like something needs to give.
~Olive

StephenMichael
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:07 am

Re: Tired of life

Postby StephenMichael » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:22 am

autumnzachary wrote:A superior feeling of more advantageous more world-adoring life and of more certain power can be supported, certified. In the field of pressure with your longing for help and ideally your own soon all the more developing perspicacity, from a level of better supported claim great material and profound vitality you may basically be accomplishing a sublime attention to greater keenness and of the desire of good productive coexistence with great others, companions as well as great outsiders, in your reality and of the gleaming sun-kissed treasures and of the genuine shrouded power and great levelheadedness and magnificence of your own life.



I feel like a lot was said, but nothing at all.
"In the field of pressure with your longing for help and ideally your own soon all the more developing perspicacity" ??

StephenMichael
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:07 am

Re: Tired of life

Postby StephenMichael » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:38 am

Olive wrote:Please keep going :/ you can do it.

Your situation is rough and I can’t presume to tell someone with a marriage and a family how to fix anything but you need to try and change things. Get therapy? Or start going to church, even if just for the community (I never found comfort there but idk). You are the world to your children, the world they know would end with you. Please fight harder and please change tactics.

I have to say, though, you can’t keep making your wife have sex with you. “I begged her because I needed it and she gave in. She cried during sex.” That can’t happen, that is compromising the person you love so you can get your rocks off. Sorry if that’s harsh, but it’s the truth and saying you need it and not letting her say no by incessantly asking her is emotional abuse, and one of the most severe forms of it. I am not judgeing, I don’t know you, but I am worried about you and so sad to hear that the weight of your life if crushing you. I just needed to let you know that what you are doing in that regard is wrong.

When my depression brings me closest to the edge there are only two things to do, I find, and that’s to hold on for dear life or find a new path. I hope you can find the strength and the courage (it take a lot of each and it is not fair that you have to do this alone :/) to do what you have to do to keep going or stay strong. But it sounds like something needs to give.



Olive,

Thank you for your response. I guess I said it wrong when I said I need sex and she gave in. She cried. I would never make my wife have sex with me...ever!
What I mean is, we go through life and I never force her to do anything she dont want to, sex, food, going somewhere, whatever it may be. I try to do the romantic thing, all the time, but it never works, and it does resort to me saying, honey I really need sex with you. She puts me off for days and sometimes weeks which in my opinion is a form of abuse also. I mean I cant go out and have sex with anyone else because I married her, and I love her. I just want her to initiate sex once in a while because after days of hinting and cuddeling and being romantic, it comes down to , please lets have sex. I am a very sexual guy.
When she cried while having sex, it was not a I have to have sex with him cry. She was into it, then about 15 minuites into it she started crying, but I didnt ask her why, I just told her I am sorry I am tired and cant finish because honestly it took me out of the mood.

I am going to keep moving forward. Like you stated my kids do rely on me for everything and thier world would change if I went away. I love them so much, and I realized some time ago that I am now living for the future of my children, I just sometimes let my depression get the best of me. I love my children so much, even if I was alone, I want to keep going for them.

Anyways, I spoke to her last night. I told her I love her and I want her to be completly honest with me. She tells me there is nothing going on, and there never will be, so I am going to trust her. I did tell her however, telling a guy co-worker that you miss him, and have more converstaions with him and ignoring me (text,email,phone,in-person) is not ok. I am sorry, but you married to me, and I asked her for the sake of our marriage to find female friends, not male friends. Sounds like a dick thing to say, but think about it this way.

A husband and his female co-worker text all day when he tells his wife he is not allowed to text at work. Said husband is always late leaving from work until the female gets fired, then the department after work drinks stop, and so does the coming home late.
I am not saying there is anything going on, but there was alot of red flags with this guy, and if she wants to keep our marriage strong, she is going to have to not be his friend. If my wife asked me to not be friends with females (which she has and I comply) then I wont.

Thanks for your response Olive, I really do apprecieate it!

Stephen

rickwman
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 1:25 pm

Re: Tired of life

Postby rickwman » Sun Feb 18, 2018 1:26 pm

Marriage is a 'death till you part' commitment; a 100% - 100% giving relationship; a spirit/soul/body relationship. I hope you both speak with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer you wise and long-term, effective advise. Her best friend should be you. She should avoid, flee from any situations dealing with other men. It's a very dangerous road to go down. Longer than one thinks and costs much more than one wants to pay. I'll stand with you as your marriage is strethened by the wise counsel from others.

StephenMichael
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:07 am

Re: Tired of life

Postby StephenMichael » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:22 am

rickwman wrote:Marriage is a 'death till you part' commitment; a 100% - 100% giving relationship; a spirit/soul/body relationship. I hope you both speak with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer you wise and long-term, effective advise. Her best friend should be you. She should avoid, flee from any situations dealing with other men. It's a very dangerous road to go down. Longer than one thinks and costs much more than one wants to pay. I'll stand with you as your marriage is strethened by the wise counsel from others.


Thanks Rick. I agree, I would hope she does also, but she still tells me that its hard to make friends that are females. Well, I told her if she cant stop seeing a friend that is a guy that she tells she misses him, I am leaving, I cannot handle the mental demise it puts me through. Even if they are not having sex or whatever, there is still a mental connection and .. I am sappose to be that mental connection, but I am not. I honestly am tired of alot of things. My work dont appreciate me, my wife seems to not care of my feelings... but I am going to stop crying about it, and man up. I know what I want and if she cannot provide that to me then I will leave her and be happy, I live once, and I cannot stay just for my kids. I will always be there for my kids as I have always 100%.

But I am only 37, so I have along way to go, and I cant feel like this anymore.

thanks for your input Rickman, I apprecieate it.

Stephen


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